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The Black Dwarf


Printer / Publisher: T.J. Wooler T.J. Wooler
Volume Number: II    Issue Number: 20
No Pages: 8
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The Black Dwarf

Date of Article: 20/05/1818
Printer / Publisher: T.J. Wooler T.J. Wooler
Address: 58, Sun-street, Bishopsgate
Volume Number: II    Issue Number: 20
No Pages: 8
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THE BLACK DWARF. & SottTJon MceWp ^ tttlfcattom EDITED, PRINTED, AND PUBLISHED, BY T. J. W00LER, 58, SUN- STREET, BISHOPSGATE. Communications ( post- paid) to be ar irossed to No. 4, Catherine- Street, Strand. No. 20, Vol. If. WEDNESDAY, MAY 20, 1818. PRICK 4d. Satire's my weapon ; but I'm loo discreet | / onfy ice/ zr li fu a land of Hectors, To run a- muck and till at all f meet, j Thieves, Supercargoes, Sharpers, and Dii sctort. Po P B. SPECIMENS OF " NOBLE HONESTY," AND " EX. ALTED DIGNITY." Who counsels best— who whispers, be but great, With praise or. infamj ; leave that to fate? Or he, who bids thee with a steady view, Dare fortune, and look shallow greatness through. POPE Get money, money still, And then, let virtue follow, if she will.— Ibid. Our comparison last week between the " blood. royal,'' and the " lower orders," naturally leads us a step further, and calls for a little examination of the class next in decree to the roya! f. » : r:! v Th? rnbllUj <: try have?. . an/*' advantages. Stripped of file hatred that attended the feudal system, they have only to behave decently to ensure respect. Surely this is not too much to expect from such iccll. edu. caled beings. And yet it is more than many of them can submit to. No one enquires how they obtained the for. tunes they possess, however enormous, or however ill em- ployed. Yet it is a little hard for these " pillars of the state'''' not to rest satisfied with what they have already. The poor leeches of the body politic may plead hunger and instinct for their increasing rapacity. But lords, who are already in possession of lordly estates— who can satisfy luxury and debauchery even to disgust— that they shonld dip their hands in the public purse, is scarcely to be tolera- ted. Honor should be the stimulus of the rich— pecuniary recompense is only a proper remuneration to those who are compelled to sell their services. If then the rich and great should feel an honest pride even in really serving their country far its gratitude, what shall we say to those who are mean enough to accept money under the pretence of services which they do not render? Are there any beings so contemptible! it will be asked. Oh ! yes, we can shew you them as plentifully as monkies at a country fair. Bear in mind that a quarter of a bushel of corn is " calculated" to be sufficient to feed a labourer for a week;— and then walk in, and see the lordly apes of greatness. A select committee was appointed some few years back to " consider what offices existed in which nothing was done " for the money received." This was the object of the committee. Its title was something different in words. In June 1810, they published a Feport, frpm which the . fallowing, in substance, are extracts. GEORGE ROSE had then held the " office," of clerk of par. liament, for seven years, the net produce of which was an- nuallynear five thousand pounds sterliug, lie held it until the period of his death, recently; and it has descended to his son, with the same emoluments, and with the sftne absence of all duty. The old gentleman was asked " whether any inconvenience would arise from the abolition of the office ?" To this he very prudently answered " he felt a difficulty in expressing an opinion upon that subject i" The question in direct terms would have been—" whether any inconve- nience would arise to him, if he were not permitted to plunder the public of five thousand per annum any longer I" To such a question, the old gentleman might have been pre- pared with a personal objection. To the question " has any inconvenience arisen from the office being executed by deputy," he had the candour to answer " certainly not ;" Tnd upon that answer he ought to have been indicted for deceiving money u^ ofl false pi ettaetti. lie admitted thar. " he had never been called upon to do any duty !" Thus the old gentleman had then been paid almost thirty- fivo thousand pounds, and has since received as much more, for pretending to be clerk to the parliaments. This sum of seventy- thousand pounds with interest for so many years, has been so much taken from the " labourers," who are to be fed upon two- shillings and three- pence per week, as quite sufficient for their comfort. And this has been done while every regret is pretended to be fclt at the misery which these pretenders to sympathy have been foremost to create. Offices seem to have been purposely created that money might be given azcay, no doubt for substantial services, though not public ones. Why not at once call them what they are, and designate them by the sums they receive J Thus :— " George Rose Esq. M. P. receiver of five thousand per annum. " Lord Arden, receiver of thirty- thousand per annum, & c. & c." This would be more candid, and quite as honest. Indeed there is a John Baldwin, who is modestly called tbe " Re- teiver of the Jive offices," which together makes as many thousands a . year, thfcugh nobody that we have met with knows what the " Jive offices," are, or who " Jshn Bald~ . win" is. One John Charles Villiers, an M. P. observe, was Chief Justice iu Eyre north ofTrent; or receiver of 1,7301. per annum, for the reason of which he could give no other account, than, " the zchole, or greater part of this office is " become obsolete. It. has not happened to me to exercise 311 THE BLACK DWARF. 31S " any jurisdiction. I cannot undertake ( o say that no in. " convenience would arise, from the abolition of at) office of " great ancient dignity, and legal jurisdiction, but as I have " before stated, it has not been exercisud with itny utility in " my time." Now this, doubtless, in common life, is a gen. tleman, and would scorn a mean or dishonest action in another. Yet he calmly confesses that all the duties of his office have become obsolete, except taking the money; he allows that " no utility" exists, or has existed, in his time, but he cannot say that no inconvenience would result from the abolition ! Oh! no! certainly not! It might be incon- venient in him not to receive the money— but is it manly, is it lionest to receive it when ( hose who are goaded to furnish it are perishing for want! Oh lie, fie, gentility ! A person who called hiaiself " Law Clerk in the Secre- tary of State's Office," came forward and said he had " three hundred a year for his office.' 