FIGARO IN LON ON. Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen* LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political History. They supply information as to the person and habits often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CROKER'S NEW WHIO GUIDE. No. 206. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1835. Price One Penny THE REFORM ORGAN. EVERYBODY, about four years since, hailed the name of Russell as the harbinger of every thing like improvement in the political world, and, in fact, it was expected that Lord Johnny would have been the grand restorer of our rights and liberties. Everybody lias, however ( a very common case), been wofully disappointed, and Lord Johnny has restored nothing in the world but the repu- tation of the Whigs for humbug, a stigma which was in some de- gree wearing away when he brought in the Reform Bill, but which has revived in more than all its original force since they have been out and in again. It was hoped that, after fifty years and more of the most unbridled gammon, the Whigs had begun to repent of the VOL. IV. long list of acts of humbug in which they had been so often de- tected, and that, in the person of Lord John Russell, they mean at last to do something in earnest for the English people. It was fondly supposed that with Johnny, or little Jack ( as he is familiarly called), for their champion, they intended to battle with the Gogs and Magogs of corruption, having fixed on Russell as Jack the political giant- killer. But Jack has been found to be as great a humbug as all his associates; in fact, he has proved to be a regular Whig, which, like a barber's wig, seems to have a natural ten- dency to turning. He has in one short sentence betrayed his trust; he has been an apostate from the cause, and deserves to be tomahawked accordingly. But the best of the joke is, that small Johnny has perpetually put himself forward as the organ of the Reformers, just as Lady Barrymore used to be the organ of the female pugilists, or as Ikey Solomons might be looked upon as the organ of the wholesale thieves and retail pickpockets. So is Lord John Russell an organ, and a precious noisy one of the Whigs ; he is, too, like one of the street- organs, '' a chap wot won't move on,''— being, as he is, a pretended friend, but a real enemy to the movement. He strides up before the door, and in the tired ear of John Bull perpetually grinding the same tune, the burden of which — and a precious heavy burden to the country, too— is Whigs to Sell, and which song we print as a sort of warning to the public not to be taken in by it. It is set to the air of Cherry Ripe. Whigs to sell, Whigs to sell, Whigs I cry, Thick and thin ones come and buy; If so be you ask me where Whigs abound, I'll answer there— Where the public purse is found, There ypu'll find the Whigs abound. Whigs to sell, Whigs to sell, Whigs I cry, Out- and- outers come who'll buy. Such is the tune he has been continually striking up, but he occasionally, by way of variety, breaks off into a little patlietie W. Strange, 21,_ Paterroster Row. 198 FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 ballad, called Reform, chosen only for its name, and set to the touching air of Home, sweet Home. In place, yes, and out of place, in calm or in storm— Be we in, be we out, still our cry is Reform ; ' Tis a sound makes the people expectingly stare, And does more than aught else to support, I swear. Storm, storm, we've only to storm, And prpmise ( but never once give it) Reform. Without the word Reform we may gammon in vain— If we're out ' tis a word lays us all in again ; John Bull, ever anxious, flares up at the call; We've only to say it, to humbug them all. Storm, storm, we've only to storm, And speak of ( but never once give it) Reform. Such is the old song, and such the worn- out tune that the Whig organ has long been playing; and John Bull, though he has stood and listened a long time, has at length become so thoroughly worn out with the monotony of the sound, that he will listen to it no longer, and is driving poor little Jack away from him most dis- dainfully. Seymour has done the thing with his customary force, and has dug his poison- pointed pencil smack into the skull of poor Spring Rice, who accompanies Russell as a little begging puppy, and truly it is a most characteristic portrait. We cannot, how- ever, further dilate on the grandest of human tableaux. It is Seymour all over, and nothing higher can possibly be said of it. INTERPRETER. Wild Goose Chase, The King of Denmark has founded a golden medal, value twenty gui- neas, to be given to the first discoverer of a telescopic comet, that is not visible to the naked eye at the time of its discovery, and not of known revolution — Daily Paper. The King of Denmark is a liberal fellow, to offer a reward for a comet which nobody can possibly see, which no one can possibly expect, and which, by way of climax, no one ever thought of. A medal, worth twenty ducats, is to be given to any one who can see it. Of course every body will