FIGARO IN LOMIO^. Satire should like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen.— LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political History. Thev supply information as to the person and habits often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CROKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. No. 186. SATURDAY, JUNE 27, 1835. [ PRICE QNE penny. CRUELTY TO AN ALDERMAN. It is our painful duty to announce that a gross and outrageous assault has been committed, during the past week, on that worthy and well- known civic dignitary, Mr. Alderman Gobble. As far as we can collect from the worthy alderman's own account of the transaction, it was as follows :— About a month ago he was called upon by three or four persons, calling themselves commissioners, to give an account of his property, both what was really his own, and what he considered almost as good as his own, from having had the sole controul over it so long. These fellows behaved in a very unhandsome manner to him, they found fault with his wines, his dinners, his servants, his houses, his gardens, and his whole es- tablishment— nay, one of them went so far as to accuse him of Vol. IV. embezzling other people's money to keep himself in cliamapgne, venison, and rose- water; however, they went away after a good deal of grumbling, and he thought he should hear no more of it. The other night, however, as he was walking down by West- minster Bridge, he was suddenly seized by half- a- dozen sallow fellows, dragged into a dark room, and actually put UNDER A PRESS, and squeezed almost into AN ANATOMY. ( The worthy alderman, indeed, looked much thinner.) He said that the squeezing and compression was not so bad as the palavering speeches which they made to him all the while— telling him that it was for his good, and that they were his friends— that they thought him too stout to be healthy, and that a little thinning would make him moie active and sprightly. The more he roared, the better they seemed to like it, and they scoffed and flaunted him, asking him whether he liked turtle, and whether there was any hard work in swan- hopping — and all such insolent questions. At last they let him go, but one mischievous fellow, with a most moving nose, gently insinu- ated that in about a fortnight he should be happy to have another turn with the alderman. And then they kicked him out of the house, contemptuously, as if he had never been a magistrate, or worn the furred robe of a civic dignitary. This affair has excited a great sensation in the city, and the funds have fallen three farthings in consequence. INTERPRETER. Cruelty to Animals. " Several ladies having expressed a wish to reward humane drivers, a book is opened for subscriptions, & c."— Morning Paper. These sort of things are the great follies of the age. Lambs with blue ribbons round their necks, and carriages to carry them to the butcher's, are daily to be seen in the streets— the contrivances of cunning rogues, who get hold of foolish women and finger the charitable cash, as Secretaries and Inspectors of Humanity Socie- Printed by G^ Cowie, 13, Newcastle- street, Strand. 108 FIGARO IN LONDON. ties. The fellow feeling1 for asses is not wonderful; but we sicken, with disgust at the hypocrisy of a countess, who thinks nothing of keeping her coachman and footman out of their beds all night, while she is pursuing her pleasures— and then, in the morning, sen- timentalises in a sickly tone, over the sufferings of some unlucky Tom Cat, who has lost his tail in his anxiety to reach the object of his affectionate moll- rowings. While men and women are starving, while there is a child crying for bread, how odious, how disgusting is it to read these puling speeches about false humanity. To live upon rump steaks, and sigh for the sufferings of oxen is equally hy- pocritical with the conduct of the swell mob, who go to chapels for the sake of picking the'pockets of pious old ladies. Butchers in white kid gloves, and drovers with velvet waistcoats, nosegays in their button- holes, and gold- headed canes, will soon be among the dainty monstrosities of this dandy period. Margate Extortion ! " The ' Duke of Susses' steamer, and ' The Princess Victoria' steamer, charge only two shillings for each person conveyed by them from London to Margate, and out of this the proprietors have to pay one shilling and threepence pier duty ! for each person embarking and landing.".