THE SATURDAY, MARCH 29, 1845. JOHN ELDRIDGE, Tailor, & c., Turville. J. E. begs to inform the gentry and inhabitants of Turville and the neighbouring villages, that he has commenced business at the above place. After fourteen years' steady and industrious application to his business in different shops both in town and country, he can venture to assert that he has acquired a know- ledge of every part of it, and bv combining economy of charge with judgment and taste, hopes to recommend himself to the public as a tradesman in whom confidence may be placed. has given but a temporary impetus to the county press. The " Herald " furnishes a faithful account of the petty sessions at Aylesbury, Buckingham, and Thame, and the proceedings of the Chiltern choristers ; it extracts also from the Oxford or Windsor papers all local intel- ligence of Wycombe, Marlow, or Eton. Johnny Gibbs has boldly endeavoured to supply the deficiency of interesting news, and his present trouble is much to be regretted. Whatever he begins he accomplishes well, and, were he even to tell a lie, he would tell a good one, we are well assured. But notwithstanding regular correspondence and clever invention, a weekly paper in our county will seldom be worth reading. It will be our principle to supply interest to the " Nortliend Album," and we promise to defer the publication of each succeeding number until we have something new to communicate. NORTHEND, MARCH 29, 1845. Know ye the land, where the donkey and gipsy Are all of the strangers that gladden the sight, Where the songs of the merry, the rows of the tipsy, Now make up a party, now end in a fight ? Know ye the land of the furze and the beech, Where the men ever labour— the wives ever preach; Where the broad wheels of waggons, conveying a load, Grate harsh o'er the masses of flint in their road; Where the public and beer house are spots of resort, And the stay of a customer never is short; Where the tints of the gorse, and the looks of the shy, In beauty though varied, in greenness may vie, And the watchword of tenants is—" Never say die;" Where the natives are soft as the grass that they tread, And all, save the farmer of Blackmoor, are wed ? ' Tis the confine of Bucks, ' tis the land of Northend— Can it smile on such lines as its poet hath penn'd? Oh! wild as the warblers of College- wood trees Are the race which it bears, and the fun which it sees. The situation of Northend is quiet, though central; and the country in its general character may be con- AMOS CHERRILL, Ladies', Gentlemen's, and strong Boot and Shoe Maker, Northend, Bucks, begs to inform the inhabitants of Northend and the neighbourhood, that he has com- menced business in the above line, and he hopes to be favored with their support. Repairs carefully done, and the lowest price charged. WANTED, to break stones at 4d. per load, an old man. No one under seventy years of age will be treated with. Apply to the Surveyors of Turville. It is considered prudent to offer an apology for the introduction of a third periodical into the county, and it is toped that novelty of design may be sufficient excuse. One objection applies equally to the " Bucks Herald" and the " Aylesbury News," since each of these jour- nals professes to follow a decided line of politics. The first newspaper of the times— or the " Times" newspa- per— advocates no one opinion throughout the year; and the editor of the " Northend Album " is attached to no particular party, but attends all parties to which lie is invited. There is a lamentable dearth of accidents and suicides in Bucks, and the horrible murder at Salt Hill 2 THE NORTHEND ALBUM. sidered open. The manners of the inhabitants are open, their houses are open to strangers, and in many instances to the winds and showers also : the common is open to donkeys of all parishes ; and the cricket club is open to play any respectable eleven of the neighbourhood. A carrier plies his weekly vocation between Northend and the metropolis, and he is strongly recommended to increase his rate of travelling and charging. The Watlington and Twyford coach will soon establish a direct communication between Northend and the adjoining counties of Berks, Wilts, and Oxon. Trade is generally flourishing. No timber merchant has cut his sticks this winter, and game dealers in the neighbourhood have made their shot. The Northend game is not sold : the staples of trade are chalk and char- coal. Both these articles Horace mentions to have been used in scoring by the ancients ; and it is remarkable that the natives of Northend have ever been distin- guished by their scoring capabilities. At the present day their scores— if not in the cricket- ground, at least in the public- house— impress a stranger with astonishment. " See! round the room on every beam and balk Are mingled scrolls of hieroglyphic chalk; Yet nothing heeded— would one stroke suffice, To blot out all here, Honour is too nice."