FI& ARO IN LOWIOM. Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or SEEN.^- LADY MONTAGUE. r " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political History. Tbev supply information habits often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CROKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. as to the person and No. 208. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 1835. Price One Penny LADY FRANCES IN A FAINTING FIT. The subject of Seymour's caricature this week, is one that needs hut few words from our pen to illustrate. Every body knows how Burdett has treated his old friends and supporters, bv turning round against them on every possible occasion for the last five years, and how the Men of Westminster have pertinaciously per- sisted in proving their gullibility bv still sending him into Parlia- ment. Why they have done this nobody can possibly say, though we believe it arises from the fact, that a stupid and ignorant Junta have generally assumed the management of the election, and they have invariably sent poor old Burdett into the house, though it has long ceased to derive any benefit from his services. No one has yet been found with sufficient boldness to show up Burdett iu his true light as a quack and political pretender, until O'Connell VOL. IV. has taken liim in haud, and shown rather plainly his real charac- ter. Seymour with, if possible, more than his customary tact, has seized this advantage, and has adroitly contrived t. o turn the cir- cumstance to account, as a source of public amusement, by making it the subject of a tableau, all but vivant, in this week's FIGARO. Every one knows that Burdett, having failed in his pet projeet of being made a Lord, has chosen, in his latter days, to become an old ladv, and having taken a leaf out of Eldon's book, has assumed all the contemptible foolery of that very doubtful character. O'Con- nell having, in his fine bold broad outline, given something like a very rough sketch of old Lady Burdett, and having made use of some words rather more strong than merciful, has put the poor old ex- Radical into such a state of serious trepidation, that Seymour's pencil, which, like the forked lightning, illuminates while it des- troys, lias shed a sort of hectic brilliance over the poor creature, whom it was supposed nothing could ever again shed the smallest lustre upon. Seymonr has represented him in his true, though only newly discovered character of an old woman, fainting at the straight- forward language of O'Connell, who is not in the habit of mincing matters, though he can cut up rather unsparingly. It is by no means a bad thought in the sagacious Seymour, who has placed Wellington as the supporter of poor Francis, and we can only say, that the support is in every respect worthy of the thing supported. Seymour has this week been so unusually graphic and self explanatory in his pictorial effort, that we are spared the necessity of going further into a description of it, and we therefore leave it as a fine lesson for the imagination of the whole world to practice upon. INTERPRETER. A Good Hint. In an advertisement in one of last Sunday's papers, we perceive the following hint;— that " if Mr. So and So, do not instantly cash up, W. Strange, 21, Paternoster Row. J 1 9 6 FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 their names will be published and legal proceedings commenced against them.'' It is no bad plan of collecting money, to threaten ex- posure, for where the hand and the pocket are lethargic, the feelings may be sensitive, and where the memory of debts is short, there could be no better refresher than a public advertisement. But if every tradesman were to advertise the names of his customers in arrear, what a terrific influx would the columns of every newspaper experience. There would be nothing but fine names of noblemen and gentlemen, in each of the public prints, if the system alluded to were made at all general, * Funny Advertisement. Among other funny advertisements that at present grace the columns of the journals is an announcement headed in the most tempting man- ner, VIRTUES OF A CRUST OF BREAD. Now we do not think that it is very necessary to publish to the world the fact of a crust of bread possessing virtues, though we really should very much like to know what are the virtues it possesses. Is it that a crust is remarkable for its chastity, its patience, or perhaps it is honourable on account of its often being the representative of charity, or perhaps, in the true spirit of Christianity or crusty- anity, it is celebrated for its enduring hardship. CITYANA- Nov 1 Copeland's First " Now then, my tulip," said the new City functionary, the other morning, as he entered the Mansion House, casting his expressive