— Morning Advertiser. The greediness and extortion of the Margate Pier Company has nearly ruined the town. When they got the fifteen- penny tax al- lowed to them by Act of Parliament, the power of steam, and the reduction- influence of competition had not been fully developed. Ninepence to Margate ! that is to say, one penny for each ten miles, and fifteen pence for the privilege of landing onlyjf after which com- mences the usual lodging house robbery. We do not wonder that people prefer Heme Bay and Gravesend. Surely one of theM. P.' s for Kent should see to this. A mere allusion in the House of Commons to the subject, would have the effect of bringing the firm of shareholders to their senses ; if not, an Act of Parliament to build a Steam Packet Pier, would be carried by acclamation, and would soon clear its expences. Let us see the effect: For five shilliegs a man and his wife might leave London on Sun- day, sleep at Margate, and return on Monday, provided they carried with them their provisions : and how many a man squanders away twice as much without an equal share of rational enjoyment. When the steam boats are full, the gin shops are empty. Amusement and recreation can and should be made cheap, and England once more should be a happy, as well as a hard working country. The Swell Mob. " Robberies in Omnibusses. Persons riding in omnibusses cannot be too careful of their pockets. A gang of the swell mob thieves, both male and female, have lately adopted the system of getting into omnibusses, and when the vehicle becomes crowded, practicing their calling with much success."— Morning Herald. What with mad dogs, atrocious cab- drivers, omnibusses, and the ' swell mob,' the editor of the ' Morning Herald' is almost driven out of his senses. We are sorry, however, that D'Orsay and Ches- terfield cannot be quiet, but must ride about in omnibusses and rob poor old ladies of their sixpences. It is really too bad. Whig Reformers, " The Attorney General observed that if lodgers were permitted to vote, it would let in journeymen mechanics and servants, which would be highly ob- jectionable."— Debate on Corporation Reform. These Whig Reformers are ever on the fear lest they should do too much. Why should not journeymen and mechanics have a voice in the election of their representatives ? Do they not pay the taxes 1 Who that has noticed the great improvement in the habits, manners, and morals of the working classes of the com- munity can deny that they are qualified calmly and dispassionately to weigh the merits of a candidate, and choose a fitand proper person to represent them in parliament. But say the Tory- Whigs, we must draw the line somewhere! Granted— let their IGNORANCE be the disqualification. Every man who can read and write can judge of public events, and, therefore, is entitled to a vote. FIGARO AT HOME. Scene— A quiet corner at Bellamy's FIGARO, DUNCOMBE, D'ORSAY. Dunconbe. Just put in a good word for her. Figaro. I cannot write theatricals to- day, there is nothing to write about; shall we go to the Haymarket ? D'Orsay. God forbid— the women are all old, and the men all sticks. Duncombe. Anderson singing Captain Macheath, and looking as if he had just stepped off a gibbet into a Monmouth Street suit of° ready made second- hand, Epping Forest, cockney- looking coat and boots. D'Orsay. I am for the Opera. Figaro. Where you sit all night scratching your whiskers, opposite to the stout old lady with a red face, and looking like the sign of a coffee- shop. Duncombe. Never mind him, D'Orsay, he gets his living by saying sharp things, and would quiz his grandmother for a guinea a week. Have you seen the caricature of Rubini at the Victoria ? D'Orsay. Very clever indeed— but you English are too broad, too exaggerated even in burlesque, there appears to me no repose, and con- sequently no fine contrast, no shades of feeling in your acting. It is all stamp, rave, and roar— now on our stage a whisper is made effective— a shrug sharpens a bon- mot— and a mere fidgeting of the fingers shows the testiness and fretfulness of the character, without that constant bustle which all your actors carry into every character. Duncombe. And yet our actors excite the attention, and create more emotion than yours; there is too much mcnotony and mannerism to me in the French stage. Figaro. The fact is, that our English actors are always in loo much of a hurry. But do not talk of theatres, it puts me in mind of busi- ness, and I do most thoroughly hate woik— Poor Cobbett. Duncombe. Poor Cobbett, indeed ; it is bad enough to die, but to have your ' life' published before the breath is out of your body is, indeed, deplorable. Why, sir, one would have supposed on seeing " THE LIFE- OF COBBETT, written by himself, price twopence," that still in his ashes lived their wonted fire, and that his ghost had set down to write immediately on his liberation from this earthly world. Figaro. Ages may roll on before another man like Cobbett shall rise up amongst us. He represented not only the principles, but the preju- dices of the agricultural classes, and the noble eulogium passed on him by the editor of the Standard, does honour to the newspaper press. As for ' The Times,'— faugh!