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Figaro In London

24/12/1831

Printer / Publisher: T. Richardson 
Volume Number:     Issue Number: 3
No Pages: 4
 
 
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Figaro In London

Date of Article: 24/12/1831
Printer / Publisher: T. Richardson 
Address: 245, High Holborn, London
Volume Number:     Issue Number: 3
No Pages: 4
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FIGARO IN LONDON: Satire should, like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen. LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political history. They supply information as to the personal habits, and often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere."- CHOKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. UTo. 3. J SATURDAY, DECEMBER 24, 1831. [ Price One Penny. DETECTION OF A GANG OF POLITICAL BURKERS! Portraits of the Political Burkers! C" A fine fresh Subject,") THE late horrible murder of the Italian boy justly excited suspi- cions that the practice of Burking has been carried on to an alarming extent in the metropolis ; and that these fears were well founded will be made but too evident, by the following account of the detection and confessions of a gang of Political Burkers who stand charged with having hocused and Burked an unfortunate, known familiarly by the name of Bill, within the last eight months. It had been seen for some time loitering about the neighbourhood of the houses of Parliament, and it was in this quarter it was en- deavouring to pass, when it met with the cruel fate, the particulars of which we are about to lay before our readers. The system has long been pursued with impunity, and monsters have been allowed pub- licly to frequent two houses notorious for the bad character of those who have been suffered to meet there. Now however that they are known, we trust a stop will be put to their rascally proceedings. The parties who were the principals in this diabolical transaction, are persons who have long borne extremely suspicious characters, and though not individually the same, are of much the same stamp, and precisely the same name, as the miscreants Bishop and Wil- liams alias Head, who were hanged recently at the Old Bailey. The chief perpetrators of the deed, are a set of rascals called Bishops, and a fellow distinguished as the Head of the Tories, who would wish long ago to have usurped Williams' title and situation. The wretches finding that there were strong suspicions abroad that the aforesaid BillhaA been unfairly dealt by, thought proper to make an acknowledgement of their guilt, which will accordingly be found in the following confessions which we give together with the The above wretches will be readily recognized, but if there should be any doubt as to their identity, it will be cleared by a perusal of the following CONFESSION OF A BISHOP ! House of Correction.* I, Bishop, of London, do hereby declare and confess, that I took a prominent part in the Burking of the Bill which has caused so great a sensation in the country. My principal accomplice, was the per- son known as the Head of the Tories who endeavoured to cover his notoriously bad character, by boasting of being of Williams'' family. We both got the Bill into our power in a house in the neighbourhood of Westminster, and commenced our operations by plying it with a quantity of half and half, in a very moderate measure, with which we had intended to stupify it at once, but it did not take sufficient * Vide the Brevities in No. 1, of the Figaro. 10/ FIGARO IN LONDON. effect, and we were obliged to have recourse to other expedients. We afterwards went and consulted together at the Duke of Wellington vulgarly known as the Fortunate of war, and we determined to ' Jiocus the poor thing, by giving it a very strong opiate, which we procured at different places, but principally from Lyndhurst, Buckingham, Newcastle, and Winchelsea. We then, having left it fast asleep, went out for a few minutes, and when we came back, threw the poor Bill out of the house, and went home as usual. A short time afterwards we were all suspected, and charged with the offence. I. Bishop, ( of London.) I declare the above statement is all true, and I confess that I have associates in a lower house, in the same neighbourhood as mine, who twice assisted me in an endeavour to Burke the same subject. In the first attempt we had nearly succeeded, we went to a low concern belonging to one Wetherell called the Recorder's Head ( which being generally empty, was best suited to our plans) and procured a quantity of rum, with which the Bill was nearly overcome, but it revived, and having again tried the same experiment on another occasion in the same place, we were yet more unsuccessful for it got safe out of the house, with no more harm done to it than when it first came into it. I have followed my infamous practices for a number of years, and there is not a subject in his majesty's dominions but what I have had an eye to; with a view of taking at least one tenth in order to support the expences of my living. I, BISHOP, ( OF LONDON.) I, the Head of the Tories, ( alias of the family of Williams), a na- tive of Cumberland, do solemnly confess and declare the foregoing statement made by the aforesaid Bishop, ( of London), to be perfectly true, as far as I am concerned. I have long followed the profession of Burking, have often despoiled graves, and have all along been looked upon as an infamous character. I some time ago was sus- pected of being concerned in a murder