— CRABBE. The hotel boasts a new landlord, and a boot maker has lately taken an adjoining house. Both the new comers appear anxious to suit the wishes of their cus- tomers and their wives. It is well known that the Alpine passes are so called because they are impassable in the depth of winter, and while we are writing the Northend road is abso- lutely unsafe. We hope that the exertions of the Lord Chancellor and Major Fane may be the means of pro- curing a turnpike road without a gate, before the period of the annual fair. At a short distance from Northend the want of water is severely felt. We understand that it is the scarcity of water which obliges the washerwomen of the New Gardens to charge exorbitant prices for their work. Dangerous travelling and expensive washing are the only objections to our country, and the great number of respectable pedestrians and dirty shirts to be seen upon the common may be thus explained. We lose no time in calling the attention of our read- ers to the lamentable state of beer in this country. The original signification of the term may be inferred from the word bier meaning barley in the Welsh lan- guage. We live in a barley country, but we may confidently assert that a repeal of the malt tax would scarcely affect the brewers of this neighbourhood. The following facts are submitted for their considera- tion :— A brewer of Bicester, in Oxon., has at present a i large quantity of beer that was brewed from malt, hops, and rain- water, without any other adjuncts ; at Shirbourn Lodge, also, in October, 1844, some very good ale was produced from the same simple ingredi- ents. We select these two instances as having fallen under our own immediate observation, and to out- neighbours in Henley, Marlow, Watlington, and Wy- combe, we strongly recommend the experiment. The sale of game, though legal, in few instances accords with our sense of propriety. The landlord too often enters into the extended trade of our times, relin- quishing all sport to the keepers, who accordingly " keep the game alive " during the summer months. When the landlord forgets a friend's table and sup- plies a dealer's shop, depending no more upon his own gun than upon his keeper's wires, let the evil bring its own remedy. In such a case, we trust that game may be— as we once hoped that the Affghans might be— exterminated by General Sale. The pace of the English race horse has not been improved in late generations, but the English gentle- man of the present day is considerably faster than his ancestors. So many estates have come into the market, so many persons have formed the acquaintance of George Robins, that the Premier has been constrained to remit the auction duty. 3 THE NORTHEND ALBUM. MISCELLANEOUS. The landlord of the White Hart has been taking measures ( and not short ones) for supplying the Northend Cricket Club with beer in the approaching season. We are glad to hear that an association will shortly he formed for the protection of the Northend fishery. The exclusion of Mr. Tempero's cows from the waters will be one of the first ob- jects of the association. Charitable carpenter. — During the late frost a young agricul- turist, of novel views, was taken into Mr. Barney's shop, and was there sheltered for several days from the inclemency of the weather. We understand that it is not the first time that this young gentleman has been taken in. Major Fane's vetches looked remarkably well before the rab- bits took them. The Northend Cricket Club will meet on Monday, May the 5th, for the first time. Mr. Rixon has kindly promised the present of a sheep ; and it is expected that the opening dinner will be con- ducted with much ceremony, as several new forms may be ob- served on the occasion. The cricketers intend to practise a more cautious style of play in the ensuing season. The hard hitting of Northend we condemn, and we never had a high opinion of the swipes, although two Pitchers belonged to the club in 1844. Up to the time of our going to press, no day had been posi- tively fixed for the Northend races. We may confidently assert that they will not take place before the last week in April. The recent fracas between a spinster of Turville Heath and a married lady residing not a hundred miles from Northend is likely to lead to no serious results. A mutual explanation and an amicable arrangement were effected on dit on St. Patrick's day. Mademoiselle had promised to forward Madame into Wed- nesday the 26th ( which, we presume, she implied by " knocking her into the middle of next week"), but, under the circumstances, she has not