Satire should, like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen.— LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political history. They supply information as t o the personal habits, and often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."— CROEER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. No. 10.] SATURDAY, F E B R U A R Y 11, 1832. [ Price One Penny- SIEGE OF THE PARLIAMENTARY GARRISON. We this week present our readers with an account of t he grand battle between the people and the borouglimongers, which we are sure every one o f our subscribers will regard a9 a source of peculiar interest.. The cause of the great contest has been the abuse of the power delegated to a certain number of persons, who, under the pretence of forming themselves into a garrison for the defence of the liberties of England, have been traitors to the interests they have affected to represent, and have converted the places of their assemblage, from which they ought to have kept a defensive watch on the constitution, into strong holds of corruption, from which to assail those rights it was their duty to have protected. The grand charge against them is, an hostility to the constitution, for t h e defence of which two houses were established by way of fortresses, over which was placed a supreme head, from whom another complaint against the traitors is, that they have almost entirely withdrawn their allegiance. For a long period the majority of them, notwithstanding the opposition of a f ew honest individuals amongst them, have been plundering and oppressing the people by their abominable acts, and have almost ruined their fellow- countrymen by making a tax upon them, however unjust and burdensome. The late governor- general never interposed his authority against the system of rapine which had been pursued by the occupants of the garrison, but even appointed such leaders as he knew would follow a similar course; and one o f his latest acts was the promotion of the hero Wellington to the chief command, whose prompt measures of hostility, so valuable in the field, were introduced, to the great detriment of the constitution, into the cabinet. At length the old governor died, and h i s successor, after a short interval, determined that the fortresses should be applied to the uses foi which they were originally intended; and he accordingly turned out of his office the o ld commander- in- chief, and appointed the veteran Grey, to Wellington's situation. Grey accordingly called a counsel of war, composed of Brougham, Russell, and others, who determined on taking such a measure as would eithei; reduce the tory garrison to a state of proper discipline and good order, or, in the event of any obstinacy being shown, might raise the siege and cause the faction to surrender. It was soon discovered that mild means would effect nothing against a band of such determined desperadoes, and the council began to busy itself in constructing such a battering ram as would be found efficacious against the strong holds of corruption they were on the point of assailing. An instrument was in a short tima invented by Russell, which was in every respect adequate. 38 FIGARO IN LONDON. It however required singular strength to apply it with effect, and two attempts were made before it could be brought to bear even upon the lower garrison. The revolutionary army repelled it for a time with success, but even the first blow which it gave, made the holds of corruption tremble from their foundations. The besiegers were however driven back by one of the numerous divisions of the faction which opposed them ; but, having in some degree routed their adversaries on a first assault, they came again to the contest with renewed vigour, and succeeded in carrying the battering ram before the higher fortress. Here the opposition they encountered was far more resolute. Wellington, the commander, used every effort to oppose the assailants ; but they would have succeeded in their object, had they not been suddenly encountered by a reserve of bishops, whom they did not expect to find taking any part in the contest. The reverend ministers of peace were however found expert in the practice of war, and, notwithstanding their sheep's clothing, turned out to be a pack of wolves, in support of those good things of which it was supposed a reform in the garrison would deprive them. For opposition in this quarter the besiegers were not prepared, and they were accordingly under the necessity of retreating. They have, however, since had their battering ram amended, and are now vigorously working it with success against the lower fortress. Before they again bring it to bear upon the higher, they intend creating a new corps, with whose assistance there is no doubt they will force the obnoxious instrument triumphantly through the part where they have hitherto encountered so much formidable opposition. POXfXTXCAXi AHACRAMS. It is exceedingly curious that certain letters, composing certain names, make up certain sentences, singularly characteristic of certain individuals. It seems as if the very titles by which some persons are known, were given to them to mark their possession either of particular qualities, or to give evidence on certain points connected with their opinions or their private history. Precisely of such a kind are the following anagrams, and we trust their subjects will not be offended with us, for giving publicity to the unfortunate coincidence over which they must allow we could have no control. 