be on the look out, and we have already had a squint into the skies with our opera- glass, in the hope of getting the medal from his Majesty of Denmark. If no- body sees this comet, how very easy it will be for a rogue to swear that he has seen it, and do the government of Denmark out of the medal. All the scientific men are looking upwards, in the hope of seeing this comet that nobody is to see, and we hope they will see it for the sake of science in general, but of astronomy in particu- lar. By way of encouraging the study of the heavenly bodies, we hereby oifer the magnificent reward of a gooseberry puff to any little devil, under the age of six, who can see with his naked eye a half sovereign, situated between the Great Bear and the Gemini. The fortunate little devil ( under the age of six) who should see such a phenomenon, and prove that he has seen it, shall receive the aforesaid puff by applying at the office of this periodical. Cool Work. JONES V. POWELL.— Mr. Wakefield said, this appeal was heard before Lord Brougham, and his Lordship decided; but his decision was not satisfactory to any one of the numerous parties concerned. They there- fore wished for an early day to be appointed to rehear it. The Master of the Rolls saw no reason to depart from the usual course, and refused the motion.— Morning Chronicle. That the lawyers are the coolest fellows in Christendom is a fact known long ago, but the above is perhaps a more delicious specimen of sang froid than it usually falls to our lot to chro- nicle. Some people goto law to get a decision of which ( as is com- monly the case in law) happens to please nobody. The parties in a terrible stew come into Court, and beg for a new hearing to their cause; inasmuch as nobody has got what was wanted, and that, in fact, the decision of Brougham, as Chancellor, has merely served to set them more than ever at loggerheads. Upon this his Honour, the Master of the Rolls, coolly observed he saw no reason to depart from the usual custom. This was a candid acknowledg- ment that the usual custom of the Court of Chancery is to please nobody, and of course the Courts of Equity are intended rather as valves for getting rid of money than as the media for settling dif- ferences. People go to law— they are all equally disgusted with the result, and all apply for a new hearing, but are all told the Court cannot deviate from its usual custom of pleasing nobody. This conduct is as cool as a cucumber. WINCHESTERIANA. No. 10. Winchester was the other day reading an account of two ser- vant maids who were severely wounded in the face by a boy who had been out shooting. " Upon my say so," cried the ex- King of Cockaigne, " when the fellow shot his fellow- servants, he must have been rather out in his shooting." Hobler gave a God- like growl. A QUEER HEAD- PIECE. An Oxonian, who was shooting at Lord Chandos, was accidentally shot by a brother Oxonian. About fifty shots, says the paper, struck him in the body, and ten in the head, two in the temple, three in the mouth, six in the cheek, twelve in the eye, one in the nose, seven in the under- lip, fifteen in the double tooth, sixteen in the jaw, three in the eyebrow, besides some two or three score scattered indiscriminately about the nostrils. Notwithstanding all this severe whacking to the Oxonian, the paper adds that none of the wounds are at all dangerous, and that in fact the whole thing is of no kind of consequence. This says a great deal for the thickness of the Oxonian's head, and we congratulate him on his obtuseness. LORD MAYOR'S DAY. This grand piece of determined loggery took place on the ninth of November, and our City reporter has furnished us with a most delicious sketch of the whole proceedings. The procession has been fully set forth in all the newspapers, both daily and otherwise, — through which the whole world knows that Gog and the Lord Mayor, Mag'og Winchester, a dwarf Copeland, a sword- bearer Hebler, and all the City scum, collected in the thoroughfares, and travelled all the way through the City in their respective vehicles. The delights of the water part of the proceedings have not been sufficiently set forth, and we therefore supply a slight synopsis. The moment his Lordship got on board, the novelty of his situa- tion so thoroughly got the better of him that he fell smack upon his face, and dreadfully rumpled his eye- lash, which had been ironed out and starched for the occasion. Having recovered the first shock, his Lordship was saluted with a shower of pop- guns, pea- shooters, squibs, Catherine wheels, and detonating Congreve rockets. This splendid salute resounded from the buttresses of London Bridge to the shops in Gracechurch Street, and was echoed from the pump at Aldgate to the oyster- stalls in Cripplegate. A shower of terrific nut- shells was then sent in a swift volley from a greengrocer's stall in the precincts, and every thing seemed to speak of glory and of gluttony. When his Lordship recovered his footing, the blind Scotch band ( which was in attendance) struck up I " The