1' As for the duty, " he had been told there was some, but he had never been " able to ascertain what it was !" This gentleman, how- ever had only been in office four years! Mr. Addington, M. P. now mistaken for a lord, had a pretty place of three thousand a year as Clerk of the Pells in Ireland ; a comfortable allowance " for some occasional references !" Does not Lord SidmOuth think this money liad much better have been distributed amongst the poor jnen whom his measures had made wretched, instead of more feeing taken from their labour, to drive them iuto the abyss of despair ? CHAUI. ES ABBOTT, M. P. now perhaps Lord Colchester ! condescends to be keeper of the Privy Seal in Ireland ; ( of which he graciously takes thirteen hundred pounds per annum, and allows a deputy one hundred and thirty, not - aut of the sura paid the principal, but in fees. The explan- ation he gave the Committee was this :—" The duties that " I discharge are personally, NONE ! It is a PATENT " OFFICE! granted to me for life by PATENT! on " the 12th of June 1801." Now this sort of robbery by patent seems necessary to be enquired into. No one blames Charles Abbott for taking the money by patent, but who lias the right to give such a patent ? Where are the guar, dians of the public purse, while it is thus picked by patent ? This patent of Charles Abbott is the best sort of patent ever heard of? A patent receiver of thirteen hundred pounds per annum is a monstrosity that would be worth exhibiting in a free state and under an economical govern- ment. Lord CAMDEN has since relinquished his sinecure in the Exchequer of from 12,000 to 20,0001. a year. But he • was then in full possession of it, and without the pretence of u duty" or " service" of any kind- had pocketed the salary for years. Yet a doubt of the honour of this man would be resented in a ball- room as an unpardonable affront, which nothing but a duel could appease. What a pity it is that the world should thus prefer the shadow of honour to the reality ! EARL GRAHAM, the DURE of MONTROSE, a gentleman of Tory fine high sounding titles, condescends, as Lord Justice General of Scotland, to accept txso thousand a year of the public money, aad no doubt conceives they ought to be very grateful for the favour. He had held ( he office from 1795, a period then of fifteen years, and now of twenly- three. He has, therefore, pocketed the sum of forty. six thousand pounds, llis account of the duties are whimsical enough, and the quibbling will mark the man ages after his proud frame is mingled with its congenial earth. " He up. " prehended the duties to be to preside in the Court of " Justiciary, either in the Court at Edinburgh or upon the " circuit, if he thought it his duty to take his seat in that " Court." So that his duty was what he thought his duty ! We shall shortly see that he thosght nothing his duty but to take our money. At first he said he had taken his seat in that court. Perhaps some little hesitation in his lordship's speech encouraged some one, who might not sus- pect he would tell a falsehood, and yet wish to disguise the truth, to ask him how often ?• " 1 have not thought myself " called upon by my duty frequently to take my seat in that " court," said his lordship. The querist was not yet satis- fied, and his lordship was at last obliged to answer—" I have sat ONCE at Edinburgh!" Here is an efficient officer for two thousand pounds a year. He may do his duly if he thinks it his duty, and his duty does not call him, when he thinks it not his duty. He goes on—" I consider " that I may take my seat there, when I think my duty calls " upon me to do so I" Bravo, my lord! bravo ! go on — " I believe most, if not all who held ( he office before me " have taken it upon the circuit!" Very good, but w hat is that to his lordship ! He does not think it his duty, and his duty does not call him ( o do any thing that he does not think his duty ! A little more lordly logic. " There are some appointmfcnts, I think, whieh are made by the " Justice General." Well, now there is some duty ! no, his lordship spoils all again by adding, " I have never been called upon to execute any hitherto !" " No case has oc- " curred of a necessity to attend in person !" So it seems his lordship has done more than his duty, for he had attend- ed once in fifteen years ! As to the responsibility, his lord, ship must explain it himself :—" 7/ 1 atn in court, aud act, I 11 apprehend I have a responsibility; but when I am not " in court, I apprehend 1 am not responsible for what " passes in it!" If the man who could talk so very simply had been very poor, he ought certainly to have been provided for at the parish expence, for his wit would have scantily supported his table. But he is an Earl, and a Duke, and should have been beyond the meanness of a public pauper. But— Let high- birth triumph— what can he more great i Nothing, but merit in a low estate. This subject is too fertile to dismiss in one essay. Wt have still many of the " illustrious beggars" to introduce, and shall do it with all due respect. •" V JEREMY BENTHAM'S REFORM CATECHISM continues to be published every Saturday. The Glh Number will appear tins week. 309 THE BLACK DWARF; 310 TO CORRESPONDENTS. We will as early as possible insert the articles alluded to by M. and others. Received— A chip of the old English block. T. Clio. II. C. Noslieu. P***. Stoney Batter. S. A B. True Blue. The letters forwarded by the claimants upon the fund for reliev- ing the sufferers under ihe Suspension of the Habeas Corpus are ali before the Committee. The Secretary cannot answer them before he receives instructions to that effect. A constant reader, next week. TRIUMPH OF WESTMINSTER. Letters have been received from several friends to freedom in the House of Commons signifying their intention of being present at the dinner on Saturday next, at the Crown and Anchor, for the celebration of Ihe eleventh anniversary of the election of Sir F. Burdett. A numerous meeting is expected. UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE. TV Ilenry While, Esq. SIR, Proprietor and Editor of the Independent Whiz. The voluminous notice you have taken of my paragraph fo cor- respondents,, is quite consistent with the attitude you have assumed in Ihe controversy. Your spear seems a hran. cji. torn from the tree of dis- putation, covered With the foilage of word?, and diverging in every di- rection. it has neither thort?, nor- point. It may close the eyelid, but cannot injure the sight, it may not he amiss to recur to the commence- ment of the debate. Your first le'ter was mere compliment. Any oilier disputant would h ive deemed it necessafy to reply to tchallmd been written, before he required further arguments to answer. The contro- versy upiMi the subject of Universal Suffrage was not then b ginning. Well, or ill ; — truely, or falsely, Iliad advocated the principle for many months. It would have been an ill- compliment « o my readers to call their attention to a recapitulation of what they had already ap- proved. If- you had read my positions was it not your business to have answered. You would then havehad the arguments of Bentham, and the reasoning of Cartwright,; to destroy, before any occasion- could arise of advancing new propositions in favour of Universal Suffrage. It is imagined by iis advocates, ( presumptuously, no doubt, in the eyes of every Independent Whig,) that fhe opponents of Universal Suffrage have not one honest argument in their favour. I gave you- credit for some important discovery — iliac in your researches you had hit upon some talisman which was to recover entirely the credit of the moderate re- formers. 