for which I was obliged to go out of the country. It was committed on a valley close to my own residence. T. H. E. HEAD OF THE TORIES. Who will not shudder at the above dreadful disclosures, and will not heartily pray that the whole race of those monsters with human forms, the Bishops should be instantly exterminated ? THE INTERPRETER. The Dog Wellington. This favourite dog who was gifted with the extraordinary power of speaking, died at Dumfries in November last. Our readers will remem- ber the particular notice that was taken of him by the press in the year 1829. The editors of both the Dumfries papers, assure the public that the dog pronounced certain words, such as William—( the name of his master), and other words, with a naostd istinct and perfect articulation. Sunday Times. The speaking dog Wellington, might easily be mistaken for a speaking puppy of the same name, respecting whose indisposition we have lately seen such numerous reports in the newspapers. In fact so close does the parallel run between the precious pair, that we hardly know how to distinguish the one from the other. The dog attracted notice from the press in 1829, so it will be remembered did the puppy ; the dog once used to pronounce the name of his master William, so, till he was turned out for naughty tricks, also did the puppy. Both knew well how to fawn, and lick the hands that fed them while in favour, and the puppy like the dog, knows how to turn round and snarl, now that he is in disgrace. A Scene for the Fine ( He) Arts. Her royal Highness the Duchess of Kent, has established a School for about fifty village children, in a pretty cottage near the gate of Claremont Park. The dame is a " comfortable" old woman with " spectacles on nose, and pouch on side'' with pin- cushion and scissars withal— her bible and primer on the little oakeu table before her, and knitting and needle work in its various plain forms, in order for her young brood. Nothing can be more picturesque than the scene, and few scenes more delightful to the heart that looks beyond the threshold.— Court Journal. The Duchess of Kent's benevolence is of a double kind, she not only lays out her money in acts of charity, but she takes care not to grudge a few extra pounds in advertisements to make them known ; of course only that others may be induced to follow her example. It is not exactly fair to criticise a well intended action, but the pretty cottage concern, at the gate of Claremont Park, seems to us lament- ably void of purpose. The cramming together of fifty little chil- dren in a small lodge, looking at a " comfortable old woman with spectacles on nose, and pouch on side," seems to us a sorry mode of " teaching the young ideas how to shoot;" for we cannot see what improvement is to be derived from being closetted with a piece of mental imbecility, such as is described in her royal High- nesses's advertisement. We must confess that we differ from the Duchess, as to the pic- turesque nature of the scene, which a " comfortable" and spec- tacled old woman " with a pin- cushion and scissars withal" sur- rounded by a set of pauper children, can be conjured into even by the tender hearted and soft headed readers of the Court Journal. Penny- a- line Pathos. A most attrocious and distressing event however occurred to a peaceful family. The home of a gentleman residing in that part of the country, ( Derbyshire,) who was not an anti- reformer, but a person of liberal prin- ciples, was attacked. The mob deliberately plundered and burned the house, and a sick lady was compelled to fly, led by a young Antigone, her daughter, to a distance from the scene, where she lay for hours on the damp ground, her head resting on the lap of her child, and both hid under a laurel bush till the ruffians had passed away, ( aslight laugh.) He observed a smile on the countenance of a noble lord opposite; that he must attribute to the inadequate manner in which he related the tale, not to the story itself. The ladies were at length found by the servants, and conveyed to the only bed which was left, namely, the groom's over one of the stables. Had a special commission been issued to enquire into that transaction ! ?— Times Report of the Speech of Mr. Croher, on the second reading of the Reform Bill. It is extremely awkward for Mr. Croker that his speeches in the House of Commons are seldom properly understood, and that while his attempts at wit, rarely receive the tribute of a smile, risibility generally follows any endeavour he may make to attach a serious air to the expression of his sentiments. His pathos never rises above the level of a police report, a fact easily accounted for when we consider his long and intimate connection with the newspapers. He enters on the description of a distressing case, with the genuine penny- a- line sensibility, and the extract we have taken from his speech, proves how readily he can supply his sympathy by the paragraph. How dreadfully affecting is the anecdote he relates, and how touchingly told.