FIGARO IN LONDON Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen.— LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political History. They supply information as to the person anti habits often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CROKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. No. 192. SATURDAY, AUGUST 8, 1835. Price One Penny. THE OLD WEATHER- ALL BOMB. The Corpoiation Reform Bill has passed through the House of Commons, and the natural consequence is that , the Tory Lords are in despair. They have seen corruption flourish so long that they wish it to remain in perpetuity, and every act of theirs is evidently intended to effect that object. The Earl of Winchelsea, with a laudable regard for plain dealing, declared a few days ago that he would cheerfully surrender his vast revenues could he but see matters brought back to their former standard of excellence.— That is, in plain terms, his lordship would become a voluntary sacrifice for the support of those abuses in the government which the people have so long smarted under. Nay, this lover of things as thev were, would become a beggar so that he could see his fellow VOL. IV. peers once more firmly seated with their feet upon the necks of a prostrate nation. In the House of Lords we fear the Bill is doomed to meet with an untimely fate. Delay seems to be the great object in view, and an amendment which the Consersatives carried a few nights sinee, will afford them that delay to their heart's content. Witnesses from each borough are to be called to give evidence in favour of the old system of corporation abuses, and the time occupied in the examination it is calculated will exceed two years! Truly, this is a cheering prospect now that the commons have seen the expe diency of passing the measure! The Lords, however, may yet see the absolute folly of such a proceeding— they cannot wish to be at issue with the House of Commons, nor can they desire to estrange themselves from the affection of the people. Seymour, in one of his happiest moods, has seized upon this im- portant subject, for the customary illustration to FIGARO. He ha* represented Wellington, Winchelsea, and Lyndhurst, as leaders of the opposition, bringing their great Tory bomb— well known as the Old Weather- all— to pour a tremendous volley upon the minis- ters and the measure they have introduced. But the effect produced by the explosion— though it was expected to be very great— is, in reality, nothing. Lord Melbourne reclines securely, and quite at his ease, in spite of the powder that has been wasted to dislodge him. Poor Wellington sits in thoughtful amazement— Lyndhurst cannot believe his eyes, and Winchelsea stares around him in utter astonishment. The fact is, the Old Weather- all Bomb is nearly worn out, and will no longer carry its charge with anything like a certain aim.— The bore is considered too great, and though the mettle ( we beg pardon, metal) was once tolerable good, it is now worn thin with frequent explosions, so that though it still carries powder enough to make a great noise, it can no longer do that mischief which it was wont to do in former times. Lord Melbourne seems quite aware of this, and though the aim is taken directly at himself, he appears to be quite indifferent amidst the bellowing of the once mighty bomb. Printed by G^ Cowie, 13, Newcastle- street, Strand. 132 FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 But it is feared that he cannot remain in this state of security for any length of time. The Tories, finding their artillery fail, will next storm him, sword in hand, in his strong hold. Their numbers must in the end overpower him : he will be driven from the post he in vain endeavours to defend, and must ultimately sur- render the Treasury fortress into the hands of his headstrong conquerors. INTERPRETER. 1 The Church Militant* Marlborough Street.—" On Saturday the Rev. James Wood and Dr. George Wood, of Half- moon Street, Picadilly, were brought up before Mr. Dyer, on a peace warrant obtained by Mr. Thomas Nelson Waterfield, who made oath that he believed it was the intention of the Rev. defendants to send his brother, Mr. Thomas Waterfield, a challenge to fight a duel, and thereby to cause him to commit a breach of the peace; & c."