1 accepted your challenge, expecting ( o reap some amazing benefit, and be ihe happy instrument of checking public error in its career. A professed whig' appeared to seek for truth ; bur then it was an INDEPENDENT WHIG ; a phenomenon which ne^ ER- before appeared in the political world. The three columns of your first advance con- tained only the proposition that Universal Suffrage was impracticable. The, question returns, why impracticable?'' And this no one has answered. • I replied— That right was still right— whether to be obtained, or aot. That I would not compromise aright, nor recommend others to do so. That 4< Universal Suffrage'' was as likely to be obtained as 44moder- ate l^ ef ormS' That to obtain any thing, the whole people must exert themselves; and that the whole would be very silly, if they acted for the exclusive advantage of any part. That a man who was deprived of his rights, was robbed of hh free- dom, and. was a mere slave, whether in England, or elsewhere:— and That if the 41 moderate reformers'" could obtain a " moderate reform,. instead of opposing, we should be obliged to them for advancing us one step on nur road. This you inserted very liberally, in your paper; not being ( lien in such fea^ tp jo proceed w ilh . the contest,, yoy deferred the reply until the foK ' owing week, but you did not then canmlain that I had not inserted your first letter in the Black Dwarf. In ten days, your second letter appeared, and contained— nothing— but a repetition of all the pruden, Hal cavilling v\ hie h has so long marked the cause w hich you support*" This is not personally meant. Charles Fox, on this topic, was as great a caviller as Mr. White. Indeed, you have oi ly borrowed his cavilling, as he borrowed the cavilling of others, and both may plead the subter- fuge* were not your own. To have inserted your tetter at length in the Black Dwarf, would have been to have served up to its readers, a dish compounded of the ingredients with which they have been longdated from the cookery of Somers, Fellowes, Lord Holland's literary, pro • tegee, and the Edinburgh Review ; besides an occasional olio from the pretended friends to freedom in both houses. Practicability, and the E& glish Constitution, were again the watch- words v. f party to arrest the course of the nation. Boldly pronouncing anathemas against Universal • Suffrage, because you fondly imagine it will never obtain atrial, you had the weakness to advance the proposition that perfectibility in go- vernment was not to be expected. Certainly not, under your creed. But since you cannot ercct the barrier to reason, which nature has not provided, we must be indulged with the pursuit of our phantom, if you will insift that it is one. Jt cannot he more fatal than the demons we leave behind, or the juggling fiends that bid us wait until we are de- voured. My second letter you designate as filled with " flights of fancy You must have been elevated beyond the cold regions of criticism, when the expression escaped you, ifcontained simply these propositions : — That I saw no evident mark upon any man that could entitle me to conclude he ought to be denied the common freedom of mankind. That if your eyes were more acute, you should point out the charac- teristics, of those whom it was right to oppress. That honest politicians should aim at as much perfection as it was'r possible to attain. That light, wht* n it could be ascertained, should be pursued ; and that " moderate reformers" would not pursue that which they were compelled to acknowledge right. That I paid no attention fo the English Constitution, or to any other constitution, that was opposed to my reason, and the liberties of my fellow men : and That 44 TRUTH" was the only authority to which, as an au'rocate of Universal Suffrage, I jyoLuld appeal. ' Now comes your important third letter, after an equal delay of ten days, and it contains again nothing to the purpose. The first column is wasted in complaining that your letter was not inserted, at length ia the BLACK DWARF; and you assume the power of determining whether there were sufficient space er not. For matters, really important, space will always be found ; and if you ran point out a sentence in your letter, ( beyond what is quoted) that could h ave any etlect in advancing your side of the question, it shall assuredly be inserted. You will however excuse my observing, that it is much more important for us to pursue our warfare against our open enemies, than to cavil with owe pretended friends* To a conference upon minor points we can have ao objection ; " but the real contest must not be relaxed. It would be absurd in arms for allies to argue on the merits of their cause when their adversaries were in the field. It would be still more ridiculous to pause in the campaign, in the idle hope of gaining the assistance of timid, irresolute, or unmeaning men. The propositions of your third letter are : 1 . A charge against me of not coming to close combat ! This from a Gentleman who gave a challenge, and has not yet ad- vanced any thing to combat, may be at the same time, very whimsical and very true. 2. That I have not inserted your letters at length, whilo you have inserted mine. As I did not request you to insert them, nor expect you would do so, 1 am not aware of any obligatiou to imitate your conduct. I have more reason to complain that you have not answered mine. 3. That your letter's were as well worth inserting, as those cf Major Cartwrig/ ity and that I have as much space to spare as yourself This is a matter of opinion, in which we do not agree. 4. 44 That UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE never was a right claimed, or exer- " cised, in forming the representative government of England ; and therc^ • fore, without losing ourselves in the labyrinths of a stale of nature - or abstract theories of original rights, that universal suffrage cannot be a 14 thing to be restored, because it has never had existence, at least, in this 44 country, since representation was established, and therefore cannot be the " subject matter of restoration or recovery. 