—" A sick lady compelled to fly, led by her daughter a second Antigone," is singularly characteristic of tbe style of that portion of the pulic press, who supply the fine writing, and feeling which throw such a peculiar charm on the narration of an offence or an accident. A young Antigone! how interesting, and how classical. Then too, an ordinary hedge would not do to con- ceal such an interesting pair, they must needs hide " under a bush of laurel." But this is not half so pathetic as what follows: the cold damp ground, and the laurel bush are bad enough, but the climax is to come, the ladies were found by the servants and put into the only bed that was left, namely, the groom's over one ofthe stables. Antigone put into an ostler's bed in the hayloft, is really almost too much for one's feelings. It seems to us rather singular that the ladies should prefer the ostler's room, to an apartment in one of the hotels, which surely must be in the neighbourhood; and we really very much doubt whether after classically selecting a laurel bush for their first shelter, they would after all danger was over, 11/ FIGARO IN LONDON. turn into the groom's bed, when with a little trouble, they might have procured decent accommodation. Mr. Croker's concluding, query as to a special commission to enquire ino the above circum- stance, is really too ludicrious. Croker and his Bull, " The very height of perfection in its machinery will not be sufficient to reconcile me to the bill itself."— Speech of Mr. Croker. THE members on the opposition side are becoming every day more explicit; and when Mr. Croker gives evidence of honesty in the delivery of his sentiments, we may conclude that the Tories, however opposed in theory to reform, have at length resolved to adopt it in practice. Mr. Croker's declaration that he would oppose the bill even if it were perfect, is about as sincere a confession of the interested motives of the opposition as, at this early period of the discussion on reform, we could reasonably have expected. The perfection of the bill would be one of its most objectionable points in the eye of the honourable member who has long thriven by a system diametrically opposite. After all we are inclined to attribute Mr. Croker's sincerity to a mistake, and to look upon the paragraph we have quoted as a bit of a Bull, which, considering the source whence it emanates, would not be out of character. BREVITIES. " Brevity is the soul of wit."— Shakspeare. The Tiger Hunt. Mr. Hunt we perceive declared the other night in Parliament that a " skull could not be cracked without spilling a little blood," though the House of Commons itself affords a sufficient proof of the falsity of his assertion. It however shews that blood must be con- stantly running in the honourable member's head, a fact easily to be gathered from the revolutionary tendency of all his speeches. Advantages of a Set Off. Mr. Gentleman Dawson we find in eulogizing old mother church, declared that " it added honour and dignity to the empire." He omitted to mention what it takes away ! Quite Nugatory. It is reported that Sir Robert Peel has lately manifested a great aversion to Ordinary Cotton ; this has been said by some to arise from its reference to his early origin, while others with great se- verity attribute it to anatural dislike to be reminded of his latter end. The Confounded Bishops. Mother church has been lately thrown so much into confusion, that her heads and her naves are now no longer to be distinguished. Natural Enough. Lord Londonderry declared that he would blow out the brains of any one who molested him ;— his lordship probably conceiving as he had done so long without, that brains could quite as easily be dispensed with by others. A Little Learning is a Dangerous Thing. Hunt's boast of a classical education does not seem to have been well founded, for he is evidently versed only in the metamorphosis. Something Sootable. It is ungrateful in the editor of the Age to oppose the Reform Bill on the ground of its being a siceeping measure, for every body knows that it is only from sweeping measures the whole of his mother's large property was derived. Wonders will never cease. In proof of the efficacy of a certain quack's cough lozenges, it has been asserted that they have been known to stop the coughing in the House of Commons, even during a speech of the member for Preston. The Dose to be repeated. Wetherell called the Bill by the name of Russell's purge; but considering its effect on the close boroughs, it should rather be termed an opening medicine. A Misnomer. We must dissent from the Times, when it calls a certain marquis " a thing with human pretensions," for we do not see on what grounds his lordship can be suspected of the slightest pretension to any thing human. Evil Associations. The Duke of Cumberland has been so long attached to the huzzas, that in the House of Lords he naturally identifies himself with the bravos. THEATRICALS. WE went to see the Beggars' Opera on Monday night, and were surprised to find how naturally the ladies and gentlemen of the Covent Garden company represented the parts of thieves, prostitutes, and highwaymen. The principal attraction of the evening was our friend the Sheriff, who appeared as Polly, and whose name we have been told is not Sarah, but Mary, and, in consequence, for Sal, must be read Moll in our two preceding numbers. We have, therefore, to apologize to the young lady for the misnomer, and, trusting that we shall not find any truth in the words of the poet, " All your Sallies are but malice," we promise that in future we will do every thing to mollify her which lies in our power. The Polly of the debi'itante increased the good opinion we entertained of her singing in Mandane, but her musical instruction is all by which she seems to have profitted, for her acting is about as preposterous a specimen of histrionic im- potency as we ever remember to have witnessed. We however are inclined to charge the fault upon her master, for her failure is not the natural result of being without the qualifications to make a good performer, but