— Times. Why what an age of chivalry is this! Let slip but an intempe- rate expression, or perhaps a harmless joke, at the expense of some paltry knave, and presto ! comes a challenge to settb the affair with swords or pistols! A few weeks ago we were amused at that concentration of insipidity and dullness, D'lsraeli, Jun. asserting his manhood by sending a hostile message to Maurice O'Connell, but which said hostile message was— to our entire satisfaction— treated with the utter contempt it merited. Then came the noise and bluster between the gentlemen of the Press and Mr. Roebuck, which, after a few hours, evaporated into thin air, and all the parties expressed themselves perfectly well satisfied with each other. Yet these things, ridiculous as they may appear, sink into utter insignificance when compared with the case now under notice:— Mr. Charles Waterfield in some way or other, offends a brace of parsons, who, forgetting their sacred and peaceful characters, bully and abuse him in such round terms, that another party thinks it prudent to apply to a magistrate to prevent a duel taking place. This, to any thinking man must appear the most reasonable course to be adopted; but, from some unaccountable cause, Mr. Dyer refuses to interfere in the matter further than by advising a recon- ciliation between the belligerent parties. This may certainly show some good nature on the part of the magistrate, but in our opinion the reverend duelists ought to have been bound in heavy sureties to keep the peace with all his majesty's subjects, But no— they are allowed to march out of the office triumphantly with a sort of tacit acknowledgement that they may insult and challenge whom- soever they please with impunity. And now a word of advice to Mr. Waterfield— let him imme- diately state his complaints against these warlike parsons to the Bishop of London, who must, in that event, take active measures to teach these Reverends that their vocation is not to slaughter men whom they are ordained to lead into the path of righteousness and peace. Wit in Chancery. VICE CHANCELLOR'S COURT.— Rogers v. Brown.— Mr. Knight moved to dissolve an injunction granted to restrain the defendant from continuing to use certain peculiar marks, together with the name of the plaintiffs, upon the defendants' razors. The learned counsel, after stating that the injunc- tion had been improperly granted, said it was nothing, that the plaintiffs were razor- makers to their majesties.— Vice- chancellor— Did you say their majesties, Mr. Knight? 1 can un- derstand that his majesty should require the use of the razor, but surely— Mr. Knight ( amid much laughter) said the plaintiffs called themselves cutters to their majesties, but another in the same town ( Sheffield) claimed a similar honour.— Herald. How keen and severe is the wit of these legal functionaries— how mortifying that they should make the Vice- Chancellor's Court a sort of acting edition of Figaro! Yet that we have rivals— and such rivals too — we are bound, albeit somewhat unwillingly, to admit. Occasionally will be found in our pages a few harmless jokes at the expense of majesty, but never have we penned one so cutting as this razor cause has given birth to. That his Majesty has a beard the Vice- Chancellor allows, for he knows that he has been too often bearded in his own palace; and report does say that he has been not unfreqnently soaped by those who flatter but to deceive. Yet why should Shadwell seek to raise a laugh at our good and ever- gentle queen ?— why excite the risible muscles of the gentlemen of the bar by even hinting that the royal Adelaide is so so masculine as to sport a beard ? He observes, interrupting the counsel, " I can understand that his Majesty shouid require the use of the razor, but surely " now that very surely— breaking off abruptly as it does — implies a doubt at which we shudder! Throwing ourselves forward, therefore, in defence of that much- calumniated lady, we venture fear- lessly to assert that the whole affair is nothing more than a " weak in- vention of the enemy ;"— her Majesty has no more occasion for a razor than has the great Duchess of St. Albans herself; and we do, therefore, earnestly entreat that the Messrs. Rogers will no longer insult the country by describing themselves as " Razor- makers to their Majesties." Had Sir Edward Sugden given birth to the joke we could have pardoned him ; it would have been professional, though, even under those circum- stances, extremely barbarous. CITV PARLIAMENT. The Lord Mayor took the chair at a quarter before twelve. Mr. Thomas Lott presented a petition from Alderman Scales, praying for an alteration in weights and measures. The prayer of the petition was supported by Mr. Charles Pearson, who declared that the half quartern measures did not satisfy liini; in fact, he did not like half measuies at all. Bribery