1' i\ ow, Sir, this is a ground that I M ver advanced, and < a^ npon which no sane man need reason for a moment. Whether the RIGHT has been or has not been claimed, is worth no man's while to enquire. The ques- tion is simply whethor it is A RIGHT, or not ? It may suit y « u to avoir! abstract truth, and to fear being lost in the " labyrinths of a state of 311 THE BLACK DWARF. 31S nature." for my part I n oaid plunge into thcm fearlessly ; confident that 1 should be less likely to miss my uay, than in turning to the gaidance of " moderate reformers," in the labyrinths of art." You will therefore please to remember that I contend for Univeisal Suffrage ns an advantage to be GAINED. Liberty may exi. t, but can never be tecured, without it. M hat the coi siitution was, is not north a tiiought. It isour businessto make it what it ought to be, if possible. 5. You dislike my comparison of universal suffrage to the sun. Perhaps this arrives from your cjbjeclion to the Moon as the represen- tative of the " moderate rcformeis." And yet her changes, her bor- ro a ed light, and her occasional appearances, adapt her uJmirably lor the purpose. 6. Your paragraph about Sir Isaac Newton is sublimely unintelligi- ble. Sir Isaac is not an instance " to sheio lltat perfection is attainable till at once .'" - Who, in the name of that old endless disputant, Dennis, ever thought he was? lie was quoted lo shew that perfection was only to be attained bv enquiry and perseverance; b v disregarding all esta- blished " constitutions," when they were discovered to be erroneous;— rind by boldly recurring to " first principles," as tne only meahs of sur mounting the absurdities w hich ages after ages hail been " piled upon each other. lie advanced with xt caution," but net with the caution of a " moderate reformer," who, before he abolish) d an abuse, would pause to consider w hether he might ever stand in need of it. ile looked only to the " ABSTRACT TRUTH;"— he did not stay to enquire after the pru- . itencc of discovering it — or the policy of promulgating his discovery. Imitate his example, and there w ill remain no poinl of dispute be- tween us, 7. You have some doubt as to the sense in which I employ the word " TRUTH." When you have settled with your readers U hat it ought lo mean, you w ill be good enough to apprize me of the possibility of mis- taking its interpretation. 8. You say, " the Independent Whig, before we shall have concluded • tl our controversy, may become, even to Mr. Wooler, a prism, through which he may distinguish the unchangeable properties of light itself." Now this is beautiful, but do not accuse me of " flights of fancy," , fftfter this elevation of your own. The word prism is happily chosen. . You have doubtless- seen the effects of the prismatic glass uhich distorts all objects that pass before it—( he effect which I'ope had in view, when , tifpioring the perverscness of man, he says - " lire wit- oblique had broke that steady light, •" Man, like his maker, saw that all was right." 9.' " T len& w of ne moderate reformer « cAo fosters the despotic idea, that • el any man was born to be his stare!" To this I answer, that any man w ho asks for himself a political right, which he denies to another, treats that other as a slave:— and he. who pretends to a right of chusing the governors of another, acts the part of a tyrant. 10. " When men first congregated in small communities they resigned " some portion of their natural rights, by the very creation of govern- ** ments: and probably UNIVERSAL SUFFRAGE; that is to say. the right of every individual in the community, to vote for vesting the controu! 4< over a horde of shepherds, or a company of hunters, or a band of rob- " bers, ( the description into which all the' early inhabitants of the earth seems to have been divided) as chief, or captain, or king, or by what- other title distinguished, was acknow ledged. It is scarcely necessary * - to observe, that whatever portion of natural right was thus actually " alienated, by such appointment of a controlling authority, was not in• " ulienatle." This is admirable logic, Sir, but it is unfortunately liable to some few objections. First, liseeins strange that the exorcise of the right should be the toss of it. Secondly, When the first parties first exercised the right, did ihey agree to renounce all future power. The proofs are against you; " Chiefs, Captains, and Kings," have been elected, and deposed, and re elected, if one rnan gave up his right, how could he alienate the rights of others,— of his children,— of tneir children,— and of posterity to the latest generation. An individual may resign per- sonal rights,— as he may give away his property ; but he can no more resign my rights, than he can appropriate iny property. This is only speaking of the justice. 1 know the power exists, both to pick my yorket, and lo make me a slave. 11." The very earliest records in existence shew that Universal Suf- " frage did not then obtain in the nomination of representative Go- " vcrnors." t This is very true, for the " earliest records," say nothing of repre- sentative Governors" at all. Representation is a new feature in politics; and is yet but imperfectly understood iu practice. The principle of Universal Suffrage has prevailed from Ihe " earliest records," and was the basis of every society. All who were expected willingly to obey the chosen chief had a voice in his election. There were classei exclud- ed from any political interference in most countries, but then they were denominated SLAVES, WHILE they were treated as such. Let Hit moderate reformers deal as honestly by ( hose they wish to render subser-< vieni to their view; and let them, if they dare, propose an established ord< r of slaves in England, because Sparta, and Athens, and Rome, and other " earlier" nations had their helots, 1 am anxious to hear you prove that Universal Suffrage can " never be exercised:" but am afraid your best reliance is the bavonet, and > our principal argument a certain preparation of nitre a « il charco& t. Lord Somers i> more open. He says " it never yhall be exercised ;" but perhaps both Lord Soiners, and yourself may be mistaken. 