— but where is D'Orsay ? Duncombe. He has disappeared to the Opera, and now we are alone friend Figaro— let me tell you seriously, now I hate the W'bigs, there is no getting at their principles, no knowing exactly what they would be at—- a tendency to radiscalism, and an inclination to toryism, are com- bined with a desire to do nothing— they will take off no taxes— and they have mixed up the Spanish affair with such a medley, that the British battalion will not find such easy work as they expect ; but zounds ! you are asleep. Figaro. ( Yamns.) I can't endure speeches ; pray go down to the house, the Speaker is paid for listening to you, and I will drive over to Astley's. to see Ducrow in the circle. Duncombe. Or turn in at the English Opera to take an ice. Figaro. Not I, indeed, I hate such degradation ; the actors I suppose will next carry about the pastrycooks plates with their painted faces; it is a disgrace to the art; but I shall certaiuly patronize Der Freisc/ iutz, got up in the old style; Phillips will be magnificent, and then there is that facetious horror, O. Smith in his original character. Duncombe. Well, then, let us march off there at once. Poulter is making a speech about locking up cocks and hens on Sundays, during divine service; and he always takes two hours; so we shall have time to hear a couple of songs. [ Exeunt. SHOCKING ACCIDENTS. As Lord Winchester was walking along Cheapside, on Tuesday, a contumacious cabman, who was not aware of his lordship's dig- nity, by some accident inserted the off- wheel of his vehicle into his lordship's waistcoat pocket. We regret to say that as his majesty's carriage was coming out FIGARO IN of the gateway of Apsley- house, on Thursday last, one of the horses slipped out in making a sharp turn, and put his tongue out. On Friday evening, as Lord Ellenborough and the Duke of Cum- berland were returning from a visit to the cook and laundry- maid of a certain house in Connaught Terrace, they were stopped by a policeman. His serene Royal Highness escaped by jumping into a cab, but it is with extreme pain that we have to inform our readers that his lordship was locked up for the night, and that his hair has been considerably out of curl in consequence. SUSPECTED SUICIDE.— On Thursday, about half- past six in the evening, a respectable looking man about forty years of age, walked into the coffee- room of the Golden- cross, Charing- cross, and after conversing cheerfully with the waiter, ordered a xump steak and a bottle of port, which he despatched with great gravity— a glass of brandy and water followed, and then the stranger, with great pre- sence of mind, ordered a bed; on being conducted to his chamber, he ordered the waiter to bring him up a razor, on receiving which, he retired to the end of the apartment, and standing opposite to the looking glass, he deliberately cut his—— corns. CORONER'S INQUEST.— An inquest was held at the Cat and Fiddle, Smith- street, Addlehead- close, before Mr. Buggins and a jury, on the body of a joke, which was found lying dead in the neighbour- hood of the Mansion- house, A number of witnesses attended to prove that it could not have been Lord Winchester's, he never having been guilty of a joke in his life. The jury were compelled, therefore, in the absence of proof, to return a verdict of ' Found Dead.' Strong suspicion attaches to young Hobler. THE LORD MAYOR AND THE STEAM- BOATS. Lord Winchester has declared his intention of going down the Thames, in person, on Monday, by way of checking the murderous ' welocity of the wessels" It is expected that there will be a very great swell on the water on that day. To prevent accidents, and in case the blaze of his lordship's glory should set the Thames on fire, the various fire engines are to be stationed on the banks in readiness to play upon the river. PEOPLE > S POLICE REPORTS, Queer Street.