and Corruption. Mr. Figgins rose, pursuant to notice, to bring under the consideration of the House, a most impudent and bare- faced case of bribery and cor ruption. It would be in the recollection of hon. members that an election for a scavenger to the populous district of Mutton- hill had lately taken place. On this occasion, a scene of disgraceful riot and confusion had ensued, which had terminated in the election of Mr. Mudlark ; and he should be able to prove, that the result had been effected by means of the most glaring acts of bribery that had ever come before the House. In many instances, it could be proved that he and his agents bad dis- tributed a large quantity of rum among the constituents— Mr. Pritchard said he thought that a rum way of bribing the electors. —( Laughter, and cries of " Chair, chair.'') The Lord Mayor could not understand why he had been appealed to, and confessed his ignorance. The last speaker had been quite in order, and had only made a spirited observation in reply to the tion. member who had preceded him. Mr. Figgins continued. He was sorry for the interruption, since it had caused him to forget all he had intended to say. Indeed, he had prepared a splendid speech on the corruption that existed among these scavengers. The House, however, must take the will for the deed ; and he should, therefore, conclude by moving that a Committee be appointed to inquire into the subject. Mr. Dixon said he would not occupy the attention of the House a minute— he would, therefore, briefly second the motion of his hon. friend. Mr. Charles Pearson observed, that the present inquiry would be a most important one. Scavengers were always a necessary class of men, th ® ugh their deeds would never bear the light of day. For his own part, he ( Mr. Charles Pearson) was well convinced of their utility ; their duty was to clear away offensive nuisances; " and, God knows," con. tinued the hon. member, " in the city their labour is of the most irk some description." He would support the motion. Alderman Farebrother would bring forward a few knock- dorcn argu- ments in favour of the proposed committee. He could produce a whole catalogue of crimes against the parties implicated, and knew lots of ins'. ances in which An hon. member, whose name we could not learn, thought this was not the time to enter so deeply into the subject as the worthy Alderman seemed to wish. The Lord Mayor agreed with the last speaker, and thought the less that was said upon the subject the better. Mr. Pritchard protested against the interference of the Lord Mayor: he was speaker of their honourable house, and therefore ought to be silent. The Lord Mayor would not be insulted by any man, and was prepared to support the dignity of his office. If such language was proceeded with, he would call for his officers and dissolve the House. He was a Church and King man, and so was the Lady Mayoress. FIGARO IN LONDON. 179 Mr. Figgins thought this interruption most disgraceful. He wished the business now before the House to be proceeded with. The Lord Mayor was inclined to oppose it on two or three grounds, but for the present thought the motion would not suffer if, for a few days, it remained stationary. Alderman Lucas quite agreed with the Lord Mayor. Besides, it was now one o'clock, and that was his dinner- time; he therefore moved the adjournment of the House. In this the whole House seemed to coincide, and the motion for ad- journment was carried unanimously; A WOYAGE TO GREENWICH BY VATER. Tune— King of the Cannibal Islands. Oh listen to a yarn I've spun, About the things that late were done By the King and Queen, on their voyage from Lon- don Bridge to Greenwich by vater ! So now, without von bit of chaff— The joke I know vill make you laugh— ' Bout Villiam and his better half, Who vent, attended by their staff, In little boats, I do declare, Attended by the old Lord Mayor; Dear, how the folks did gape and stare, As they vent to Greenwich by vater! With laughing, quaffing, all the vay, And funning, punning, cach so gay, They hoped to have a pleasant day, On their woyage to Greenwich by vater,! Oh, crikey ! how the cannon roar'd, The moment they set foot on board, And then came up the City's Lord- - Mayor to see them to Greenwich by vater! Away they vent— disdaining fears— The people raised great shouts and cheers, As on the banks they stood in tiers. Vhile at each bridge they passed the piert, Who grimly frowned as they vent by, When von more bold did loudly cry, He thought the thing was all his eye,— This jaunting to Greenwich by vater. With