1 remain, Sir, Yours, respectfully, THOS. J. WOOLF. il. LETTERS OF THE BLACK DWARF. From the Black Dwarf in London to the Yellow Bonze in Japan. MANUFACTORY OF FOOLS REVIVED BY AUTHORITY, My Yellow friend, My last letter being upon a religious subject, and know, ing thy veneration for all that concerns the craft, I will endeavour to enlighten thee a little further on that interest- ing subject, as it prevails in Great Britain at present. I told thee that I might believe what 1 would, provided I would pay the state bonze his demand. The stale bonze is like the keeper of a turnpike. gate; he looks at the vehicles in which the travellers ride, but it is not to ascertain whether they travel commoiliously or not, or whether they are taking the right road. That is no csncern of his. His eye is only directed to the amount of toll, which he has a right to levy. Like the turnpike keeper, too, the state bonze has some consideration for the ability of the pas. senger to pay. A traveller who rides behind two horses must pay more than he who sits upon the back of one. And a heavy loaden waggon is charged higher than a light coach. So he who lives in a fine house, and is well accom. modated in this world, is made to pay proportionably higher for suitable accommodation in the next. I regret, for the honour of thy profession, to say that the turnpike keeper is more liberal than the bonze, for foot passengers are almost always permitted to go free of charge on their journey. But . the foot passenger to heaven must pay his toll, as well as his betters ; and thou knowest that a farthing to one who has no more, is of more value to him than half the estate of a rich man, which he may never want. The rich are not however entirely careless of the wants of the poor. But it is fit that those who cannot afford to buy religion, should be very glad of any sort that is offered them. At present the poor soldiers are the objects of peculiar consideration. I do not know whether they, or their commanders, repent of the mischief they have done; but as they are no longer wanted for human slaughter, it ii deemed a proper time to teach them what their masters call Christianity ! Societies are formed to give them bibles, in which they may learn their duty. Thou must not imagine it is that Christianity, to the mild and gentle principles of which thou hast so often said thou wouldst have been a con- vert if thou hadst not been a bonze, which is proposed to be taught these brave fellows. Enthusiasm, in a good or bad cause, has often occasioned the performance of many wonderful deeds. Religious enthusiasm is the most com $ 13 THE CLACK DWARF. 514 tnou, and the most effective. " He fights fearlessly who fig •> only for a grave;" and ( o teach a man that he shall inherit eternal happiness for the momentary pang of disso- lution, is the surest mode of bribing his fancy to his ruin. Liberty has had her heroes, and h. r victims ; but zeal alone can boast of martyrs in its cause. With both eyes fixed on the clouds, wliat wonder that ( he ignorant bigot should stumble on the pit of oblivion ? Any religion will suit a tyrant but the true; and where the true nmst beheld up in name, the doctrines must be explained away by the comment. The delusion must so distort the reality, that error must be the result. Fanatics are always violent in proportion to their want of reason for their faith. But I must proceed with my instances. I have wearied thee with the length of my preliminary. The proverb that " liars should have long memories," may be parodied by another " that fools should have short tongues." This is peculiarly applicable to the reported ob. servations of some gentlemen at a meeting of some Bible Society or other at the Freemason's Tavern, on one of the days of the preceding week, with the Duke of York in the Chair. No enmity to Bible Societies, as such, prompts the following remarks. To teach people to read, and to give them books to read, is very proper. But the motives of such conduct must be understood, in order to give any credit to the parties who take the lead in such measures. If they said nothing, we might presume they meant well; but when they talk nonsense, or more properly speaking when they make use of falsehood to recommend their plans, we may be sure there is something lurking beneath the os. lensible purpose. The Duke of York presiding at a Bible ssciety is comical enough. Some . severe moralists might observe that he had better read it, than give it away ; par. ticularly when the nam • of Mrs. Clarke is associated with that of the pious Commander iu Chief. Let that pass, how. ever; the Duke does recommend them to be given away, and speaking like a true soldier, he is reported to have said that religious instruction and military duties ought to be combined together! The author of " peace on earth, and good. will to man" is much indebted to this " Commander of the faithful," as Mr. Jeremy Bentham calls him, for his advice to blend the stoord and the bible together. If his doctrine be true, had he not better get an army of par. sons together, and take the field as Bishop of Osuaburg ? Does he imagine he would have fared better in France with such troops, instead of ( he brave fellows whom he led from defeat to defeat, before the " irreligious and profane citi- zens of France." At the same meeting one Capt. Pakenham is reported to have praised the religious discipline of General Suarrow, the Russian butcher, the murderer in cold blood of the in. habitants of Ismael and Warsaw— a wretch before whose trophies of blood, all the sanguinary tyrants even of regal history and royal vengeance recede with horror !— This being, stained with the blood of thousands of all ages, sexes, and condition, is an object of praise in a British BIBLE SOCIETY !!! for his RELIGION ! And what were the instances of this religion, which formed the basis of such a parf& gyric? Hear it, ye fanatics, ye fools, ye bigots, ye holy jugglers, hear it from the mouth of a protestant British officer. This Suarrow " made his soldiers kneel to " every crucifix that they passed upon the road!" That this is false, is nothing. It is asserted to be praiseworthy. Nobody but a religious Captain would have asserted, and nobody can believe, that a General would halt his army, horse and foot, and artillery, to kneel to the clumsy blocks of wood, which fanaticism has fixed upon the roads for zealots to worship. But this is recommended to be done, by a patron of a British Bible Society! And the object is evident enough. It is part of thesystem that we are cursed with, to bring back, if possible, the darkest ages, and make men the mere brutes they were when the king and the priest shaiod the booty they carried between them. If the soldier will be an automaton, a mere machine, a two legged ass, he may bow to crucifixes, or the devil, if he like. It is not to make soldiers truly religious, that these ' men speak and act. It is to make the ignorant zealous and superstitious enthusiasts, anil for this the worship of the crucifix on the road will do much better than the worship of the living God. Mr. Wilberforcefully illustrated the practice falsely attributed to Suarrow, by saying that the Greeks and Romans were particularly attentive to cultivate religious feelings in their armies. So thou secst, that Christianity, and protestant Christianity, is nothing with these religiout men. The crucifix, and the pagan gods, are objects of their praise, and the illustration of what they wish to teach, under the sanction of a British Bible Society. That these observations should have been made, is no great won. der, but that they should have suffered any but the initiated to have heard them, is an astonishing instance of ft » liy. As their object is to make fools, they may deem it