FIGARO IM LONDON. i Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen.— LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political History. They supply information as to the person and liabits often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CHOKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. No. 200. SATURDAY, OCTOBER 3, 1835. Price One Penny FIESCHI THE SECOND. WHILE France has been agitated by the infernal machine of the infernal Fieschi, England has been feeling the effects of some other infernal machinery, which it has been the fortunate fate of FIGARO to ferret out, and of Seymour to illustrate. That the infernal ma- chinery of the Tories has long been employed to ruin England, is a fact none will dispute, and we shall now, with police- like per- spicuity, present to our readers a concise account of the late Tory eonspiracy, and, by way of illustration, display the leading inci- dents in SIX TABLEAUX BY SEYMOUR ! The first of these interesting pictures represents Lyndhurst, with two Accomplices, preparing the Infernal Machine. VOL. IV. It seems that Lyndhnrst, son of a painter, and inheriting his father's talent of designing, and of altering a coat of colours, or the colour of his coat at will, had got connected with two badly- disposed persons— one an old soldier, and another a bad character belonging to Cumberland. The old soldier, though he enjoys a good pension, is of that discontented spirit that he would never be satisfied till he got all the most insatiable avarice could wish for, and the Cumberland man, who was always ready for any thing, soon became accomplices, and Fieschi Lyndhurst devised the means of concocting a machine to be used against the Government. He first procured a large quantity of inflammable matter from " The Times,"— a species of combustible which, though attended with a vast deal of smoke, has the peculiar property of acting two ways at once, and of using what little power it possesses at the same The Ministerial Cavalcade. W. Strange, 21, Paternoster Row. 1 6 4 FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 time in two contrary directions. It got a little spirit from the " Standard" and " John Bull," which, though of a virulent kind, is still strong enough to do mischief, and adding an immense quan- tity of common milk and very soft water from the " Herald" and " Post," by way of adding fury to the fire, as a furnace sometimes gains strength from moisture, and thus completed a machine of truly infernal materials. The machine being prepared, we are brought to the second tableau, representing A Ministerial Cavalcade.- ( See the preceding page.) It seemed that the various members of the Government were about to ride in procession to Parliament on their respective hob- bies— Melbourne as premier, with an Irish shillelah in his hand, Duncannon also on his hobby, Russell on his hobby of Corporation Reform, and Spring Rice bringing up the rear with the budget— a hobby, by the bye, which he rides rather awkwardly. As this procession past, Fieschi Lyndhurst, the old soldier, and the Cum- berland vagabond, were seated together in a dirty little hole and corner, which the trio are known to frequent, and which brings us to our third tableau, representing The Explosion of the Machine! Having seized as they thought a favourable opportunity, Fieschi Lyndhurst set the fatal light to the infernal machine, when it im- mediately exploded, and, going off with precipitate violence, it instantly discharged itself into his unhappy bowels, and to see through him will no longer be a matter of the smallest difficulty. The Cumberland chap, with characteristic cowardice, instantly took to his heels ; while the old soldier, who was looking on, got, as Hood says, his hyes blasted with the inflammable combustibles. We are now brought to our fourth tableau, whichjepresents faithfully The Effects of the Explosion. ( See the next column) It seems that they, the Ministers, were strutting in triumph upon their hobbies, as before described, when the machine exploding- among them, knocked the Irish Church Bill, with which Melbourne was laden, out of his hand, and sadly mutilated the Municipal Reform Bill, which Lord John Russell was carrying. The infernal Tory machine first blew the Bill up, and then frightfully distorted it. Poor Brougham, who was strutting along on his hobby of popular education, was completely floored and laid prostrate. Immediately all eyes were turned to the spot whence the explosion proceeded, and it was soon discovered, by the smoke which rolled out volumi- nously from the dirty little hole in which the criminals had con- cealed themselves. Two active policemen— the one a Scotchman and the other an Irishman— called Hume and O'Connell, were in- stantly on the alert, and, turning round, immediately clutched Fieschi Lyndhurst, with an exclamation of— We've got you at last.'' " Hollo, my fine fellow, it isn't every one likes such a blow out of the stomach as you've got.'' This point brings us to our fifth tableau, representing The Capture of the Prisoner. (' See next pageJ The criminal having been taken was executed according to his just deserts, and this interesting incident brings us to our sixth and last tableau respecting The Dissection of Fieschi Lyndhurst. ( See next page) On a posthumous examination, the body was found to be in that corrupt state which was to have been expected from the previous bad habits of the deceased. The stomach appeared to have been overladen with good things, but in the region of the heart nothing was found but an old lapstone, generally used by coblers in sharp- ening their instruments ; and this accounts for the biting rapacity