laughing, quaffing, & c. Then on they rowed, vith all their might, Shot London Bridge in a bit of spite, Oh ; t vas indeed a glorious sight, When they vent to Greenwich by vater. At the Tower- wharf was sich a go— Beef- eaters drawn up in a row— Their zeal and loyalty to show— Played ' Rule Britannia' but so, so; Then Cuckold's Point next came in view, The Queen look'd vhite, the King look'd blue ; Lord, what a farce, ' twixt me and you, Was this woyage to Greenwich by vater. With laughing, quaffing, & c. Arrived at Greenwich stairs they land, And then the sight was werry grand, For all the yards with boys were mann'd, On reaching Greenwich by vater. Their next proceeding was to dine— Drink loyal toasts and puzzle wine— Make speeches that vere werry fine, And talk of Kings and their " rights divine," Which done, their way home they pursued, So this moral may be understood,— If they did no harm, vhy they did no good, By going to Greenwich by vater. With laughing, quaffing, & c. BREVITIES. Rath er Troublesome. His Majesty, having called out the Lord Mayor to meet him at Greenwich, the latter is said to have taken active measures to give him satisfaction. Stone Fruit. " What sort of fruit are these pomegranites f" asked Sir Clod of Common Councilman Steevens. " Only another variety of Scotch granite," answered the witty gin- spinner. Winking at evil. A rotten egg, hurled by some base hand, lighted on the nose of the dignified Winchester. For a moment he looked unutterable things ; but, as the offender had escaped, he was compelled, on this occasion, to show his magnanimity by winking at the offence. « The Upset of Royalty. Our revered Monarch occasionally gets into smartish breezes with the amiable Adelaide. A few days since one of these was succeeded by some heavy squalls, which were followed by a tremendous blow that sent the Royal tar upon his beam- ends. A handsome Foot- " These boots do not fit me, Hoby," exclaimed Harrington, peevishly; " they are too large, and mo3t diabolically ugly." " Then your lordship shall have another pair," returned the aristocratic snob ; " for I know you pride yourself upon having a most beautiful Foote." A Bishop's Alarm. " Whither shall I flee for peace from the wrath of those noisy Church Reformers?" cried the Bishop of Exeter in alarm. " Ask his Majesty to translate you to the Pacific Sea ( See)," responded his toady, Horace Twiss. THEATRICALS A new fairy operetta called the ' Guardian Sylph,' has been produced at the Queen's. It is a poor flimsy French affair, and will not, we should suppose, do much towards enriching the treasury. It embraces some of the incidents of the ' Mountain Sylph,' but they are badly managed, and fall very short of the intended effect. Mrs. Honey plays the Sylph with more spirit than we ever saw her throw into any part before, and her songs were all perfect little gems, though unfortunately set in very coarse mate- rials. Reeve was as droll as a meagre up- hill part would allow him to be. At the Surrey Theatre, T. P. Cooke has been added to its already power- ful company. On Monday evening the ' Sledge Driver' was announced, but in consequence of some disagreement with Mr. Morris of the Hay- market, another piece was obliged to be substituted. At this the audience grew clamorous, and Mr. Davidge waxed wrathful. The disturbance in- creased, and in proportion so did the rage of Mr. D., who stepping at last, before the curtain, assured the audience that " he had been too often used to theatrical rows to be intimidated on the present occasion." This some- what bold speech is vehemently applauded by the uproarious, and the manager exits amazed at the change he has wrought. Surely this was kissing the rod with a vengeance; but the English are a good- natured people! At Astley's the performances continue nearly as they were at the com- n. encement of the season. ' The Siege of Jerusalem' has nearly reached its hundredth night, and we are then promised an illumination and a change of pieces. The scenes in the circle are really excellent, but we would ad- vise less speed and a little more care on the part of some of the riders. The other evening Mr. Addams, who by the by, is exceedingly clever, met with an accident that had nearly proved fatal. We recommend him to insure his life. The Pavilion is closed. Farrel is about to submit the whole to the purifying process of white- washing and painting. Perhaps at the same time he will consider the propriety of employing talented authors for his theatre, and not allow the whole literary department to be engrossed by the Lucases, the Barnett's, the Polacks and others, that we could mention who write pieces for the establishment at so much per yard. The butcher- boys of Whitechapel are good judges of blood and murder pieces, and will be sure to reward talent. 