eyes upon the delicate form of young Hobler ; " now, then, can you tell why I am like a merchant who trades in an eastern country ? " After three or four vain attempts on the part of poor Hobler, the crockery- man explained. " Why, you son of a sea- gull, don't I deal in - China." Hobler did penance by swallowing the scraper, and the dirt to boot ! A Capital One Hobler, having nothing else better to do on Monday, amused the Mansion- House monarch by reading aloud the Times ; when he came to the following paragraph :—" Yesterday the Recorder made his report to his Majesty at Brighton of the undermentioned ca- pital convicts " Copeland cried, " Stop, stop ! What does the wag of Printing- house- square mean by capital convicts; who, in the name of all that's wonderful, ever heard of a capital fellow being transported, except it was with joy." At the time of our going to press, Hobler was gulping down the bell- rope, on the principle that a penny- loaf must be equalled in flavor by a twist! A Jew- dicious ( judicious) Answer " In what street did Salomons' committee take up their quarters ?" enquired the spirited Stevens of Charley Pearson. " Why, in the Old Jewry, to be sure," responded the ^ in- teel under- sheriff1. THE CITY ESSAY, Every body is by this time aware of the fact that the present Lord Mayor, his highness Copeland, is intimately connected with the literature of the country, having a cousin who wrote an article in the Fortnightly Magazine, and his Lordship having been himself likewise a bit of a dabbler in letters, by having frequently drawn up his own advertisements of his own china, for insertion in the various newspapers. On this account, it was thought absolutely advisable that Copeland, on his accession to the Cockney throne, should do something to mark his connection with the literature of that part of the kingdom which is east of Temple Bar, and he ac- cordingly consulted with his nephew, who pretends to be a literary man, because he t. nce copied something out of an old Magazine, and sent it to the Mirror, in which it was inserted under the ho- nourable head of Gleanings. The result of the consultation with this learned Theban was, that his Cockney Majesty, the Lord Mayor, should offer a reward for an Essay, and the subject was the only thing that it seemed difficult to hit upon. The Lord Mayor and his literary nephew laid their wooden heads together for two hours, and it was at length agreed that a reward should be offered for an Essay on the Life of Offa, King of Mercia, which offer, or offa, Copeland declared he thought was very magnificent. Several essays have of course been handed in, for all the learning of Tooley- street has been challenged, and the elaborate resources of Eastcheap have been called into operation upon this important oc- casion. We may, on some other opportunity, feel disposed to print in our collection all the rejected communications that the compe- tition elicited, but we must at present content ourselves with print- ing the CITY PRIZE ESSAY, which is from the pen of Timothy Tumbleguts, Effingham Wilson s head- shopman. It runs as follows :— Essay on the Life of Offa, King of Mercia. Offa, who is the subject of our present essay, was born in a year of which there is no positive record, and the exact date of his birth is therefore unattainable. We should say, however, from autho- rities we have consulted ( Vide the National Omnibus and other scarce works) that Offa must have been born some time after the birth of his parents ( Vide Chambers' Edinburgh Journal, and other black letter volumes). It would appear that Offa ( who was, it seems by the title of the Essay, King of Mercia) must have been chief of the Mercer's Company, and hence the old chap was called King of Mercia. By an old volume, published in the year 1829 by Catnach, we find that the Mercers had several magnificent offers made them, and this very Offa must have been one of them. This Essay was pronounced at once successful, and Copeland or- dered the ten guineas to be paid out of the till in the cliina- shop. A PILE HUMBUG. There is one Mr. Martin Van Butchell, who advertises to cure every kind of disease, on his father's principle, and is ready on his parental basis to operate on any poor devil who stands in need of it. But his grand point is his cleverness in the cure of piles, in cases where the usual treatment has failed. If he can do this we should strongly recom- mend him as the very fittest person possible to be called in to Black- I'riars Bridge, the piles of which have been morefatal than any other that we ever heard of. DANGERS OF THE THAMES. The Lord Mayor and Aldermen have been meeting together in order to discuss that most important subject the dangers of the Thames ; and the speeches made upon the