carried her threat into execution. We have authority for stating that the fits of lameness to which Mr. Hopper is liable are stern realities, and do not make their appearance whenever he goes into training for a running- match. This statement is necessary in consequence of reports to the contrary having lately been prevalent about Northend. We are afraid that Swing is making his entry into our hitherto tranquil country. On Thursday, about half- past five o'clock in the afternoon, we observed a very bad fire in the kitchen of an opulent neighbour. Instance of foresight. — A gentleman who settled a few years since on the Chiltern hills employed the poor of his parish in carrying out extensive improvements; he established schools, and distributed much in charity. Having thus reduced the poor- rate, he requested the farmers to repair his road to the parish church. Not a farthing was voted to the increase of the sur- veyor's rate — and the gentleman, unwilling to quarrel with his neighbours, was constrained to mend a dangerous road at his own expense. Tlie latter alternative had been foreseen by the farmers, and we give them so much credit for their foresight that we shall publish their names in the next number of the " Northend Album." We heartily congratulate Mr. Ferguson, who, after many dis- appointments, has at length discovered his lodgings. He is now established in them, with every prospect of permanence. ASTRONOMY. Captain Basil Hall has ably described an observation of the Polar star, which informed him, when homeward bound, that he was in the latitudes of the British chanael. His graphic descrip- tion is not a whit more interesting than the simple tale of Mr. Joseph Newell, who, on his first visit to the metropolis, was lost at night in the West end. He caught a glimpse of the Polar star — the only friend that he recognised in London— and afterwards experienced no difficulty in finding his way to the Bull, Holborn. Let incredulous readers consult Mr. Newell respecting this extra- ordinary instance of successful navigation, and they will give the people of Northend some credit for a knowledge of astronomy. Mr. James, of Watlington, can decipher the hieroglyphic of an almanack as satisfactorily as Francis Moore himself. He is now engaged in investigating the causes of the late comet's visit. Mr. Wright has succeeded in finding " the time of day" by astronomical observation, if we may judge from the fact of his being invariably late for church. It was he who discovered the difference of longitude between the Wormsley and Ibstone docks. His attention was directed to the subject by " Punch's" remarks on the difference of time between the four faces of St. Clement's clock; and he found, on the 1st of January, that the Ibstone dial showed the time of Copenhagen, and that the Wormsley clock seemed to be regulated for the Limerick meridian. In the sheet almanack, intituled " The Law Almanack," for 1845, the writer candidly predicts two annual eclipses of the sun. It is highly satisfactory to find that tho arrangements for these events have at length been concluded. Two eclipses ( the sole instances of " darkness visible " that ever occur) will be suffi- cient to satisfy the most greedy observer in the course of a twelvemonth, and the times of these anniversaries are already supplied by the Law Almanack. We know an old stager— we are not going to rhyme, but we know an old stager, whom we are happy to see engaged in arrangements for running a coach between Watlington and Slough, through Northend and Marlow. It is expected that the proprietor of the Twyford coach will unite with him in forward- ing his project. The comparative safety of coaching and steaming is placed in so startling a light by this worthy gentleman, that we must quote his words:—" You see, sir, if a coach upsets and throws you into a ditch, why! there you are, but, if a train runs over a bank and smashes you all, where are you ? " 142 THE NORTHEND ALBUM. HOP INTELLIGENCE. A young gentleman lately undertook for a wager to hop over 100 yards of ground in forty hops. He now declares that he has injured his foot; at all events, we do not consider his feet accom- plished. THE RING. Farmer will be happy to make a match with any lady under thirty, for not less than £ 1500 a side— will give £ 5 to make the match at Northend. Farmer will not mind bearing the expenses of the ring. May be heard of at the White Hart. PEDESTRIANISM. Flying Sam can be backed to walk six miles within the hour. The Missletoe Bough is fast recovering from his late run, and will soon be ready for a customer. It was rumoured that a certain person, now renting a bouse in Turville, intended to walk soon after the 25th of this month. LOCAL INTELLIGENCE. AYLESBURY. Mr. Christopher