FIGARO IN LOMDO^ Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen.— LADV MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political History. They supply information as to the person and habits often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CROKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. No. 203, SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1835. Prioe One Penny. PUNCH'S LAST FIGHT. Every body knows that Pnnch is constantly about the country, sometimes coming in the shape of one man, sometimes in the form of another ; but always occupying a very prominent point in the political part of the hemisphere. But as one Punch comes on he pushes another Punch off, and a rapid succession of these puppets is thus presented to the eyes of the community. We have had in our time several of these amusing creatures, all of whom have strutted and fretted their hour in turn upon the stage of politics. Liverpool played Punch, and so did Castlereagh, though the latter instead of leaving the devil to take him quietly, a3 is the case with nearly all the Punches, rushed rather precipitately into the domi- nions of old Nick, who could scarcely have had time to make hell VOL. IV. hot enough for the reception of so appropriate a visitor. George the Fourth played Punch for no inconsiderable time, and with such a Judy as the Marchioness of Conyngham the performance was amusing enough; but he too has shifted from the stage, like all his predecessors. Hunt, tbe blacking man, also played Punch for some time, and was particularly successful in the prison scene, while in other portions he showed himself to be every way equal to the character. Irving played Punch for a short season, and at- tempting it in an unknown tongue gave a temporary novelty to the performance, and his grand scene with the old tin tea- kettle was always extremely successful— there was a finish about his deli- neation of the character which made it entertaining, and in fact like many other performances,^ he finish was often considered to be the very best part of it. Morrison, the pill- man, has also played the part, and in the dog scene, used to succeed by means of the terrific barking ( anglice puffing,) which he introduced; but having lately lost his favourite houn'd, ( Moat, his partner, who died by tasting the physic of the firm,) the thing has not succeeded so well as it did heretofore. Lord Brougham is another eminent exhibitor in the great partof Punch, in which he particularly distinguished himself bv his active use of the club, generally put in the hands of this eccentric per- sonage. Brougham's Punch is perhaps one of the happiest modern personations we have had of the great original, and far eclipses the efforts of the Londonderrys, the Lyndhursts, and other minor stars who have from time to time attempted the arduous character. Old Eldon has once or twice played the part of Punch, but Judy has always been so much more appropriate to his peculiar talents, that he has generally taken the female part; where his talents for the old women have been conspicuous. However, the best of all the Punches is Wellington, the Hero of Waterloo, who has kept possession of the part for a long series of years, and to whom it lias invariably reverted when the former actor of it has been obliged to resign the character. In fact, Wellington may be considered the stock Punch of the country, both on account of his W. Strange, 21, Paternoster Row. 108 FIGARO IN LONDON. bullying, blustering, and butchering propensities. His success in every portion of the part has been altogether unrivalled, no one being able to come near him in the character. From the very first scene where he ill- uses his wife, to the very last scene, wherein the devil comes to take him, he presents a faithful portraiture, which there is no mistakingbythe audience- he is the thinghe acts, though only in this one instance can so much be said for him. Seymour has hit him off exactly, and in pourtraying Punch's last fight shows how mercilessly that clever devil, O'Connell, has ma- naged to belabour him. The conqueror, as he calls himself, of Bonaparte, has been conquered by the Irish champion, who, shillelah in hand, is going it against him with Irish and infernal activity. Comment would be superfluous, for in showing the defeat of Punch by the devil, Seymour has forcibly pourtrayed the castigation of Wellington bv P'Connell— who is driving him off the political stage, from which he slinks sheepishly away, the ostentatious use of his baton no longer availing him. INTERPRETER. Parish Ferocity. The other day a poor woman who had been discharged from Hoxton Mad- house, on account of alleged sanity, was brought to a police office charged with expecting a maintenance. The idea of her hoping for such a thing from the tyrannical overseers of a London parish, was so pre- posterous, that we think there was no ground whatever for supposing she was in her right senses. The poor creature was of course refused by various respective parishes, and turned even out of the mad- house, as if it were a principle in this country that people who don't happen to be mad require no sustenance. At all events, those who are not mad, never expect it at the hands of charity. The Royal Pedagogue. A manuscript is being advertised in the public papers for sale, being a table entirely in the hand writing of Louis Philippe, showing the genea- logy of James the First, King of England. The date is January the 1st, 1805, and was prepared when Louis Philippe, now King of the French, was enlightening the minds of the English at half- a- crown per lesson. He has since got a whole crown, which he deserves but little, and in fact, he never was a more useful member of society than when he was living in a little shed with a board outside, having the elegant inscription of " reading, riting, and rithmetic." It seems he has given his attention to the de- scent of Kings, which may be all for the best, as his own descent is not far distant. British Humbug. The British Association has devoted 501. from its funds for an inquiry respecting the sounds of the heart.