with which he seems to have been all his life afflicted. We flatter ourselves that the above Caricatures with their ac- companying descriptive matter, will let the public into the secret of a good deal of INFERNAL MACHINERY. INTERPRETER. The Transported Peer. We perceive a long account going the round of the newspapers, narra- ting the transportation of a peer for forgery. Now, in our humble opinion, nothing can be more correct than this arrangement, and so far from seeing why a peer ought not to be transported, we hold it as our decided opinion, that it would be as well to adopt the practice in this country as a general principle. Bread versus Flesh. The other day a man was convicted of murdering his wife by throwing a quartern loaf at her. This is rather a rare occurrence, for it is seldom that a person dies from too much bread, the greater number of de- ths be- ing occasioned by a want of that sometimes crusty, often crumby, but al- ways salubrious article. We fear the loaf that killed the woman must have been rather a crusty concern. We know that the bakers call stale loaves dead men, but we do not often hear of loaves making dead women • FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 The Capture of the Prisoner. A Mayor's Nest. There is some row in the city about the danger of having a Tory next year for a Lord Mayor. Now we think all this row needless in the ex- treme, for we think Lord Mayors are such contemptible animate that it matters little whether he be Tory, Whig, Destructive, or Conservative; so as he be an animal that can open his mouth wide enough to eat turtle and talk d— d nonsense, he is sure to be well fitted for the office. High Treason. One of the papers says " His Majesty will hold a drawing room at the palace." Now we all know his Majesty fGod bless him) is 110 sylph in figure, but his holding a drawing room is too much of a good joke. Win- chester wants to know if the King will hold a drawing room at the palace where the rooms are very large, what drawing room in the kingdom could possibly hold his Majesty ? FOREIGN CORRESPONDENCE. ( From our very own Correspondent.) « Bilboa. " DEAR FIGARO, " Here we are, as clown says in the pantomime, with nothing to do but to be shot at, so that we are having a nice easy time of it. We don't go out to any parties, but the enemy occasionally gives a ball ( a cannon one J at which we all dance very prettily. Between you and me,' Mr. Figaro, I don't like it, 110 more does Brown, no more does White, no more does Jones, no more does Smith, no more does nare a one on us. We were all told when we went out that we were an attached core, but if none of us likes it how can air a one on us be said to be attached to it? Evans says we are all very brave fellows, and so I suppose we are, though for my part I feel a great deal braver at home when there's no danger, than I do out here, where one stands a chance of being knocked into the world after next, without a moment's notice, by a Carlist rifle. It is said that we are very cordial with the Spanish soldiers, and so we are as cordial as we can be with persons whom we never speak to, because we don't know how, and who never speak to us, because if they did we couldn't under- stand them. " The London Merchant has arrived with Evans's brother, and some officers, and some surgeons, whom we very much want, for we've all got colds in our heads; and Nokes, of the 15th division of the Putney light infantry, has got such a stomach- ache as will give full employ to the me- dical department. The Camden Town dragoons are in fine order, and when their boots are well cleaned you might take them for Polish Lancers. " If any action should arise, and I'm not killed, I shall be sure to write to you. A Carlist has just pelted me with a handful of mud, and I've returned the insult by aiming at him with an oyster- shell, so that you see, The Dissection of Fieschi Lyndhurst. sir, I won't allow the British nation to be insulted with impunity. If he wasn't bigger than me, I'd run after him and wallop him, but I think he'd be too much for me. I only wish my big brother had seen him do it, that's all. Another Carlist has just knocked my military cap down over my eyes, and buried my head in it as low as my neck: this prevents me writing further. " Your's, in trepidation, " TIMOTHY GULLY." WINCHESTERIANA. No. 5. " Upon my soul," shrieked Winchester," evety body is mad." Hobler acknowledged the truth of it, as far as present company is concerned. " Egad," continued the King of the City, " they are complaining of sol- diers wearing their arms at their sides. Upon my soul I don't see where else the poor devils conld wear their arms, but at their sides. I suppose soon they'll want them to wear their noses behind." Hobler threw up his muffin cap into the air, and uttered a wild Indian war- whoop. " By the bye, talking of rear hoops," said Winchester, " it seems the Indians fight with hoops, instead of horses, as we used at school." Hobler swallowed a leaf out of the spelling book. " I'm told," cried Winchester, with a terrific wink of his left eye, and an alarming tweak of his proboscis, " I'm told, damme, they've been a- baiting a bull, and that it has increased the animal's rage. Now, by the socks of my grandfather, I can't, for the life of me, see how they can increase it by aba( i) ting it." Hobler hid his humble head in the slop- basin. " Why am I like an expiring rush- ligh V cried the city king. " Don't know," yelped Hobler, " unless it is because you're up to snuff." The cockney king having levelled the premier with an adjacent footstool, merely exclaimed, '• No, you fool, its because I'm just going out." Hobler, whe was lying