occasion, have been such as to create for them the strongest compassion possible. The Lord Mayor said, that as it was necessary for the civic govern- ment to go on the water at least once a year, it had now become high time to consider of some plan for equalising the surface of the watery monster, and bringing down the waves upon the levelling principle. A variety of speeches were spoken, and a great number of sug- gestions were made, one of which was that the Thames should be filled up, though a difficulty arose as to the material with which it could be filled up. Some proposed filling it up with the scrap- ings of shoes from all the city scrapers; but upon a survey it was found there would not be sufficient mud imported for that purpose. Alderman Venables did'nt see why they should not have the Thames drunk off, and a motion was carried asking aid from the Temoerance societies, which were to be requested to enforce on their members the absolute necessity of swallowing the whole of the water in the Thames within the next three weeks. Alderman Lucas ( lucus a non- lucendoj humbly suggested that FIGARO IN when the tide should be once down, it should be tied down, and so prevented from ever getting1 up again. Another Alderman proposed that a quantity of oil should be thrown into it, to calm its stormy nature ; but after some consi- deration, it struck the meeting that this would have the effect of making it deeper, even if it made it less boisterous, and it occurred to the court that it was quite as easy to be drowned in calin water as in more tempestuous fluid. Before the meeting separated, it was resolved there was no getting the better of old Father Thames, whom they pronounced to be too deep for anything. BREVITIES. A Good Reason Some people wonder that thanks were voted the other day by the Court of Aldermen to the late Lord Mayor Winchester. When we remember that he has just left office, the vote of thanks seems perfectly natural. O Crimini ! j We understand that the criticisms on Covent Garden Theatre are, for the future, to be classed under the head of Central Criminal Court. What a Bore ! General Mina is said to have become very active in the affairs of Spain, and, as a general miner should, he is going to the very bot- tom of every thing. A Fine Rate. At a meeting to make a church rate somewhere in Devon, some one proposed to postpone the rate— a motion that was carried. This shows that the church is going at a precious rate. Something Short. Though we are advocates for short parliaments as a popular benefit, we are not among those who would give the people short commons. What a Pity A wag says that the National Gallery ought rather to be called the National Pit, for there is a vast sum of the national money sunk in it. THEATRICALS. Drury Lane continues to triumph, and Covent Garden is, as we expected it would be, open every night to houses averaging from thirty to forty pounds— a sum which, notwithstanding the meanness of the management, is not equal to above one third of the expences. During the first week or so of the cheap and nasty regime, all the scum of the earth flocked to the Theatre, and accordingly a quantity of coin of some kind got into the hands of the lessee, though were there the same punishment for receiving stolen money as there is for receiving stolen goods, the management might have found itself in an awkward position. The grand cause of this grand failure is the grand humbug of the lessee himself, putting himself forward as a leading actor. He may lead, and is leading his whole company to the deuce as fast as possible. At the Surrey, Osbaldiston was, we believe, never more than a second or third- rate actor in the time of Mr. Elliston, and having got somehow or other into the situation of stage- manager, and ultimately into that of lessee, he thrust himself into principal characters Having taken Covent Garden. it is utter madness < n him to suppose he can be tolerated as a leading actor there, for though the prices are reduced LONDON. 179 from what they formerly were, yet when he acts, the quality of the enter- tainments are reduced in so much greater a proportion than the price that the latter becomes positively exorbitant. Virginius, by Mr. Osbaldiston, was visible at half the present Covent Garden prices over the water, and with the same interesting addition of Mrs. W. West in Servia; who then on earth would pay to see Covent Garden polluted by the performance. There is now not the smallest hope left for the concern, though, among other fashionables, the house, a few evenings since, could boast the pre- sence of one half of the swell mob, besides a strong detachment of sturdy butchers from Whitechapel, who gave a brawny, if not a very brilliant, coup d'ceitto the sixpenny gallery. It is