Tower has been elected a representative of the county, in the place of Mr. Scott Murray, who has accepted the Chiltern hundreds. Mr. Tower's declaration of opinion occasioned much discussion among his hearers. Political justice is a free subject for argument, and Mr. J. Gibbs, appreciating " the liberty of the subject," took great liberties with the queen's English. BUCKINGHAM. The public dinner at Buckingham on the 25th of February, might appear from the report of the speeches to have been, like all the public dinners of the county, " his grace the Duke of Buckingham in the chair," & c., & c. But we observe in the speeches a novel style, and, in oratory, as in architecture, we con- sider innovation dangerous. In 1844, the bold metaphor, of a still bolder lion, introduced by an orator at Buckingham, engaged the notice of the facetious " Punch." On the late occasion the speakers neglected the usual quotations of the county; they compared no events to " angels' visits," no person to " a tall bully;" they alluded not to the occa sional bliss of ignorance; there was no lady in the case, and it did not appear that any individual had been " convinced against his will," or, having done good in a clandestine manner, had blushed at the discovery of his fame. In fact, had not one of the county members repeated the lines:— " Oh no ! we never mention," & c. we should have considered the old style of Buckinghamshire oratory extinct. THAME. Festivities at Printital Manor House.— On Thursday last the above elegant abode, the seat of the Reverend Nogo Shoituppe was the scene of the most delightful reunion. The reverend gen- tleman having invited a large circle of his acquaintance to enjoy the pleasures of their mutual society in his spacious manor- house, the guests began to arrive at six o'clock, and amongst them we noticed Sir Maximus Sponge, the Earl of Dulsnoozie, President of the Edinburgh cabinet library, Senor Guano, the Ichaboe ambassador, T. Oady, Esq., with his numerous family, Thomas Broadcast, Esq. of Lubbersdown, and Henry Dull, Esq. of Loutsley. Dinner was served precisely at twenty minutes to seven. To particularize the rich viands and recherche wines would be useless, but we cannot refrain from noticing a superior shoulder of Leicester mutton, from the shop of Messrs. Chalkveal and Shortweigbt, the reverend gentleman's butchers, which, with its accompanying tureen of onion- sauce from the reverend gen- tleman's own kitchen- garden, called forth the approbation of all beholders. The small beer also was much admired. Our re- porter was hospitably regaled with a whole half- pint mug of it, and has been perfectly well ever since. Indeed such liberality as this of the reverend gentleman's reminds us of the good old times, when the feudal baron revelled in his hall surrounded by his numerous retainers. After dinner " the feast of reason and the flow of soul" con- tinued for more than twenty minutes, when the guests were sum- moned to attend the most gratifying part of the evening's enter- tainment. On descending to the servants' hall, they found the children belonging to the reverend gentleman's Sunday school, to the number of five, who were immediately regaled with a cinder of the purest Wednesbury coal, and a glass of fair water. We trust that a demand for tooth- picks made by a discontented indi- vidual, will not prevent the future exercises of the reverend gen- tleman's liberality. On returning to the drawing- room, Mr. T. O. Bunyan, the re- verend gentleman's chiropodist, was introduced, and the evening passed in the discussion of scientific subjects, under his direction. His grace the Duke of Chiselem had been expected, but was, un- fortunately, prevented joining the reverend gentleman's party by indisposition. We are requested to state positively that the reverend gentle- man's benefices of Putintipe cum Printital, are not in the gift of Queen's College, Oxford. That independent print, " The Buck- ingham Slavey," has repeatedly asserted that the reverend gentle- man never belonged to that learned body. WYCOMBE. One Sunday our attention was engaged by the appearance of a new quotation in the" Bucks Herald," and rejoiced were we to find that it had been supplied by a Wycombe correspondent. The chief magistrate of that borough having been elected to fill the 5 THE NORTHEND ALBUM. civic chair, made a feeling speech, concluding with the words :— " Wycombe! with all thy faults I love thee still." Any information respecting the early habits and education of this poetical mayor, will be thankfully received by the editor of the N. A. WATLINGTON. The editor of the " Soft Sawderer," states that Sir Maximus Sponge wishes it to be understood that he is not related to any gentleman of his name, who may have lately been quartered in any part of the county of Oxford. " You'll buy my liquors, or you'll leave my inn," The brewer spoke, and mark'd his tenant's sneer, " You're laughing."