senseless, gave a galvanic twitch. BREVITIES. Liberal Limits. By a new law in France regulating the kind of pieces to be played at the various theatres, any thing with horses in it can be played without re- striction. Had the condition been that asses should be introduced, and not horses, we should say that with a few English actors they could play any thing. Trial of the Church. The friends of the Church say, that the present is a a trying time for the clergy. In our opinion it seems likely to turn out a convicting time for them also. 146 FIGARO IN LONDON. A Superfluity. The Timts, in its Answers to Correspondents on Monday, says, " The letter of HONESTUS is good, but will not suit us." Having said^ it was good, the addition of " it will not suit vs," may, when we consider the character of the Times newspaper, b » regarded as useless and superfluous. The Cabbaging King. Leopold ii said to be coming over to England. We believe the pur- port of his visit is to see to the disposal of some of his winter cabbages. Nothing out of Something. The John Bull declares O'Connell's influence can produce nothing. It dadv produces a great deal of nothing, in the shape of newspaper attacks upon this illustrious individual. THEATRICALS. This has been, in some degree, a busy week among the Theatres, and 011 Monday night the Adelphi, Olympic, and Victoria, were opened for the season. The Adelphi betrays a very impoverished company, and is, in our opinion, likely to be this year a losing speculation. A new piece, called ' Mandrill,' was brought forward from the pen of Mr. C. Mathews, who appears in the treble capacity of author, proprietor, and acting manager. We regret that his first essay seems rather unsuccessful; but the failure ( if it be one) arises from the fact of his company being good for nothing— that is to say, too bad for any thing. For example, there is Mr. Palmer as leading tragedian, whose long experience on the classic boards of Astley's has not exactly suited him for his present position. At Astley's nothing is expected but steam- engine lungs, limbs of ada- mant, and toes proof against the hoofs of horses. In fact, a gentleman who can allow his head to be a sort of mark for beams to tumble in upon, and who does not object to ' let his mouth be made the reservoir of the cqmmon sewer- like filth of a Milner or Somerset, is exactly the thing to take an Astley's engagement. To return, however, to the Adelphi— we are sorry to say, the first night's entertainment turned out to be somewhat of a failure. We trust that, as the season advances, Mr. Mathews will see the expediency of getting together a company of more respectability and talent than his present one. We cannot say that his bills give ns much reason to hope, for, on referring to the bottom of them, we find the names of Mr. Webster and Miss Daly. Now, however well these persons may be adapted to the situations they have hitherto filled, they make but sorry figures as stars in the place of Reeve and Mrs. Honey. The Olympic opened with two new pieces, which were both of them successful", owing to the excellence of the acting. The house was crammed, a proof that talent is always attractive. Drury Lane is advertised to open on Thursday, but it is rumoured that the lesseeship is not yet settled. We see Bartley is engaged, notwith- standing his quarrel with L5unn, a proof that Bartley would lick the slime off the boots of a nightman if any thing were to be got by it. He, how- ever, is no longer able to strut about as stage- manager, Cooper having been put in that capacity over him. This is quite as it should be, and we trust Cooper will keep him in good order, and fine him twopence every time he ventures to fag, and fourpence every time he is late at rehearsals. Bunn, who is a clever fellow ( in spite of his new claret coat) has engaged Bartley, to keep him away from Covent Garden. Now we had thought Bunn too clever for this: he should have let Bartley go to the other house, if he wished to injure it. As to Covent Garden, its doom is sealed, and so is its care to Mr. Os- baldiston. We warn the proprietors not to allow the lowering of the prices: it will ruin the establishment if they do. As to the company, it is quite impossible that even a respectable one can be formed, when we consider who is the manager. We understand Mr. H. Wallack is to be there, so that we may expect a Surrey company, which, however it may suit St. George's- in- the- Fields, cannot be received in the more enlightened regions of Bow- street. We believe the Strand Theatre is to be licensed. We would advise the magistrates to take care the parties having it are respectable. We have received a letter from Mr. Otway, the gentleman who fainted at the sight of his father's ghost, and who has expressed himself truly grateful for our enlightened tone of criticism in charitably encouraging him to another effort. Though we indulged in a joke or two at the ex- pense of his timidity, he had the judgment to see that our notice was wholly free^ from that stupid, heavy, and affectedly impartial style of crushing with faint praise all the hopes " of a candidate for public favour. The beastly old Herald has a great knack of this, and grandmother, old as she is, ought to be well whipped for it. ADVERTISEMENTS. MUNICIPAL CORPORATION REFORM! Now publishing, price Sixpence, AN ABSTRACT of the CORPORATION REFORM BILL, with Notes and an Introduction. By W. CARPENTER, ( late of the True Sun.) %* This edition has the Order in Council of the 11th of September, with a valuable Index, and is the only 44 Abstract" that has been carefully re- written. Ask for Carpenter's Edition. 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