— Saturday. LOSS OF HIS MAJESTY'S BREECHES. A shrewish looking, sharp- visaged, middle aged woman, was brought before Sir Benjamin Beak, charged with feloniously abstracting, and otherwise illusing the breeches of a wealthy and respectable old publi- can named William King, residing at Windsor, and keeping the Castle tavern at that place. It appears that the old gentleman, who bears a strong resemblance to our beloved sovereign, and is therefore known by the nickname of " King William," was going out on Thursday last to the races at As- cot Heath, with a party of friends who had met at his house for the occasion. The defendant, however, with whom he bad cohabited for many years, and who therefore considered herself entitled to rule the roast, objected to Mr. King's going out, and thought to ensure his stay by secretly abstracting from under the royal head the ' no- we- never- mention- ems' alluded to in the charge. Well, woman, said the magistrate, what have you to say to the charge ? Please your worship, I wanted to wear the breeches myself, said the lady, putting her arms a kimbo, and throwing herself into a scolding attitude, and ' who has a better right to do so, than a man's own true and lawful wife.' Mr. King, however, denied the right to the honours of matrimony ; he said she was a German- broom- girl, whom he regretted to say he had picked up in his travels; that he took her out of a miserable shed from LONDON. 179 her frowsy companions, and placed her in a'comfortable house; from that time he had known no happiness or comfort— she kept up a per- petual worry in the family, and like a flash of lightning, was always fidgetting and flying about everywhere teazing and mischief- making, and interfering with every body's business. As for himself, she would not let him drink a bottle of wine, but served out sour swipes to him and bis friends, and saved all the best cognac to give to a low fellow named How, who called himself a lord, but was generally thought to be an e^- policeman out of luck. This unlucky observation so irritated the lady, that she took off one of her wooden shoes and flung at Billy King's head, when two of the officers forcibly removed her screaming and kicking from this office. Mr. W. King said, that his object was to get rid of her; the fact was, he had an invitation to dine with Duke Humphrey on the Thursday, and not being able to get his breeches, be was obliged to ride up to London in his tax- cart, in Highland costume. He suggested to the magistrate that a mild punishment would answer the purpose, and be a caution to his old lady. The magistrate sentenced the defendant to solitary confinement, and three perusals of Mr. Roebuck's last pamphlet; but at the request of Mr. King and his friends, he mitigated it to listening to one speech of Mr. Praed's. MYSTERIOUS PARAGRAPHS. ( Dropped by the Editor of the MORNING POST.) A certain lady of distinguished rank has rather a singular fancy to what is called ' duffing'— she carries about pretended cashmere shawls in the disguise of a female smuggler, and has succeeded in tricking several ladies, of high rank out of dresses and trinkets. The lady of a distinguished legal functionary was a severe sufferer last week. Lady P D. . . K. . . has, it is said, lost her heart to a certain distinguished foreigner. Lady Barbara Billinsgate has lost a tooth. EXTRAORDINARY OUTRAGE. Great excitement was created at the Opera- house, a few nights since, by the unexpected appearance of a distinguished party of bum- bailiffs in one of the boxes. No sooner were they recognized than the whole house rose and called for the copy of a writ, which having been duly endorsed by the leader of the band, was handed over by M. Laporte, on a silver salver, to Signora Grisi, who came forward and sang the well known favourite air of " Run, neigh- bours, run," which was loudly chorused by the whole audience.— Count Maurice Never Leave- ye, then came forward to the front of the box, dressed in a beautiful French brown coat, with elegantly cut steel buttons, flame- coloured breeches, and crush hat— taking a glass of champagne in his left hand, and putting his little finger out to show his ring, the insinuating Count addressed the assem- bled fashionables, and said, pon his honour he varn't there on business, but only as a private gentleman. ( Enthusiastic cheers.) However, as the house had done him the honour to recognize him in his official capacity, he would go through the ' double shuffle' and show off the regular ' touch and go' system, for which he was so distinguished. Then taking out of his waistcoat pocket a small parchment, he presented it to the Honourable Mr. Nowell, who immediately threw a somerset, after the manner of Signor Paulo, of whom he was a pupil, and then prostrating himself at the feet of Count Maurice, offered him a cognovit, which the Count graciously accepted, and the farce concluded amidst loud applause. The Count and the Honourable then threw themselves on three chairs, ordered three bottles of champagne, by way of being genteel, and retired into private life behind the curtain of the 110 FIGARO IN LONDON. box. The Honourable