neccg. sary to shew that they are qualified for the task by their own stupidity. They had better however imitate the con. duct of the PITT CLUB, which holds another anniversary this month, to celebrate the mischief introduced by the " sable agent of destruction," whom the members yearly worship for the goods they have been enabled to plunder from the general wreck. They advertise, " that tickets can only be obtained by members!" The conclave of political demoniacs must be closed from ( he public, lest the plain and unceremonious part ofthe nation should chance to speak too familiarity of the venal, an. i the base. The Duke, the Captain, and the pious Mr. Wilberforce had better " go, and do likewise." With all this before its eyes, and recorded in its public papers, this wise nation is as supine and indifferent, as if its soldiers were really being instructed in the most divine sys- tem of ethics. Has it never occurrcdtojthese people that a day may arrive when the temper of the soldiers of Suarroza may be required in the troops of England ? When despotism shall have reached its height, and from the bayonet shrouded palace shall deem it prudent to issue the order of extermi- nation, it would be excellent to have troops at hand who eould kneel to the crucifix while they nailed the victims on the cross;— to have men so infatuated as to believe that kneeling before a wooden image could wash away the guilt with which the blood of unoffending myriads had stained their words, and polluted their patricidal hands:— to have men emulous of that fanatic enthusiasm which serves heaven by desolating earth, and immolates the crealure in pretended adoration of the great creator ! Oh, that the cloud of error would dispel, and the sun of reason break forth in all iti brightness ! Oh ! that it were possible for my weak and in, 315 THE BLACK DWARF, 315 adequate pen to trace all the miseries that man has inflicted tipon man !— to pourtray the artificial causes of his fatal errors, and to restore him to himself. IIow would he recede from the horrid catalogue of his own crimes ! IIow would he execrate the wretches who have hitherto veiled him in the shrine of ignorance, even from his own thoughts, from his own nature, and from his own interest. What should have ren- dered the earth a paradise has rendered it a pandemonium. Those who should have held up the torch of truth, have ex- tinguished its rays, or only lighted themselves onward more securely in the paths of private interest. The public good has been no where consulted. It has been the feast of every vulture, the prey of every human tiger. The force of legal power, and the deception of priestly art, has torn from the human from the proudest characteristic of the hand from which it came. Instead of men erect in the spirit of their independence, fearlessly speaking truth, and honestly acting right, what drawling slaves, what abject sycophants, what miserable shadows of the line they disgrace, do we meet in every clime, crouching like the ass under the burdens, which like the camel they have kneeled to receive. That such scenes should occur in the east did not surprise me. They do not there talk of freedom. There they acknowledge themselves the wretches which they are. They feel the chain and curse it. Here, being base enough to put on the fetters, but ashamed to own they gall them, they have im- pudently learnt to boast of them as ornaments, and will take any oath to their beauty and convenience, at so much per kour, per day, per week, per month, or per year. Such men can neither be pitied nor hated. We can only wish they may always live on such terms with themselves, as want of conscience, and want of freedom may allow. Thy well- wisher, THE BLACK DWARF. fORTUNATUS IN SPA. FIELDS. MR. EDITOR, You must long since have been acquainted with the fame of my invisible ring, by whose nccromantic power I enter societies unseen; and Can penetrate the mysteries of midnight cabals, the conclaves of the priesthood, and the councils of ministers, and kings. I have visited all the Courts of Europe, been present at great national negotia- tions, and was at the Congress at Vienna, as you will pre- sently percdve. Such has been my felicity of observation, that my budget of Arcana is far more valuable, and com- prehensive, than Sidmouth's green bag, or the bags of much wiser men. If I were to develope to you, the weaknesses of the powerful, the littlenesses of the great, and all the mean artifices, and mountebank tricks, by which grandeur is upheld, and rank is supported, you would consider the " Corinthian pillar of Society" less respectable than a com- mon mile- stone. I have now to announce to you, that: the same genius who endowed me with the ring, has favoured me with a magical wand, that forces the countenance of ( he person whom it touches, into its genuine character, and compels him to utter the undisguised sentiments of his heart. Thus armed, and gifted, I sallied forth one Monday, and direct- ed my steps to Spa- fields, 10 see and not be seen, to hear and not be heard. I mingled with the crowd, and soon found myself encircled by a party of gentlemen, whom I had long unfortunately known, and upon whom I seized the opportunity of exercising the power of my wand. The first person I touched, was Mr. S h, who had under his arm an enormous green bag. He said, " Gentlemen, I " am very glad to see you here, it is my earnest wish that " this Meeting should be as numerous, and as riotous as " possible; you are too tame. Where are my friends' " Oliver, and Castles? th3y would assist you ; look at " this bag, I want it filled ; it must be filled; if the people " are suffered to meet peaceably, the glorious constitution " of places and pensions will be gone for ever. I am the " doctor, aud will cuie all your complaints ; I have some " hundreds of surgeons in attendance ready to bleed you, " aud administer my nitro- sulphuretted carbonic powders, " and where those fail, my anodyne necklace will prove an " infallible remedy for all your disorders."— Tho next sub- ject of my wand, was Mr. C h, a plaeid looking gentleman: the moment he was touched, his countenance assumed an air of ferocity, such as Lavatcr would denomi- nate the sanguineous physiognomy: he extended his feet as wide as he could, so as to form a triangle, and spoke thus, " Gentlemen, you complain of being poor, and miserable ; " I believe you, having done every thing in my power'to " make you so, aud will do more, if I am n « t prevented. " If you all were poor, why did vou not go to the Congress " at Vienna, and then come home, and buy large estates' " in Ireland ? The roost profitable of all trades, is dealing " in two legged cattle, especially if you can sell the whole " stock of a kingdom at once. The Irish breed sell well, " the Polish breed still better, and tho English best of all. " The English calves are the finest in the world; let me " feel your sides, I will soon tell you what you will fetch " in the market: Oh, you are poor beasts, you have not " fat enough in you to make a candle for a birth- day illu- " initiation : you have been sold already, and have got " lean by hard driving."