—" Yes!" said Jemmy with a grin, " You'll never find me in bad spirits here." Alas! no master of fox- hounds has yet accepted the Watlington country, and a sort of Dutch auction will award it to the gentle- man who will agree to hunt it for the lowest sum. The delay of these arrangements encourages the hope that Mr. Fane may relinquish all ideas of giving up his merry harriers. OXFORD. A gentleman lately communicated to a friend his intention of changing his religion immediately upon his father's death, being unwilling to shock the feelings, and thwart ( or alter ?) the will of a parent, by an untimely declaration of his conversion. This friend kindly mentioned the fact in a letter, which was published in the Oxford Journal. We know not whether most to admire the filial consideration, or the religious sincerity of the convert. We hope, however, that his parent may become acquainted with his change of opinions, that after the father's decease the dutiful son may find himself all right, id est— left nothing. At the late assizes Baron Piatt displayed great ignorance of university affairs. In the case of" Tollit v. Astley," he enlarged on the propriety of attending chapel, and denied the consequent necessity of hiring cover- hacks — as if a man could come out of chapel at half- past eight, and go some twenty miles to the cover- side before half- past ten, without the assistance of " an ack!" The fastest men could not perform such a fete. The Oxford jury very properly decided that cover- hacks are essential to the well being of under- graduates. Baron Piatt main- tained an opposite opinion, but he might as reasonably have at- tempted to convince twelve men of Northend that beer is not one of the necessaries of life. Below London Archimedes' screw has been found very ser- viceable in propelling packets, and at Oxford Tollit's screws afford the under- graduates every facility for rapid locomotion. The defendant, it appears, is a miner, who has worked through a great deal of tin in the course of his labours. Since the degradation of Mr. Ward no measures of importance have been taken by the University. Mr. Ward lost his degree, and, if in taking one he experienced but half the trouble that the Editor underwent, the loss must be serious indeed. Mr. Walker is very sincere In opinion of virtue and morals, And would much rather not interfere With the great University's quarrels. He was press'd by an obstinate friend For his vote on the recent occasion, So he drove his horse down from Northend In good time to attend Convocation. Alma mater then shew'd him her spires, And he look'd with respect and with glee at her, And he thought of the acts she requires All her sons to perform in the theatre— First to borrow a cap that don't fit, And on no account carry a hat in, Next to kick up a row in the pit, And say nothing except in dog Latin. Such a crowd in a hurry push'd on, It requir'd no small courage to face it— " Where are you shoving to ? " ask'd a don, Mr. Walker said quietly " placet." The dons spoke a great deal on the whole; Mr. Ward seem'd a very fair talker; Cried the Vice," Come along to the poll," " I am going to Northend," said Walker. Now the members decided with glee On the guilt of the culprit, and for it he Was kick'd out of a master's degree In the teeth of a sturdy minority. " As to testing the truth of a book, Such a meeting as this can be no test; Such injustice no Christian can brook"— Johnny Bode said, and enter'd a protest. Mutter'd Ward, on retiring from view, " Now, you fellows, I'll cut your society, And, although, I'm no master, it's true, Mistress Ward may be woo'd with propriety." A don heard him, and said with a frown, " You young heretic, now you are shrinking, But we'll take away Mrs. Ward's gown If she lean to the same way of thinking." They proceeded to damn a new tract, And, though Walker was ready to curse it, he Was surpris'd that so simple an act Should have needed the whole University. Alma mater has no sense of right, Or indeed this proceeding had shock'd her— " If you please"— said the Vice in a fright, " But we don't please," retorted a Proctor. " Placetne vobis," my readers ? say " placet," and I shall be satisfied HENLEY- UPON- THAMES. An inhabitant of this town having prepared an essay upon the influence of the river on the beer brewed in that town, the num- ber of tea parties given it, and the quality of the negus handed round at the public and other balls of the place, would be much obliged if Mr. Walker would inform him of the best way of 6 THE NORTHEND ALBUM. bringing it into tbe notice of government, with a view to reme- dying the evils he has so much cause to complain of. Notice.