— Morning Herald. This arrangement appeares to us to be thorough humbug, as we think there is a wild gooseishness about the errand on which the British Association has put a premium. The idea of looking out tot soundness of heart in these days, seems to be worthy of an j4ss- ociation we will confess, for sound hearts are very rare commodities. We would not advise the searcher to look among politicians, and let him above all things avoid patriots. Confirmed Rascals. " On Wednesday afternoon, the Bishop of London confirmed 700 per- sons at the new chapel of ease at Brentford which he had consecrated on that morning. Among those confirmed were several elderly persons, and one old man of eighty years of age.-— Morning Herald. The above seems to be a grand example of the principle of better late than never, for it appears that an extensive flock of elderly lost sheep have been added to the Christian brotherhood. The old boy of eighty who was confirmed, must have been no joke in the way of responsibility to his god- fathers and god- mothers, and his rendering to his righteous bail above, must have been a very happy release to them. Whether he has got them in for a heavy responsibility we cannot of course pretend to say; but we trust that a holy cognovit of one instalment of righteousness per day, will rub off the score he has been running up for the last eighty years. We really think god- fathers ought to be more on the look out to get their god- children to render to bail, and we think the church would. do well to commission a set of Christian sheriff's officers to take them into religious custody. A Good Move, Workmen are employed in removing the balustrades from the front of the Mansion House, by which the improvements in the City would have been obstructed.— Daily Paper. If anything about the Mansion House obstructs the progress of improve- ment it is the Lord Mayor himself, for that civic block of civic stone, is a greater obstacle to enlightenment than all the balustrades in Christen- dom. We should say away with him by all means, as it is useless removing inanimate blocks, when animated blocks having the power of action are so much the more mischievous.—" Down with Winchester!" should be the order of the day, if City Improvement be the object wished for. Houses in Hot Water. An advertisement is going the round of the newspapers inviting the public to have their houses heated by warm water. This plan it is declared is the most comfortable thing possible, though we cannot help saying that a house being kept continually in hot water, must be in our eyes very far from agreeable. The thing is we believe in these days extremely common, and we know that the two great houses of Lords and Commons, were in perpetual hot water during the whole of the last session. The adver- tisement says this hot water system preserves a steady temperature, though we cannot say that the temperature in the instance alluded to, was at all remarkable for steadiness. August Arrangements. " We learn that the Duke of Saxe- Coburg has accepted for his son, the proposal for a marriage with the Queen of Portugal. The young prince will go to Lisbon in April; during the winter he will study the Portuguese language. He already spsaks the Latin, French, English, Italian, and Hungarian languages, with fluency and elegance.— Swabian Mercury. Every body remembers that a very few months ago, her most Holy and petite majesty, the Queen of Portugal, was in this country, where she was idolised by a discriminating English public as the little queen, a pattern of course, of every kind of virtue, both infantine and imperial. When every body was puffing and petting this paragon of princesses, it was little expected that the dear juvenile little piece of royalty, would not only have buried one husband, but would have been upon the eager and active look out for a second ever since the unfortunate demise of her first, thus proving her grief at the loss of one husband, by her utter inability to do without another. The first everybody knows was quite a love match, and the whole press in the most loyal and orthodox manner pronounced the royal widow inconsolable. How inconsolable she has been, the result of course proves, and her rushing pel mel into the arms of another man, proves a kind of philanthropy which is exceedingly honourable to the young queen's character. How completely a matter of affection her second marriage must be is proved by the fact stated in the paragraph which heads this article, namely, that the husband elect is going to learn the Portuguese language during the ensuing winter. How many delicious protestations of affection must have passed between two persons who can't understand a single word of what one another says, must of course be inferred. We think probably the royal couple might agree better, if he did not learn the Portuguese language . , LICENSING DAY. Thursday was the day appointed for the granting of licenses The applications, it was expected, would be rather of an extraor- dinary kind ; and we select a few of those which it was expected would create the greatest astonishment. It was not supposed however that any of them would be successful during this year, at any rate:— Lord Londonderry for the Bull and Mouth. Lord Ellenborough for the Elephant and Castle. Lord Brougham for the Cross Keys. The Dukes of Wellington, Cumberland and Newcastle for the Three Jolly Butchers. Lord Lyndhurst for the Golden Fleece. Mrs. Maberley