134 FIGARO IN LONDON. Being in that part of the town, we may mention that Conquest has opened the Garrick as an humble imitator of the late Charles Mathews. We saw him a few nights ago, and were really very well pleased. Almar has produced a new spectacle at Sadler's Wells. It is called ' The Seven Sisters,' and is founded on a popular legend still current at the village of Tottenham. The getting up of the drama is unexception- able ; the scenery and dresses are extremely splendid ; and the perform- ance seems to afford the audience all the pleasure they could anticipate. This, if the receipts prove good, will no doubt afford ample satisfaction to the spirited lessee. Our old friend Campbell seemed quite at home. He stamped and ranted to his heart's content, and his great exertions were duly appreciated by his admiring friends. Sheridan Knowles has this week made his appearance at the Victoria Theatre. His reception was, as it ought to be, enthusiastic in the extreme, but we are sorry to add that the audience was not so large a one as might have been expected. On Monday night he sustained the part of Tell in his own beautiful drama on that subject, and never did he perfsrm the part with more spirit or animation. On the following evening he played Walter in the ' Hunchback,' in a style of surpassing beauty. We were, however, sorry to see him so badly supported throughout the piece. This is a fault that betrays the most careless management, and should be avoided beyond all others. If the performers are not more perfect and well up in their parts at the last rehearsal fine them, we say, to the utmost that the usages of the theatre admit. Touch their pockets and you will inspire them with retentive memories— keep them in continual fear for their sala- ries, and they, we will wager a good round sum, will devote a little more attention to the scene. We have not yet had an opportunity of visiting the Colosseum; but, if report speaks truly, it is one of the places of amusement that deserves the best patronage of the public. We shall stroll in shortly, and report progress. TO CORRESPONDENTS. In last week's Figaro it was incidentally hinted that it was our inten- tion to give SIX SLASHING CARICATURES after the admirable designs of Seymour. We are now happy to assure our readers that they are in a state of great forwardness, and will appear in No. 200 of this work ! Notwithstanding our notice that No. 2 of WHIGGERIES and WAGGE- RIES is published, we have received a great number of letters, complain- ing that the writers have not been able to get them through their newsmen. We can only say, let us know the names of the parties, and care shall be taken to amend the inconvenience. Mr. John Barrett is informed that Buckstone's new drama, ' The Scholar,' is in the piess, and will be published in a few days. We have received a very long letter, signed J. B , the object of which is to propose that a penny subscription be started in every parish through- out England, for the purpose of laising a monument to the memory of the late William Cobbott. The proposition is well worthy of attention, and should be carried into immediate execution. Mr. George Thatcher's intemperate note has been received. The party- he alludes lo may have been mistaken, but that does not warrant our correspondent in giving the LIE direct. We will enquire into the subject at the fountain- head, and report accordingly. Q IN THE CORKER is inadmissible. Figaro has already given sufficient publicity to the affair he speaks of in a recent number. Will our sprightly friend favor us again ? We have received many letters from the admirers of poor Paulo, en- quiring where subscriptions are received in behalf of his destitute widow. In reply, we are happy to state that Mr. Strange, our publisher, has kindly offered to receive donations ; and that Mr. Cowie, printer, 13, Newcastle- street, Strand, will assist in forwarding the charitable in tentions of those who are willing to aid the necessitous. Need we urge our friends to come forward in this case of pressing emergency ? ADVERTISEMENTS. KIDD'S LONDON JOURNAL, No. XII, Price One Penny, Contains.— REVIEWS OF NEW BOOKS, with Copious Extracts— Birch v. Neale, a Case of Ilorrihle Conspiracy— Spirit of the Magazines— Reminiscences ofChas. 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