Sea?' and playing rather out of tune, the effect was more | in character with that most uncertain element. A shower of pea FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 shells, saved from the summer season, was discharged from a barge off Vauxhal); and, altogether, no luxury seemed to be wanting to render the ceremony in every way worthy of the most illustrious occasion. At length, after a considerable deal of Thames sickness, and Blackfriars biliousness, the procession got as far as Westmin- ster, and they were landed on shore by the proper officers, who conducted the civic grandees into the presence of the judges- Di- rectly they hove in sight, the judges began to quiz. Lord Abinger congratulated Winchester on his enlightenment, and sarcastically recommended Copeland to follow his example. Winchester swore he felt flattered, Copeland took his oath upon his bill- book that he would do his very bestest, and the procession travelled, as fast as they could, Citywards. The next point in all this grand foolery was the Lord Mayor's dinner, of which we serve up a Bill of Fare, which is as accurate as, under the circumstances, we could lay our hands upon. It includes all the delicacies of the season, and some few dishes never yet introduced into civilised society. FIRST COURSE. Jugged Antelope. Swipes, Pickled Rats Tails. Swipes. Stewed Rhinoceros. Swipes. Devilled Buffalo. Swipes. Then came what was called the SECOND COURSE, and it consisted of the following luxuries :— Fricasseed Owl. Dried Cat. Harricot Dog. Mammoth a la Maitre d' Hotel. Tiger Cutlets. Bugs a la Maintenon. A Whale smothered in Onions. The whole of this course being eagerly devoured, immense pre- parations were made for THE DESERT, which consisted of A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A jug of cold water. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A haporth of apples. A slight hiss was heard at the upper end of the hall on the ap- pearance of this decidedly shabby desert, but it was soon quelled by the appearance of a spirit- cruet, with an abundpnt supply of rum, gin, brandy, Hollands, and other vulgar drinkables. The Lord Mayor rose, and with a tremendous preliminary sniff, proposed the health of " The King." Air—" The dandy dog's- meat man." The next toast was " The Queen." Air—" If I had a donkey." These two toasts were drunk with tremendous enthusiasm, when a dirty little vagabond on the left of the Mayor proposed the Duke of Cumberland's health, when the professional singers in- stantly struck up " Barclay and Perkins's drayman.'' After this the whole company got muzzy, fussy, flowsy, and drowsy, upon which our reporter left, and an express told us that by ten o'clock they were all under the table. BREVITIES. True Felicity. That old humbug Scarlett, now called Lord Abinger, told poor Win- chester, the ex- king of the City, that no man can be called truly happy until he closes his eyes. If this be a fact, Scarlett, by his prosing speeches has contributed to the happiness of thousands, for he has succeeded in sending them to sleep. A Smack at the Snobs, A large legacy has been left by a philanthropist to a society of idiots. Such society, by that name at least, is not known, and it is expected that the legacy will be claimed by the dramatic author's society. Lights of the Age. A discussion has arisen on the subject of lighting Lambeth Parish. It rumoured that Lotd Londonderry will be hung up in it, he being suppos- ed to he light- headed. Time Lost. Some thie ves robbed Earl Spencer the other day of a clock. It was no bad hint to take away his time- piece, for when in the administration he was celebrated for his loss of time. THEATRICALS. Drury Lane has had better houses during the past week, owing to the attraction of Balfe's opera ; but it has nevertheless been thought neces- sary to call a meeting of the company, and to propose to them a reduction of the salaries, a measure which we understand was at once acceded to by every one but Mr. W. Farren, who is engaged with liis various female adherents, at a salary of 401. per week, and who positively refuses to renounce one farthing of it. The whole of the actors on his entering the green- room the other night, very properly gave him the cut direct by walking out of it, and we think it quite due to his uncompromising rapacity that they should have so treated him. We hope that the fortunes of Drury Lane may improve after this arrangement, and . we believe the arrangements for the production of novelty are of a kind to warrant the supposition that they will do so. The Jewess is to be produced with unbridled splendour in a few days, and in fact everything that spirit and ingenuity could devise, for the purpose of making the concern prosper- ous. It is earnestly to be hoped that it will be so for the sake of the profession, since at present, Drury Lane seems the only asylum for the respectable portion of the profession to rush into. We shall gladly hail every appearance of amelioration in the prospects of this establishment. Covent Garden has