1. Aha ! Tory Sir Edward's sire Was a dirty dresser o' hair. 2. Ay ! when Peel spouts— Why one's put asleep. 3 . Dear mad London dery— Damn'd dreary noodle. 4. Sir Chas. Wetherell. There's a rick swell. 5. Oh ! Ernest Cumberland did— Behold incest and murder. 6. Ah, Mister Geor. Dawson— Ola mere downright ass. 7. Lord Lyndhurst's domain. La !' s most horridly dunn'd. 8. I hear Perceval. A vile preacher. THE INTERPRETER. Any tiling but polite- ical. Much as we admire the domestic character of the Queen, much as the country is indebted to her for an example of matronly conduct not often found in a court, it must be acknowledged that the interference of any British queen in political affairs is alike opposed to the principles of the constitution, the peculiar duties of the station which she fills, and the public good. It may perhaps be laid down as a general rule, that the less a woman meddles with politics the better. Females are not fitted for the exercise of political power.— Courier. The foregoing extract from the leading article of last Monday's Courier, is nothing short of an attempt to prove, that the task of government should never devolve upon a female, and amounts to an assertion that the crown should only descend to the heirs male of royalty We perfectly agree with our contemporary, that the amiable Adelaide appears to more advantage in the domestic than in the political character. How justly did she win the hearts of the people by throwing an extra lump of sugar into the tea- cup of her royal consort in a public theatre, and how much prettier employment for a queen is sweetening the king's hyson, than stirring up the black unpleasant grouts of political discord. In all this do we most fully concur with the editor of the paper we have quoted, but we hardly know what to think about his startling doctrine, that women should in no case meddle with politics. Suppose, for example, a queen were on the throne, would our contemporary still maintain this newly adopted opinion? We suspect that, with the truly accommodating loyalty he manifests on all occasions, he would suddenly begin to perceive the value of female government. New Mode of Treatment for tbe Cbolera. WiLt. iAM R. We, taking into our most serious consideration the dangers with which this country is threatened hy the progress of a most serious disease, heretofore unknown in these islands, have resolved, and do, with the advice of our privy council, hereby command, that a public day of fasting and humiliation be observed, through those parts of the united kingdom called England and Ireland, on Wednesday the 21st day of March next ensuing. Proclamation for a General Fast. We hardly like to be guilty of so much presumption as to question the wisdom of the advice given to his Majesty by the privy council, but we must say, the recommendation of a general fast always seemed ridiculous to us, however strong the grounds: but the pretext alleged in the proclamation puts the thing in a more absurd light than ever. It seems the choleraisthe grand reason why humiliation is necessary; but while the ministers thought of doing something to mitigate its violence, they should have at least avoided prescribing a course likely, in a frightful degree, to promote its progress. Going without proper food for a day is about as certain a method of helping on the cholera as it was possible for even legislative stupidity to have hit upon. We do not think it worth while to question the policy of setting apart any day for humiliation at all; but if piety and good living are to be declared incompatible, what but damnation can be expected by the bishops? God help their portly stomachs, if abstinence be necessary to starve us down to a degree of lean 39/ FIGARO IN LONDON. ness sufficient to enable us to pass through the narrow gate of heaven! Advantages of a Good Character. The venerable and patriotic Earl of Egremont has zealously engaged in the scheme of relieving our superabundant population by emigration to Canada, and has offered to convey any persons of good character, in the parishes where his principal Sussex estates are situated, to that country free of expense. Morning Herald. How exceedingly amiable of the Earl of Egremont to manifest so much zeal for sending his fellow- creatures out of the country that he does not object to defray, out of his own pocket, the expense of their transportation! Having a good character is somewhat a new reason for putting one out of society; but the poverty of the party is, we suspect, the grand reason for the gout with which his lordship encourages emigration. It will be seen he only patronizes the shipping off of those on his own Sussex estate, he doubtless finding it better to disencumber it of all paupers; and, instead of having to pay poor rates, thinks it more advisable to resort to wholesale transportation, by way of a composition. A Reduction. The following singular notice is posted in a window in Bond Street.