for the Hero of Waterloo. FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 Queen Adelaide for the Belle Sauvage. Sir Jacob Astlev for the Bell and Horns. Mr. Owen for the Adam and Eve. Miss Martineau for the World's End. Mr. Crolv for the Milie. The Duke of Wellington for the Old Slaughters. Count Lennox for the Old Hummums. Fieschi for the King's Head. THE QUEEN AT OXFORD. Her most gracious Majesty has been visiting the University of Oxford, where she has completely flustified the taverns of that city bv the acuteness of her remarks on things in general. She exa- mined the students on various points ; and kept up a spirited con- versation with one of the door keepers in Dog Latin, a language in which she is particularly eloquent. A Greek address was pre- sented to her by the professors, which she answered in the following classical harangue,— being an oration in a tongue which seems to unite all the flowing flexibility of high Dutch with the delicate difficulty of high gibberish. The following is a verbatim copy of the valuable document:— " High cockolorum gig, gig, gig— Most illustribus and learnedi- bus, consedibus, foolibus— Rigdum funidos— Hie, hec, hoc— go it my pippins— Omnibus, cabibus, stage- coachibus— Venerabilibus institutionibus— Toribus, Whiggibus, Conservalibus, Radicalibus— Damnedalibus— Half- and- halfibus— Votibus— Reformbilibus. ( Signed) Adelaide Saxe Meiningen." The following are a few points of this singular set out. Among other things, the enthusiasm of the town vented itself in a general illumination, and the mottos were of a kind to shed the most in- tense reputation upon the city of Oxford, Among others, an over- loval butcher, determined not to be outdone in the classicality of his flare- up, actually Latinised the name of the Queen as Jldelaide Rex, having, as he said, continually seen the word Rex upon shil- lings and sixpences. Her Majesty held a long conversation with a charity- boy, and, in other ways, proved herself an able friend of the cause of en- lightenment. A MANSION HOUSE MELODY. > Every body knows that Hobler basks in the sunshine of civic favour, and that if the King of the City were to frown, his toadeater would look like a penny piece obscured by a coal- scuttle. It is in the favour of Winchester, ( or his successor,) that Hobler lives, and the cockney premier so far from being ashamed to own the debasing fact, has himself made it the subject of a melancholy melody. This melody he is sometimes heard pensively singing bv rushlight, when all is silent but the torn cats without, and conscience within— in fact, wheu Hobler sits half mussy in his garret moralis- ing over a half empty swipes jug. HOBLER'S SONG. AIR.— Though lowly my lot. Though lowly my lot And none my estate, 1 see without envy The wealthy and great. Contented and proud A toad- eater to be— While the King of the City Smiles sweetly on me. My way to the office I cheerfully take, At morn when policemen Their prisoners wake. At eve I go home, And enjoy cups of tea, For the King of the City Has smiled sweetly on me. The beadle in lace. Passes scornfully by— But cock'd hats cannot make him So happy as I. And prouder than ever The proudest I'll be— While the King of the City Smiles kindly on me. BREVITIES. A Sea of Troubles. In consequence of the decline of popery, it is said that it will soon be but a poor look out for the Holy See. Anticipated Insults. A piece is said to be in preparation, called the Man's an Ass. Actions for libel are already contemplated by several public characters. A Hit at Hob. The Queen in going to Oxford and not to Cambridge, is said to have acted with marked indifference to Hobhouse, she being determined not to patronize Cam. B. A. The Queen has by going to Oxford, shewn herself entitled to the degree of Mistress of Arts, though the King, less ambitious, says his only wish is to be a Batchelor. Cause and Effect. The cause ofDon Carlos is losing ground, and so from the scarcity of money we should think his effects. The Church Militant. Don Carlos has sent a Bishop over to this country to recruit for him. His Holiness's head quarters are at the Mitre, where he tries to get hold of recruits either by hook or by crook. THEATRICALS. Covent Garden opened on Monday night, and the people vary foolishly, in our opinion, flocked to the Theatre to see a worse performance than the Surrey could have afforded them, and paid double the price for it, merely because the scale of admission had been reduced below that formerly maintained at the establishment. We may as well say a word or two of our opinions, as expressed towards this theatre, and we think we need hardly say that, in speaking of it, we are biassed by no personal feeling against any party,— this publication having for some time past evinced a freedom from those individual attacks, with making which it might have been charged during the first two or three years of its existence. The present conductors have made it their aim to keep wholly free from any such accusation, and therefore it is men only, as they are connected with their public acts, that are now the subject of criticism in FIGARO. We make these observations in consequence of Mr, Osbaldiston having stated, in answer to an application from the office, that he declined sending the usual admissions, lest he should be suspected of a wish to concilate FIGARO. Mr. Osbaldiston is wrong if he thinks there be any need of con- ciliating those who know nothing of him beyond public report,— who po- sitively never even saw him act, and who are only opposed to his manage- ment of Covent Garden on the ground of his having degraded it by the in troduction of a very indifferent Surrey company. The lowering of the 214 FIGARO IN LONDON. prices we can find no fault with him for; it is the