already began to decline, for it has been discovered that the^ prices so far from being reduced are positively extended, for the performances are precisely the same as at the Surrey and Victoria, and at just double the rate charged at those establishments. Jonathan Bradford had a very speedy quietus put upon it, and Robert Macaire was much better done ( as all pieces are,) when originally produced, and was played repeatedly at the Victoria at half the present prices of Covent Garden. Then again, Osbaldiston has been playing Rob Roy, of the badness of which we shall say nothing, but even had it been passable, he played the very same part at the Victoria, with the support of Collins and Miss Eliza Paton, ( a far better singer than Miss Turpin,) and though all this was to be seen at half the present Covent Garden prices, it did, we believe, no good to the Victoria, which shut up very soon afterwards. People of course, will never be such fools as to go and pay double the sum to see Covent Garden polluted by these proceedings, and the thing will die a natural death, like all the attempts that are made to take ill the commu- nity. Another Surrey piece is advertised, called the Mill of Beresina, which is, we hear, from the classical pen of Dibdin Pitt, commonly called the Whitechapel Massinger. This affair has been, it is said, acted over the water, at the Surrey, several times, and is now to be crammed down the throates of a West End audience. The bills issued from the theatre are worthy the management. They speak of Mr. Collins not appearing, owing to his absence from a severe domestic calamity. We suspect that the bill concocter means just opposite, and that so far from poor Collins being absent from calamity, he has had the misfortune to be just now present iu the midst of it. Mr. Mathews, junior, having experienced the most unaccountable, not to say dishonourable, hostility to his management of the Adelphi, at the hands of the party whose interest it is, and whose principle should have urged him to give his support to it, has been forced to agree to the letting 214 FIGARO IN LONDON. of the property. We cannot help thinking that the parties formerly con- nected with this establishment, have most eternally degraded, themselves by the desertion of it, merely to secure the selfish ends of one designing individual. 0. Smith and Buckstone are honourable exceptions, they having, in spite of the tempting offers from Drury Lane, ( where Mr. Yates is acting manager,) stuck to Mr. Mathews, whose conduct is said to have been throughout, that of an honourable minded and well meaning gentleman. It is true, he has not been able to cope with all the dirty chicanery and mean manceuvering, that has been brought into play against him ; but the parties who have had recourse to these paltry and degrading arts, have worked their own irremediable downfall. Many of them who were seduced into other engagements, have now nowhere to go, and are soliciting about in all directions ; but proprietors of other theatres will know better than to take into their employ those who have acted so shame- fully to their old masters. Bur enough of this subject. We find that the Messrs. Bond have become the lessees of the Adelphi, and that they will take to it a greater portion of the company from the Queen's. We have no doubt that it will be made to answer, and we wish success to it. A new piece, called the Chelsea Pensioner, has been successful at the Queen's Theatre. It is from the pen of Mr. Soane, but it is remarkable for nothing but the getting up, which is excellent, and for Mr. Mitchell's perforrnar. ee of the part of an idiot, which surpasses anything of the kind ever yet attempted. With this exception, and the acting of Williams, there is nothiug in the piece that will keep it before the public for a lengthened period. The Victoria is going on as usual; but there is one very great novelty at this house, in the shape of a piece, called How to take up a Biil, a sort of thing that must be a great deal wanted at this particular establishment. We trust the stage plan of doing this, will be found satisfactory to the various tradesmen of this establishment. We hear lof Mr. Jones being successful at this house, but we have had as yet, no opportunity of seeing him. The English Opera is keeping up a most famous succession of lunacy, in the shape of opening the house for sixpences, and allowing the very scum of the earth therein to congregate. It does not pay even at its pre- sent wretched scale of company, and its closing { is we believe expected every hour. As to its being an English Opera House, that is one of the best jokes we have had since the days of Joseph Miller. The Surrey is keeping it up at a fine rate, and sending eager coin from the doors of the establishment. Davidge is making a rapid fortune, and if he won't dabble in . pickled salmon, he stands a good chance of keeping it. We wish him every success, for he is a spirited manager. Mrs. Honey is enlivening the precincts of Whitechapel, by appearing at the Pavilion, and