—" An evening school, conducted by a reduced relation of the Earl of Lonsdale."— Brighton Gaxette. This worthy member of the Lowther family is perhaps the first who ever publicly offered himself to be useful to the community. The " reduced relation" is most aristocratically discarded by the rest of the race, who, for once show a disposition to send " the schoolmaster abroad''' for that they would not let the poor fellow remain at home, may be perceived from the pique he manifests against his noble family. We fear the relationship of which he boasts in his notice will be but of little service, for a scion of the stock to which he belongs, was never very illustrious either for knowledge in himself, nor for a desire to impart information to others. We however hope he may meet with success in his new speculation, and almost wish that all noblemen might be eqnally reduced, in order that there might be some chance of their becoming equally useful. Popular Kings. The late king of Bavaria was in many respects a popular king. He went out at night and mixed, in disguise, iu all societies; where he learned what people thought of him and how be should act. The king of Denmark frequently does the same. Although, by the institutions of his country, he is essentially a despot, yet he is the mildest and most benevolent of men. Louis Philip has discontinued his walks in the streets, with his old umbrella under his arm ; and the king of Holland, since he quitted Brussels, where one might jostle him in the public walks or in a bye lane, is grown reserved. Leopold is popular by his affability, but he goes little in public. Our own popular sovereign, we need not mention ;. though he too has, in a great degree, abandoned his habit of showing himself publicly to the people, as one of themselves.— Court Journal. There is a new mode of popularity lately grown fashionable among kings, and consists in walking about in the public streets, shaking hands with the first man they meet, or sporting a cotton umbrella. We must confess it is an easy method of showing one's capacity for the royal office; it is a bit of clap trap about upon a level with the commonest intellect, and it is accordingly practised by half the monarchs in Europe. We cannot help admiring the cool way in which the Court Journal reconciles the apparent paradox, that the king of Denmark is at the same time essentially a despot as well as the mildest and most benevolent of men. We can only explain the contradiction by the supposition that his majesty's suavity of manner in some degree neutralizes the effect of his avowed despotism. We presume he can commit an act of cruelty with an air of so much blandness, that even a condemned criminal would feel charmed by the urbanity displayed in the passing of his sentence. The editor of the Court Journal seems to lament that our beloved William the . Fourth is not so much hail- fellow- well- met with every one he encounters in the streets, as at the commencement of his reign he used to be. We certainly miss those pretty paragraphs concerning the movements of royalty which formerly graced the columns of the Court Circular. " His Majesty no longer rides on the dickey of his carriage without an escort. The Queen does not, as she was wont, walk unattended to the public places of worship. Surely their Majesties cannot suppose the delay in passing the reform bill has detracted in any degree from their personal popularity? Do they think that such apathy to the wishes of the people has been displayed by either of the royal pair, as would warrant the cool reception, they, by their late aversion to appearing in public, give us reason to suppose they fear to experience? BREVITIES. " Brevity is the soul of wit."