— I touched Mr. C g, and his phiz assumed the appearance of a magpie's ; his coat was turned, and he had a cap on his head that had formerly been a jacobin red, but was now changed to the colour of treasury gold. He said, " Gentlemen, I follow my mas. " ter who spoke last; to be sure there has been a rupture " between us, but I do not mind ruptures; I often talk " about them, and outrage the common forms of decency, " and the feelings of humanity; but I use such language " only in those societies where I have friends who have as " little feeling and as little sense as I have myself. I love " ribaldry, and the mockery of woe, and would jeer at " your misfortunes now, if I were not afraid of your re. " sentment. 1 shall therefore give you some serious ad. " vice, for I am doctor too, but not a regular one; I " am only a quack, employed now and then, as a • " mountebank in inferior jobs which the regular doc- " tors will not condescend to perform. I advise you " you to take the Lisbon diet drink ; but it is best to go to " Lisbon, and drink it on the spot ; there you have it in " perfection, and .# 14,000 a year for drinking its and a 311 THE BLACK DWARF. 31S <£ service of plate and silver goblets to drink it from; aye, " Lisbon for ever! that is the place to recruit an iin- poverished constitution." On casting my eves round, I perceived that sanctimonious gentleman, Billy W e: as I had always suspected him to be a sinner in' disguise, I put him to the test of the wand. His eyes, which were before turned upwards, immediately lost their elevation and their focal direction, and one beamed to the right shoulder aud ( he other to the left:—" Brethren," said he, " 1 have sorely wronged you ; " you remember the long struggle for the abolitiou of " negro- slavery : alas ! while I endeavoured to emancipate " the black slaves abroad, I assisted in making white slaves " at home ! it is thus that some of us vital christians impose <( upon mankind ; we worship God and mammon at the " same time ; we lift one hand up to heaven, and with the " other embrace the d 1. This may be called balancing " accounts; and reminds us of an unhappy gentleman in a " certain house, when the question was put, he first said " yes, and then no ; unfortunate man, he was afraid to dis- " please the minister, and ashamed to go back to his consti- " tuents without some pretension to popular favour • and " thus became a yea and nay character. Let us go back " to the slaves ; if we could ascertain the total expence of " a general election, I think we should find that it did not " amount to twenty shillings a head for all the males in the " country ; now averaging the life of man at about 32 " years, and granting that general elections take place every six years, or rather more, we shall find that genera! " elections take place about five times in the average life of a man, and therefore that an English slave is worth c-£ 5. " Now, observe, a sound negro in the West Indies is worth " i£ lOO—- so that a black slave is worth twenty times as much as a white slave !! O Billy W e what hast " thou been doing ? Thou art an egregious hypocrite and " sinner indeed !"— The next personage who presented himself to my view was Mr. P R , a fat comely looking gentleman, msuntcd on a prodigious jack- ass, high in bone but low in flesh. Around him stood several portly gentlemen, all apparently of the same family. I subjected* him to the touch of the wand, and he said, " fellow- couufry- " men, this animal which I ride is an emblem of you all ; I " understand that you meet to complain and petition ; but " why complain to the deaf? in the cries of distress, full " bellies make deaf ears. You have already petitioned " those whom you are pleased to call your servants; if they " be your servants, why petition them? But if they be " your masters, as I suspect they are, what do you petition . " for ? To let you be their masters forsooth, to change " situations with you !— go home, and earn more money, we " all want more money— more money, I say more money." At the conclusion of this harangue he turned the ass and rode off followed by his portly companions ; I immediately touched the whole groupe of his followers, and they all vociferated " more money." 1 then touched the ass, he instantly erected Ms ears and brayed out, " more money," but in a very different tone from the others, he laid a pro- digious emphasis on the word more, and tbe exclamation be- came an interrogative one—" MORE MONEY ?" FoRTVNAies, THE LANCASHIRE HYMN. Tvxe—" Falmouth."— lsi Vol. Ilarrisuti's Collection. Great God ! who did of old inspire The pa riot's ardent heart, And flli'd him with a warm desire To die or do bis part: O let our shouts be beard by thee, Genius great of liberty. " Before creation's million worlds, Our wrongs we do proclaim. Am! when tliy banner thou unfurls, We will redress the same : Triumph ever waits on thee, God of love and liberty . When fell oppression o'er the land, Hung like a darksome day, And crusb'd beneath a tyrant's hand The groaning people lay: The patriot band,* iinpelt'tt by thee; . Nobly strove for liberty, Ami shall we tamely now forego The rights for which they bled, And couch beneath a minion's blow. And basely bow ( he- head j Ah, no ! it cannot, cannot be, Death for us, or liberty ! Behold the midnight dark divan, The plunderers of our right, Fell sorcerers mustering every ban, Our happiness to blights — Why lingers yet the nation's ire, W hy mantles not her bolt of tire. The dungeon dark hath opened wide, Its victims to immure ; And blood hath yonderf scaffold dyed, Betray Vt by hellish lure : — O Justice! why so long delay, To judge the causes of that day. Have we not heard the infants ciy, And mark'd iis mother's tear, That look which told us mournfully That Woe and Want were there; And shall ( hey ever weep again. And shall ( heir pleadings be in vain. By the dear blood which Hampden » hed, For freedom's noble strife ; By gallant Sydney's gory head ; By all that's dear to life; They shall n » t supplicate in vain, Nor will we ever bear the chain. Souls of our mighty sires behold, The band of brothers join ; O! never, never be it told That disgrace your line : Wnen England wills the gloriou deed, To emuiate old Kjnniinede. S. B. Middleton, April Tith, 1818. * Hampden and his compatriots. t Look at Derby. A NEW NATIONAL POLITICAL HERBAL. Consisting principally of the Indigenous Plants grovting zcild, but luxuriantly, in Great Britain. Mad- wort . The • German Iris ... Q Go to bed at noon P e R 1. Penny Royal . .^ The unmarried P s » ' » Chaffweed D e of Y k. Black Hellebore of Cum d. Kaichelors bul'on of Cam ge. Osmond Royal of It 1. iiove in amaze of CI--— r c. 319 THE BLACK DWARF. 