her performances appear to be very successful. She has, we believe, sixty pounds for twelve nights, which looks rather as if the concern was in a very flourishing condition. We don't know how its neighbour the Garrick is proceeding ; but we believe the Royal Standard is in a state that may be said to be quite rampant. Melodramas are coming into play as thick as thieves, and we hope that the business will bring pelf into the coffers of the treasury. TO CORRESPONDENTS. A Subscriber is informed that any piece intended for representation at any theatre under the jurisdiction of the Lord Chamberlain, does require a license. The theatres out of his jurisdiction, and opened under the authority of the magistrates, such as the Surrey, Victoria, Pavilion, & c. do not have pieces licensed, for this simple reason, that according to the strict letter of the law, music and dancing ought to be the extent of their entertainments. A D V E R T I S E M E N T S . Publishing in Weekly Numbers, One Penny each, each No. embellished witli a beautiful Engraving, TALES OF THE SEA ; or, Interesting Narratives of Shipwrecks, & c. & c. The Work will also be done up in Parts, in a neat Wrapper, price 4d.— Part 1. is Now Ready. ; FUN AND INFORMATION ! !! FIGARO'S COMIC ALMANACK, for 1836: Contains in addition to SEVENTEEN CUTS by SEYMOUR, all the useful Information contained in other Almanacks.— Price Twopence. XI Just Published, price Sixpence, Comprising Forty- eight Pages, neatly done up in a Wrapper, HE POLITICAL AND COMMERCIAL ALMANACK for 1836, with a large quantity of Miscellaneous Useful Information CONTENTS :— Chronological Notes, Eclipses, & c. CALENDAR, embracing Holidays, Festivals, Anniversaries, Terms, Quarter Sessions, Natural Phenomena, Aspects of the Moon and Planets, Sun's Rising and Setting, High Water, Daybreak and Twilight, Clock Time at Sun's Noon, Eclipses, Biographical and Political Notices, Aphorisms, & c. The English Finance System ex - plained. Revenues and Expenditure for the Year ending Jan. 5, 1835. Cost of collecting the Revenue. The National Debt, with remarks. Pro-" gressive Taxation of England. Cost of Royal Commissions. Cost of Royalty in England. Particulars of the Irish Church. Increase in the National Wealth. The Ministry. The House of Peers. Parliamentary Representation of England, Ireland, Wales, and Scotland. Proportion of tho Constituency to the Representatives. Cost of Registering the Electors. Members of the House of Commons, distinguishing the Reformers, Tories, Doubtfuls, and Apostates. Officers of the House of Commons. Unsuccessful Candidates who polled at the late General Election. The Kings of England from the Conquest. Stamp Duties. Assessed Taxes. Hackney Fares. Transfer Days at the Bank, South Sea, and East India Houses. Holidays at the Public Offices. Bankers in London. Law and other Public Offices, with the hours of attendance. Regulations at the General Post Office. Collections and deliveries of Twopennv- post letters. A table to ascertain any day in the week for any given time within the present century. Published by W. STRANGE, No. 21, Paternoster Row ; and Sold by Wakelin, late Cleave, 1, Shoe- lane, Fleet Street; No. 18, Commercial Place, City Road ; No. 126, Strand; Purkess, Compton Street, Soho; Lewis, Manchester; Cooper, Birming- ham ; Mrs. Mann, Leeds; Heywood, Manchester; 13, Strutton Ground, Westminster ; G. Cowie, 13, Newcastle Street, Strand; and all Booksellers. FRANKS'S SPECIFIC SOLUTIOiN of COPAIBA— This Medicine has been extensively used in many of the Metropolitan Hospitals, and n the practice of several distinguished members of the Me- dical Profession, as the most speedy and effectual remedy for the cure of all diseases— which are particularly described in the directions accompanying the Medicine of the Urinary Organs, It is perfectly innocent in its operation, and its effi- cacy is verified by testimonials from the following, amongst several other eminent members of the profession. Joseph Henry Green, Esq., F. R. S., one of the Council of the Royal College of Surgeons, Surgeon to St. Thomas'* Hospital, and Professor of Surgery in King's College, Lon- don ; Bransby Cooper, Esq., F. R. S.. Surgeon to Guy's Hospital, and Lecturer on Anatomy, & c. & c. William Hentsch, Esq., House Surgeon to the Free Hospi- tal, Greville- street, Hatton garden, Alexander Tweedie, Esq. Surgeon to the free hospital, Greville- street, Hatton garden. This invaluable Medicine is prepared onty by Geo. Franks Surgeon, Blackfriars- road, and may be had of his agents, Barclay and Sons, Farring- don- street, London— at the Medical Hall. 54, Lower Sackville- street, Dublin— of J. and R. Raimes, Leith walk, Edinburgh— and of all wholesale and retail Patent Medicine Veu- ders in the United Kingdom. Sold in bottles at 2s 9d., 4s. 6d„ and lis. each, duty included. Caution — To prevent imposition, the Hon. Commissioners of Stamps have directed the name of " Geo. Franks, Blackfriars- road," to be engraven on the Government Stamp. 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