— Shahspeare. To toe disliked. It is not true that any difference exists between the opponents of the bill— they are all bad alike. Ho Flattery. We do not wonder at Hunt being an advocate for the levelling system, when we consider that the honourable member is himself a fiat. Never to toe mended. It is strange that no improvement can be effected in the Marquis of Londonderry, for it must be allowed that, to cure him of his hostility to reform, the people have been at great panes. Undesided. A certain, or rather an uncertain, member of the House of Commons is so ambiguous in his speeches that his eloquence bears the very equivocal character of Whig Or- a- Tory. Give the Devil his due. It being observed the other day, among some Reformers, that the Tories deserved to be banished for their obstinate opposition to the king and the people, one of the party remarked, that the Boroughmongers certainly ought to suffer, though not without Appeal Ca Peel). Some strong lines. The unanimity of the Anti- reformers is a source of peculiar pleasure to the people, who would be delighted to find the Tories all hanging together. An un- marketatole Commodity. The Anti- reform leaders view, it is said, with much distrust, some of their old supporters, whom they suspect of having, as the phrase is, " bartered their consciences." The Duke of Cumberland is, however, above all doubts of this sort, it being notorious that he felt, very long ago, a most mortal aversion to " sell his." Contra toonos mores. The late riotous proceedings in the House of Commons, and the little attention which even the chairman has experienced, . prove how complete is the contempt which the honourable members entertain for Manners. The Tory Xieader. Prepared paper is sometimes used for the roofing of houses. Mr. Croker's speeches may at least be turned to account in one way, for the written copies of them will we are sure be found quite as efficacious as lead. Defence of the Bishops. Though a small portion of the people may perhaps question the virtues of the bishops, we think there are few who will deny they are persons possessing great acquirements. 40 FIGARO IN LONDON. Inquest Extraordinary. Died of a surfeit, to digest not able, Verdict— Dined twice at Bishop Bloomfield's table. Found dead of fright, a child, ( how sad a case!) Verdict— Saw Cumberland's mustachioed face. Advertisement Extraordinary. Found lately a hat, with a speech in the pad— Suppos'd to be Wetherell's— both shocking bad. Idolatry. Though his present Majesty certainly enjoys a great portion of popularity, yet it must be confessed that the late Monarch was the idle of the nation. THEATRICALS. The King's Theatre opened last Saturday evening with Donizetti's Esule Di Roma, which was acted, for the first time in this kingdom, on the occasion. Madame Meric and Signor Winter both, made their first appearances in England, and both acquitted themselves in a satisfactory manner. The lady we do not ever remember to have heard of, but the gentleman is one of our old favourites, and we are happy to find he is still as pleasing a singer as he was when we last had the pleasure of hearing him in the theatre of San Carlo at Naples. Others from the same fruitful garden of musical talent are announced to appear, and we think that in the promised visit of Signora Adelaide Tosi, the public will have the advantage of hearing a singer who will please them more than the greatest favourite they have for many seasons been in the habit of listening to. A ballet followed the opera, which, though under the title of " An Hour at Naples," took about an hour and a half to perform. It is an amusing trifle, and does not hang the heavier for occupying a little more time than the bills prescribed for it. The new management has commenced auspiciously, though we must not judge too favourably from so slight an opportunity of forming an opinion as a first night presents, to us. We can, however, bear testimony to the increased respectability of the audience; for we did not on Saturday night, as has been our fate on former occasions, encounter the miserable swarm of would- be fashionables who were wont to choke up the passages of the opera. Now that the assignees of chambers have nothing to do with the concern, we shall be spared the horror of coming in contact with the lawyers belonging to the commission, who gained the privilege of entre not only for themselves, but even for their wives, their clerks, and the whole circle of their elegant acquaintance. Mr. Mason has, we are happy to find, evinced a desire to make the opera what it ought to be. The system of diluting its respectability by a flood of orders, has always been a great draw- back on its success, and has been the means of permitting ingress to a set of noisy would- be amateurs, whose presence was disagreeble to those who had paid their half guinea for the enjoyment of a musical banquet. The opera of the Haunted Tower has been revived for the purpose of bringing Miss Shirreff and Miss Inverarity into direct competition. The friends of each mustered remarkably strong, and from the boisterous applause with which both were rewarded it would have been difficult to judge which of the two might be called the greater favourite. We have to congratulate Miss Shirreff on the improvement she exhibited in her acting, and she certainly evinced a comic talent which we did not give her credit for possessing. Miss Inverarity suffered nothing by comparison with her rival; and on the whole the opera was very respectably