a positive fact that no person of any decency now goes to the house, and that to be seen in Covent Garden dress- circle would sound as bad at a police- office as to be seen in low com- pany. We are given to understand that Osbaldiston will bring the prices down lower still, if he should find all his stock of cash exhau ted ; but we can only say, that reduce to as great an extent as he may, he never can bring down the prices to a level with the present quality of the perform- ances. It may be all very well for him to read his own name in black capitals at the bottom of his own bills, but the fun will turn out, we sus- pect, rather ruinous in the end. On Tuesday night the manager of Covent Garden presented the public with what he, in his customary facetious manuer, is pleased to call a comedy. The title of this affair is the ' Inheritance,' though its second name of the Unwelcome Guest is rather more appropriate, for anything so unwelcome, it is hardly possible to think of. The idea of Fitzball writing a comedy is almost as good a thing as a sexton dancing an Irish jig.— Fitzball knows about as much of real life as a donkey does of the theory of gravitation, or as Lord Winchester does of anything. Fitzball is essentially the re- action of a disordered imagination. To him the bell pulls of a drawing- room, seem only as the ropes- for hanging murderers ; when he looks even upon the domestic hearth broom, its bristles are as human hair, and the glue which fastens them in their handle is, in his imagination, clotted brains, congealed blood, and other delicacies of the art of manslaughter. His fender and bars seem to him the grating of a prison— his poker, a poignard— his shovel, a spade to dig the graves of the damned, and his tongs are pincers to tear off the flesh of the unfortu- nate. He is wrapped up in the horrible. He could not drink his tea if he did not fancy his tea- cup was a stage property, in the shape of a poisoned chalice— he would refuse to eat even his meal, if he did not know that it must be carved— and he thinks how beautifully a throat could be cut with a carving knife. He would never go to bed, but that when he sees liis white sheets, he can indulge himself by fancying that they are shrouds— and he allows himself to be shaved in the fond hope that the barber will some day take the opportunity of making a melo- dramatic point by cutting his jugular. When such is a true description of the mind of Fitzball, what is one to expect when one hears that this very Fitzball has writteu a genteel comedy? What must the consequence be ? A failure, of course, and it is a failure. Then, too, when we are told that this genteel comedy is to be acted by such genteel people as II. Wal- lack, Vale, ( a good low comedian), Mrs. West, and others. Why, a failure must be the result— and it is so. H. Wallack is said to have been very effective in a very repulsive part, and we do not doubt that he was so. Vale, who is indeed a funny fellow, found Fitzball's genteel comedv a good deal too low for him, and he was as much out of his element as a dancing master at a fishing party. Altogether the thing was a very desperate failure, and it was very well hissed accordingly. Mow long it will be played is nobody's business, for nobody thinks of going now to the cheap and nasty establishment. At the Adelphi, on Monday, a new piece was produced from the prolific pen of Buckstone, whose talent, in the way of authorship, was beginning to be much wanted ; and it has, we think, come just in time to help the favourable turn that promises to bring round the fortunes of this establish- ment. The name of the new piece is ' A Dream at Sea,' and there is an immense deal of interest in the plot, efficiency in the situations, and neat- ness in the dialogue. Every part was well acted, which may be attributed to the tact of the author in fitting his performers, though the best part in the piece ( that assigned to Wilkinson) was the worst acted. Vining, of the Haymarket, really succeeded in being very impressive in his serious part, in spite of his being, as a cockney in the gallery called him, Whining. 