—" On Tuesday, the 1st of April, a meeting will be holden at the Red Lion Inn, Henley- on- Thames, at one o'clock in the afternoon, for the purpose of taking into consideration the propriety of forming in Henley, a local branch of the " General Anti - poking - your - nose - into - other - people's - business Society," which has already been productive of so great and beneficial results in London and other places, ( as may be seen on reference to the pages of the Times, Punch, and other journals,) and of which the want has so long been felt in this neighbourhood. The chair will be taken by the president of the Parent Society, and several gentlemen from London and other places will address the meeting." [ We are very glad to hear that there is a chance of a society of this kind being formed in Henley, and we sincerely hope that it will be vigorously supported. We ourselves will be there, and a report of the proceedings shall appear in our next.— ED.] In the final examination of Thomas Hocker, Mr. Rawlinson made the following remark and encpiiry. " People sometimes wash their hands before eating, did he do so ? " Fortunately for the prisoner, it appeared that he had not done so, for his ob- servance of a practice so old and obsolete would have been strong evidence of bis guilt. Lady Macbeth suffered in ber doctor's opinion for a similar proceeding. NOTICE OF NEW WORKS. We are glad to find that " The History of the Dons up to the Nineteenth Century," from the pen of the well- known Smiler will soon be published. Mr. Bell, whose Life has engaged so much of the public attention, has nearly completed the new work entitled " The fall and decline of the Oxford Stables." " Walker's Wanderings " is in the press. An anonymous contributor has given us some excellent advice, and we so fully coincide with the sentiments of the writer, that we cannot help transcribing his letter, as a guide to our future correspondents. Mr. Walker is not naturally so satirical as our friend imagines. London, March 25. DEAR WALKER, Your correspondents can never want subjects for their satire, while ill- conducted journals aud persons are tolerated in their neighbourhood. They may be allowed to cut up such subjects, without any great knowledge of practical anatomy. Legitimate satire notices the follies of a class rather than the failings of an individual; broad hints may be given, and stringent remarks may be made, generally, when the personal application of inuendo or invective would defeat the object of the writer. I take off my hat, and spend threepence, when I arrive at " Punch's" office, but I turn with disgust from the newsvender who has a number of the " Satirist" in his hands. I am now preparing an article on British brandy, ( a most noxious article too) also a paper on " Young England", for your next number; and, if I condemn both the drug and tbe party, I hope that you will not think me the less patriot. Believe me, Dear Walker YOUR WELL- WISHER. " Young England" cannot well be regarded as a political party, although the movement in favor of white waistcoats at first created some alarm. We are authorised to state that they will take no decisive step before the ensuing Derby day. " Coming events cast their shadows before," and we can already see above the political horizon the white— the white—" Ob! no, we never mention them," as our member said at Buckingham— in fact," Young England" will next bring forward the claims of white unmentionables ! It is rumoured that the formation of the party was a ruse for the general advertisement of " Coningsby."— ED. The Editor requests that all communications maybe addressed to " Mr. Walker, White Hart, Northend, Henley- upon- Thames." Mr. Walker was a man of letters at a time when his correspondence was doubly valuable ; he was Two- penny Postman when he first took notes, and his occu- pation gave him considerable insight into life. Burns did not allude to him personally when he wrote the well known lines :— " A chiel's amang ye takin' notes, And, faith ! he'll prent it." And Scott, when he prefixed this quotation to the " Tales of my Landlord", was not acquainted with the host of the White Hart. On May 10th, will be published the second number of tbe " Northend Album," price two- pence, or stamped, three- pence. Orders received by Mr. Spyer, Printer, Watlington. The second number will contain a copious review of the present stale of Buckinghamshire literature. London:— Printed by George Nichols, of Earl's Court, Leicester Square, in the County of Middlesex, Printer, at his office in Earl's Court, Leicester Square, aforesaid, and Published by Nobody at present.— Saturday, March 29, 1845.