Mr. Nowell must be known to most of our professional readers as ' the gentleman in black,' in elegant tights and black velvet coat. We are requested to state that a repetition of the performance will take place on Saturday next. Gentlemen's Fashions for the Month, Dropped by the Editor of a Magazive. Morning Dress— Striped shirt, ancle jacks,; round hat, and cigar. Evening Dress— Dicky and wristbands ; high lows ; velveteen breeches; white stockings. Several of our distinguished elegantes make use of a black eye at this period, which certainly gives a look of finish to the contour of the countenance. A bathing costume of singular elegance has been invented by the celebrated and fashionable costermonger, Timothy Twist'em. It consists of a flesh coloured suit, elegantly garnished with a plaster of mud, and turned up with a couple of bladders. This is quite the rage at Brighton. THEATRICALS. Her Majesty's visit to see ' Fidelio' will do very little towards the benefit of Bunn's pocket— he has evidently made a ^ mistake, and had better have continued honestly to lose a small sum by his actors accord- ing to agreement, than to waste hundreds in hiring foreigners to sing to empty benches. In fact, we may take- upon ourselves to say, that there is not at present any one theatre in London, which * s a theatre, clears its expenses. At the Haymarket, poor Ilaines is the great star, and Morris has the laugh at Buckstone's jokes all to himself. At the English Opera, Miss Romer twists and twirls herself and her voice about in all directions, but there's nobody coming to woo! The real water at Sadler's Wells, is superseded by the gin and water of White- Conduit House. The Victoria and Surrey cut each other's throats, and even ' Angelo,' which is first- rate, and Mrs. Selby, whose Thisbe is really ex- cellent, are not competent to attract a crowded audience. The Queen's Theatre, the coolest theatre in London, is not overburdened with audiences; and Who ever heard of the Garrick having more than two orders and a check- taker in the pit. Such is the state of theatricals at present, such it will remain until the winter season. Braham and Yates are getting up a Mummery at the Colosseum. It is to be a kind of Ranelagh, but from all we can hear it will be very dull. Braham is to sing. People do hint that Braham is the celebrated Wandering Jew, and we suspect something of the sort— he never ap- pears to grow older, and is always singing away as well as ever. Is the Strand Theatre to be licensed this year ? If not, we think the favour shown to Braham and Yates will be an unfair preference. The Adelphi, we suppose, will fetch the 34,000/. asked for it, but Davidge if he succeeds in raising the money will not make it answer; trickery and clap- trap may tell for awhile, but Yates brought judgment and taste to bear upon it, and was thus enabled to support an extensive establish- ment and realise a splendid fortune. In our opinion, after Yates, Buck- stone would be the manager best suited to the Adelphi. NOTICE. The SEVENTH HALF YEARLY Part of FIGARO IN LONDON, with Fifty Caricature Cuts by Seymour, price Two Shillings and Sixpence, is now ready. Each number has been reprinted from the stereotype edition, and forms, when bound together, the best record of the struggle between the Re- formers and the Tories, and the final triumph of the Whigs. WHIGGERIES and WAGGERIES have been again reprinted, and may be had on application to any Bookseller in the Kingdom. They are sold at the rate of eighteenpence per dozen ( 13), and unsold copies exchanged at the close of the year. 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Uniform with the above, price twopence, No. I. of The r » EAUTIES OF COBBETT.— To be continued weekly; forming an appropriate Companion to his Life. Also ready, price 2s. 6d. with an admirable Likeness of Mr, Cobbett, or in separate Num- bers, price threepence each, /^ OBBETT'S LECTURES on the following subjects:— 1. French Revolution.— 2. English Boroughmongering.— 3. Grievances of the English People.— 4 Petition to the King.— S Aristocracy of the People— 6 Belgian Revo- lution— 7 Church ProDerty— 8 New Police— 9 Talleyrand's Mission— 10 The Whiffs— If , The Standing Army. 6 W. STRANGE, 21, Paternoster Row ; G. COWIE, 13, Newcastle Street, Strand; Purkess, Compton Street, Soho; Lewis, Manchester ; Cooper, Birmingham • Mrs. Mann', Leeds; Hey wood, Manchester; and all Booksellers. Of whom may be had, publishing in Numbers, price twopence each, and in Parts, price sixpence each, wi th elegant engravings by W. C. Walker, T< HE ARABIAN TALES ; forming a SEQUEL to the ARABIAN 1. 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