7 198 FIGARO IN LONDON. O. Smith, as a sort of sea- monster, was truly delicious. We expected to have our throats cut every time he entered, and whenever he darted a look towards the box in which we sat, we instinctively began to '' take care of our pockets," as they try to do when they get into Covent Garden Thea- tre, In fact, if we had met O. Smith in a bye road, we should instinctively have offered him our life, in default of our having no purse to present to him. O. Smith seemed to feel this, and gave a happy chuckle of demoniac joy about once in every five minutes. Joking aside, he made quite a cha- racter of his part, as he almost always does, and his acting was very warmly as well as very deservedly applauded. Buckstone himself was inimitable in the part of a muffin- man, and was well supported by Mrs. Nisbett as his intended. Mr. Gallot was unobjectionable in the part of a wretched father, and, from his wig downwards to his shoe- buckles, pre- sented a fine picture of a miserable parent. Mr, Hemming, too, was quite at home as a lover in mourning for his affianced bride, and he wore a black suit with a discrimination which did him infinite credit. Of the getting up we are enabled to speak in the highest terms ; and however much may have been said ( perhaps justly) of the excellence of Mr. Yates as a stage director, he was not missed on this occasion, for the piece was put en scene by Mr. Mitchell in a manner quite equal to any thing we have ever seen at this establishment. The piece was eminently and most deservedly successful, having been given out for repetition amidst the most unbounded applause. We perceive, by paragraphs in the newspapers, that Mr. Braham's much- talked- of Theatre opens on Monday next, though we should hardly think it would be ready for opening until at least the Monday following. The company is spoken of as being good, and particularly strong in the ope- ratic department. In these days, it will be indeed delightful to see a Thea- tre spring up, as this seems to do, under the most favourable auspices. The situation is very much in its favour, and Mr. Braham's name is a tower of strength. An opera by Mrs. a'Beckett is said to be in rehearsal_ We hope the music is of the right sort, and if it is we shall be glad to see it succeed. Mr. Braham, we are informed, sings in it, which is very much in its favour. A D V E R T I S E M E N T S . TO CORRESPONDENTS. BTCKSTONE'S DRAMAS. We perceive that in order to be on a level with other collections of plays, Mr. Buckstone has reduced the price of his from one shilling to Sixpence, at which price the new piece of A Dream at Sea, is now published. In another portion of our paper we have spoken of the merits of this deservedly successful piece, and we now recommend the series of printed plays by the same author, to the attention of the purchaser. They are admirably got up and beautifully printed. Bob Short enquires the usual conditions on which a farce is played at minor theatres, and specifies the Surrey or Victoria. At a minor theatre like Vestris's, an author for a one act farce gets 201. if his piece be played more than six nights ; or 301. for a two act piece after the same period. The Adelphi pays, or used to pay about the same. Such theatres as tbe Surrey or Victoria, pay, ( when they do pay at all,) we should imagine about ten shillings per night for a farce, though we have heard of some low minded and low pocketed devils, who are glad to have their pieces played at half- a- crovvn per night, or even in some instances still lower. BUOKSTONE'S DRAMAS. " rrMJE DREAM AT SEA," now performing with unbounded ap- - » - plause at the Adelphi, is now published Price Sixpence. The first and second volumes of Buckstone's Dramas are now ready, price' 7s. each, bound in cloth. This Edition is carefully revised and corrected by the Author, with stage di( ections, costume, & c. & c. FUN AND INFORMATION ! ! ! FIGARO'S COMIC ALMANACK, for 1836: Contains, in addition to SEVENTEEN CUTS by SEYMOUR, all jthe useful Information contained in other Almanacks.— Price Twopence. In Numbers One Penny, and Parts price Fourpence, rSCALES OF THE SEA; being Naratives of Shipwrecks, & c. -•- No. 5ai. d Part 1, are now ready, with elegant Engravings. & c. Just Published, No. price One Penny, to be continued weekly, and in Monthly Parts, price 4d. ZOOLOGICAL ANECDOTES; commencing with that faithful friend of man, the DOG; including authentic particulars of its habits, sagacity, & c. and illustrated with numerous engravings. Neatly printed in Sve. on fine wove paper. *#* The idea of this work was suggested by the following passage in the TIMES, of September 30. In reviewing ' Jesse's Gleanings,' 3rd series, just published, the Editor says :—" The circulation, in a cheap form, of the anecdotes which Mr. Jesse's industry has brought together, would, we are convinced, effect more, than any acts of the Legisla- ture to prevent cruelty will ever be able to accomplish." This day is published, No. 1, price Threepence, with a Portrait of Mr. Cobbett, I^ OBBETT'S LECTURES on the following subjects:— 1. . French Revolution.— 2. English Boroughmongering.— 3. Grievances of the English People.— 4 Petition to the King — 5 Aristocracy of the Pegple— 6 Belgian Revo lution— 7 Church ProDeity— 8 New Police— 9 Talleyrand's Mission— 10 The Whigs- 11 The Standing Army. '. - . > Published by W. 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