performed. We must, however, except the two old men's parts supported by Bartley and F. Matthews. The humour of the former gentleman is confined to buffoonery, and seems to consist in throwing his body into all kinds of ridiculous contortions. As to Mr. F. Matthews, we have heard for the last six years that he is a young man who will get forward in his profession, but we have as yet seen nothing to warrant such a supposition. We hear now and then, that his acting of some old fool in some silly farce is considered a rare gem by his professional brethren, but we must own we always have doubted the critical judgment of the members of the sock and buskin. We look on Mr. F. Matthews as a thorough stick, and almost as pithless a stick as it ever was our lot to encounter. The most pathetic part of the performance of the Haunted Tower was, in our estimation, the laugh of the supernumeraries. Never did we hear a more hollow attempt at merriment. We fancied we heard fifteen shillings a week in every note of the acclamation. The vibration of the empty stomachs of the poor half- starved wretches was truly painful; and indeed how can it be expected that men can give utterance to any thing like sincere hilarity upon the beggarly salary they receive for their services. We would strongly advise the managers, whenever a hearty laugh is needed in the course of a piece, to give an extra feed to those unhappy beasts the supernumeraries. The reception of the Haunted Tower was spoken of with the usual puffs in the play bills of the following morning. An overflow from every part, with the usual et caeteras of brilliant audience and rapturous enthusiasm, were of course conspicuously prominent. We do not like this boasting, even when it is true; but when false, it is particularly odious. For example, would it not be indecorous of us to talk about the immense success of our last number? how our impression of fifty thousand was eagerly bought up by an impatient and enthusiastic public? and how our subsequent editions were disposed of in a similar manner ? This, and more than this, we might say without being accused of boasting; but we will not emulate the conduct of the Covent Garden managers in this particular. Besides, we are sure that our readers must feel much better than we can describe, the zest with which they run for their weekly copy of Figaro. Important Notice. The public is most respectfully informed, that the editor of Figaro in London, encouraged by the almost unprecedented success of his work, has determined to spare no expense in making it still more deserving of universal patronage. He is happy to say that, by means of an ENORMOUS BRIBE, he has gained possession of ceitaiu papers, which will be found a source of peculiar political interest. They will be given in the next number of Figaro, and an immense outlay will be gone to in order that they may be presented in such a form as their singular importance merits. We shall state no more here, but call attention to our next number, in which we promise that our readers will find something beyond the customary contents of our weekly publication. I'ICARO'S REVIEW ( by the author of Figaro in London) is postponed. Due notice of its appearance will be given ; and in the mean time the editor begs to remind his friends, that he has no connexion with any other periodical. Notices to Correspondents. J . B.' s friendly communication shall be attended to. We are extremely sorry that we are once more compelled to decline the communication of our German correspondent. We ought perhaps to have intimated to him long ago, that charades are not suited to this publication. H. H. is thanked, though the communication with which he has favoured us cannot be made available. A friend, who dates his communication from the Strand, and addresses it to our printer, is mistaken in tbe opinion he expresses. His promise to become a subscriber if we follow his advice, we cannot take advantage of for two reasons. In the first place, the sale of one copy per week would not be a sufficient equivalent to us for departing from our own plan ; and, in the second instance, our well meaning correspondent begs of us to follow his advice, though, after two very careful perusals, we can find none in his letter. We have been informed that Mr. Wightman has sent us a contribution, which we are sorry has not come to hand, as it would doubtless bave presented a rich treat to the readers of Figaro. We sincerely trust that, in a fit of pique, he will not start a rival work, in which he would doubtless be assisted by bis friends Jenkins, alias Ap Shenkin, long known as the St. Giles's Brummell, and Franklin, the celebrated new cut exquisite. The communication of Solomon cannot be made available. We have received a second letter from H. H., but we cannot make use of its contents. Prin ted by W. Molineux, 13, Bolls Buildings, Fetter Lane. PUBLISHED BY W. STRANGE, 21, PATERNOSTER ROW.