320 Love age........ Duke of S s x. Bind— weed of G 1 r. Lovelies a bleeding Prince Leopold. Gold of pleasure The name not unlike Hum . Love in idleness Princess ditto. Dutch Myrtle Prince of Orange. Alexanders Emperor of Russia. Wild Cicely Duchess of C •. Devil in the bush King of Spain. The Common Nettle Lord C tie h. Black Henbane S dm h. Devils bit ( Scabiosa) Mr. G. C g. Sloe Tree Mr. N. Van- t- art. Scrambling Rockets The Cabinet Ministers. S'Ignatiua's Beans Bench of Bishops, 7/ one- wort Lord El- b— h. Flea- bane E — d — n. Snake- weed L— p— 1. Spearmint ....•••• Wellington. Fox- glove Holland. Wood- bine Mrs. M. A. Clarke. Coculus ladicus Earl Moira. Fig- wort Sir W. Curtis. Bitter sweet, or ) .. ...... f „„ Woody Nightshade .... \ Mr- ' H » « force. BiVcA- tree Mr. Brougham. Artichoak Mr. Tierney. Deadly Nightshade St. Stephen's Chapel. Bloody- docks .. .. Admirals of the Red. Water- Docks Marine OScers om half pay. Sumach ( alias Some- Acha . . The disappointed Princes. Lady Smocks . Maids of honour. Ladies Bedstraw Ladies of the bedchamber. Barren wort The Male branches of the R F— Chick- weed The Branches of R y in ex- pectancy. Herb Trinity The efficient Clergy. Cleavers Pensioners and Placemen. Swallow wort Sinccurists. Reed Courtiers. Heath Ministerial Minions. Bistiop's- weed Deans, Prebends, & c. Bubble- kite ...... . National Debt. . Rag wort Bank of England. Flea wort Excise Officers. Dragons Police Officers. Crowfig Brock, Pelham, Vaughan, & C. Loose strife and Catchweed, Messrs. Oliver, Caitfes, Rey- nolds, Stc. Spurge, or common Laurel .. R. Southey, Poet Laureate. Solomon's Seal Not the R t's. English Mercury Opposition Newspapers. Sow Thistles Fools who go to law. Arbor Viia; An incorruptible English Jury. Coltsfoot Young Nobility in training for office at the public expence. Foolstone The potatoes thrown at the R 1. & c. & c. & c. &. At a Meeting of the Inhabitants of Middleton, on the 27th April, the following Resolutions were adopted unanimously :— SAMUEL BAMFORD, in the Chair, lit. That all men are by nature equal, free, and independent. 2d. That, when society and civilization began to be cultivated by man' the inhabitants of cities and towns found tkemselves too numerou ® to deliberate personally upon things touching the general interest and welfare of the State, whereupon they chose men known for their wisdom and virtue, to legislate for them in such a manner, as the people would do were they present, and froin hence sprung the only rational system of government ever known, namely, a go- vernment delegated by the people. 3d. That upon principles, such as the foregoing, was originally formed the English House of Commons ; that in conjunction with the aris- tecratical and executive powers, the voice and will of the people Plight be heard, and made known, as it would be if the whole of IMein were present, before the King aai his Nobles. 4th. That a House of Commons, really delegated by the people, could not, consistently with its nature and intent, do any thing contrary to the interest or the will of the people, who gave it being, and for whose welfare alone it ought to exist. 5th. That the House of Commons has long since ceased to act for the benefit of the people, whose servant it ought to be, and from whom it ought to emanate. 6th. That the Commons House is become the mere instrument of the Boroughmongers; and, instead of acting as faithful stewards of the people's righisand property, has, from time to time assisted in de- priving them of both, by the most unjustifiable means, by the basest hypocrisy. 7th. That the people of England have been deprived of their ancient representation, by the decay of borough-, by the influence of a base oligarchy, by bribery, corruption, and perjury, and by the dishonourable servility of the generality of electors. 8th. That, thus constituted, the irembers of the House of Commons have assisted in carrying on unjustifiable and expensive wars ; that they have covered with wealth and honour, ( honour such as men like themselves, are capable of conferring) persons whose claims to public remuneration arise only from the zeal and ability by them displayed in violating every principle of humanity, aad in leading on slaughtering crusades against the liberties aud happiness of mankind. 9th. That the Commons House has, contrary, to the will of the people voted away immease sums of money for the purpose of keeping up in time'of peace a large standing army, contrary to the rules anil regulations prescribed by our forefathers, for the good govern- ment of this island. 10th. That to support this abominable system, they have exacted from the people the fruits of their labour and industry, and have thereby plunged thousands into starvation, misery, crime, and even to death. Ilih. That they have laid upon us, burdens which we cannot bear, and which if we could, they have no right to compel us to bear, inas- much as they are imposed upon us contrary to our will, and in vio- lation of every principle of justice. 12tli. That we are taxed from the crown of the head to the sole of the feet, that iu our habitations we cannot enjoy the light of tiie sun without paying a tax, and that the light of the taper by night is [ axed; that the liquor which we drink, and the food which we consume are taxed, as well as the houses in which we dwell. 13th. That in order to stifle die groans and execration? of a people so oppressed, they annihilated the personal security of every man, save themselves, forced many innoccut iuto dungeons, and some even to death. 14th. That in order to remove these numerous evils, we ate determined unceasingly t « advocat; a Reform in the Commons House, and, in pursuance of this determination, we thereby pledge ourselves, to use every effort in our power to promulgate the principles of Reform. 15th. That Petitions similar to that recommended by Major Cartwright be adopted by the inhabitants of this town. 16ih. That the Thanks of this Meeting are due, and are hereby given to Major Cartwright, Lord Cochrane, Mr. Cobbeti, Mr. Hunt, Mr, Wtioler, Mr. Lovcll. and Mr. Slierwin, for their patiiotic exertions in the cause of the people. 17th. That the thanks of this Meeting be given to Thomas Taylor, Isaac Timpuley, Edward liutferworlh, John Ruckley, William Dean, William Bamford, antl John Cheetiiam, for their readiness in sign- ing the Requisition. The Thanks of the Meeting were then given to the Chairman, and the Meeting quietly dissolved. The Speakers in attendance, wete Messrs. Knight, Ogden, Fittoii, Drummond, Pilkington, Btadbury, and Kay. Printed and Published by and for T. J. WOOLER, 58, Sun- street, Bishopsgate. Sold at No. 4, Catherine- street, Strand ; where all communication! ( post- paid) are requested to be addressed. T
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