act of the proprietors, and on them must ultimately fall the consequence. He must see there is no reason to conciliate those who neither know or care about him beyond his position as Lessee of Covent Garden ; and he ought also to know, that if conciliation were necessary, it would not be the consideration of admis- sions that could win over the unbought and uncompromising FIGARO. However, enough of this subject. Covent Garden opened on Monday, with, we must repeat, a most wretched company ; but, perhaps, as good a one as, under all circumstances, could have been collected. This fact, however, cannot palliate its wretchedness, and there was nothing but Kem- ble's ' Hamlet' with Miss Taylor's ' Ophelia' to give respectability to the opening. ' God save the King' was a wretched display of musical ineffi- ciency— in fact, they have not a singer on the establishment worth listen- ing to. It was a treasonable failure, and if the King is to be saved, it cer- tainly will not be by means of the singing of the Covent Garden company. We pass over the first night's performance, for there was no harm in doing ' The Miller and his Men' with a deteriorated caste, but the idea of bring- ing out pieces that have been hackneyed over the water, is too bad for any thing. The ' Auberge des Adrets' is a good piece enough, but it is being even at this time, better done at the Surrey, than at Covent Garden. It has been done at the Adelphi, it has been done at the Victoria, it has been done at the City, it has been done, in fact, at every little theatrical hole in town, and is now being done at Covent Garden. This we protest is— bad management. Then again, doing ' Macbeth' wiih such a horrid show of indifferent names against the powerful and triumphant display of Drury Lane, is— bad management: then again, bringing out ' Paul Clifford,' which was all but damned at the Victoria in the time of Davidge, who had better performers in it than Covent Garden can boast, this is — bad management. In fact, altogether the thing appears to be ill done ; though if Mr. Osbal- diston had acted on liberal principles, paid good salaries, made spirited exertions, and conducted the thing with at least an outward appearance of views more enlightened than those which at present seem to characterise the concern. If, we say, he had done all this, he might have calculated upon our support and encouragement. Drury Lane continues a career of unexampled prosperity : and, in spite of the opening of Covent Garden, maintains its proud ascendancy. A piece entitled ' The Travelling Carriage,' is forthcoming. From what we hear, it is a literal translation of a French piece, called ' La Berline de'l Emigre.' It is a pity that Plancbe has not the genius to be original. " We look forward with the most intense anxiety to Balfe'snew opera of ' The Siege of Rochelle, and trust that it will^ in every way, fulfil the object of the management. We hope it will have the effect of upsetting the Bishops ( no oft'ence to the Church), the Tom Cookes, the Rodwells, the A. Lees, and id genus omne, whose wishy washy attempts have been the means of so greatly degrading the character of England for national talent in compo- sition. At the Adelphi, Mr. Webster has appeared, but we see no further im- portance in the fact, than the notion that the management by going to the trouble of announcing him, seems to think he may be of utility. We can only say, that we hope he will; but, in this instance, hope and expectation do not go together. He appeared in an affair called the ' Yellow Kids,' which is nothing more than a very literal translation of a French piece, called ' Les Gauts Jaunes.' We do not know who is Ihe author on this oc- casion, but we do not think he has done his work particularly well. The English Opera has re- opened, with some sad rubbish, called ' The Muleteer's Vow.' It was, we believe, both hissed and applauded, though the applause seemed to predominate. Altogether we don't think the open- ing set out at all auspicious. It must be carried on with more spirit, if cash is the proposed object. If ducks and drakes be the only aim in view, the end may be answered. Among the minors that have opened, very rapid work has been made, and the New Queen's, in Windmill- street, has been carried on with such vigour, that it has not only cpened, but finished its season and closed again, all in less than a fortnight. This is something like business, and we knew that business would characterise the proceedings of this cousern, where blood and smindting is the watchword. In fact, there is nothing goes on at this establishment but bringing villains to retribution, and vic- timising creditors. Duns and ghosts are tied from with equal precipitancy, and in fact, all is enthusiasm and insolvency. The Standard Theatre seems to have been shut up before it was opened, and altogether the batch of theatres we noticed last week, appears to behave been got rid off with a suinmariness that is at once laudable and astonishing, We dare say they will re- open again, with a new company, new manage- ment, and new pieces, in a few days, and we must again refer for the finale to the Insolvent Court. A D V E R T I S E M E N T S . GAIETIES AT'D GRAVITIES. THE Lovers of Fun or Finance, of Politics or Pleasantries, should at once order THE POLITICAL ALMANACK, which, in addition to the most accuratelv compiled scientific matters, and a large quantity of Statistical and Political Information, contains THIRTEEN ENGRAVINGS, exe- cuted in the first style of the art, from Drawings made by ROBERT SEY- MOUR'S inimitable pencil, and Poetical Illustrations from popular pens.— Seventy- two Pages, printed on superb paper, and " got up" in fine style, for One Shilling and Sixpence ! 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