there have evidently been great pains taken by dint of the worst kind of tuition to make her a bad one. We are afraid old Tom Welsh has been spoiling her by telling her to count time between syllables and sentences, as she would between notes and bars of music. She deals wholesale in emphasis, with which she liberally honours every word she utters. She has, moreover, a very injudicious way of addressing herself to her audience instead of the performer to whom she is supposed to be speaking, an effect which, in one or two instances, was particularly ludicrous. When she ought to have enquired of Macheath " And do you love me indeed ?" she directed the tender interrogatory to the whole of the house, extend- ing her arms as if she would, if possible, have hugged, in one em- brace, the pit, boxes, and gallery. These errors she might easily amend ;— her speaking voice is not disagreeable, and were she only to use it naturally, without straining at effect, she might get through her dialogue, if not well, at least respectably. We have much fault to find with her dress, but it is one of which singers are almost invariably guilty. Polly should not be attired in the costume of the ball room, but should have such a dress as is invariably adopted for the part of Lucy. This character was admirably acted by Mrs. Keeley, who, however, in every thing she undertakes, reaches the very highest point, at least in our opinion, of possible perfection. Filch was played by Meadows, who entered into the blackguardism of the part with rather more gout than we could hardly have thought capable. We could not have imagined even a thief to be such a thorough scamp in appearance ; but we will not presume to question the accuracy of Mr. Meadows's judgment in matters such as these, and would not for the world set up our critical opinion on this point against that of a gentleman of his tact and experience. Braham enacted Macheath with vigour, and sang with taste and spirit, but in dress he went into extremes, for had the Captain really looked so much of the highwayman as Braham made him in appearance, he would not have been at large for a moment, but must inevitably have been taken into custody as a suspicious character. One Ellar danced an indifferent hornpipe with fetters on his legs, to the delight 12/ FIGARO IN LONDON. of the sympathetic gods, who love to see Newgate felons making themselves as jovial as possible. We do not object to this relaxation of prison discipline for the diversion of the galleries, but we must protest against downright beastliness being resorted to, for the sake of gaining their noisy approbation. For example, this Ellar by way, we suppose, of humour, rushed on to the stage blowing his nose on his fingers, a disgusting habit, which he ought to be made to confine to the precincts of his own select private circle. If Mr. Ellar's domestic arrangements do not admit of the luxury of a pocket handkerchief, he should perform the filthy operation, above alluded to, either at home in the bosom of his family or in some private corner of the theatre; but he deserves indictment as a nui- sance, when he degrades himself thus disgustingly in the presence of his audience ! Mrs. Gore's comedy was produced on Tuesday, and, we are sorry to say, that the " Lords and Commons" will not be greater favourites in Drury Lane, than they are in the other houses where they have lately been exhibiting. There is likewise no laughing at them in their dramatized form, however ridiculous they may render themselves in their places in Parliament. Mrs. Gore's comedy is a three act melange of stupid dialogue, dull attempts at wit, and puffs for some of the principal London tradesmen. Her characters, we were told in a prologue of uncommon insipidity, are taken from life, but from the total absence of any thing like vivacity in what they said we should be disposed to reverse the assertion, and pre- sume that the lady has taken the life from her characters. There is an Indian Nabob who walks about the Regent's Park with six black slaves, in the costume of their native country ;— a sentimental Lieu- tenant ready to give up the whole profits of his profession ( how generous !) to the first person ( who does not happen to want it) that comes in his way; a young profligate, who, because he is so, and has caused the stoppage of a banking house, in which he is a junior partner, has, of couise, a most excellent heart, and claims the sympathy of the audience ; an old man of business, the only wit, of whose part is to see how many times nine thousand is contained in eleven million, as if the fun of division was enough to carry through the Lords and Commons; and the rest of the dramatis per- sona? consists of blacklegs, sharpers, servants, and demireps, whose characters Mrs. Gore would have us believe she has studied from the life, but, we are sorry to add, that the way in which they are sa- tirized is not sufficiently brilliant to be considered an equivalent for the sacrifices the lady must have made in gaining an intimate ac- quaintance with vice and folly. Such materials as we have described would, in the most skilful hands, have made but an indifferent comedy, and our readers may conceive how lame must be a produc- tion composed of such ingredients when injudiciously treated. Mrs. Gore has a dreadfully mistaken notion of wit; she believes it to consist principally in the manner in which it is expressed, and not in the material of which it is constituted. Her ideas of fashionable life seem to be equally erroneous, and she evidently conceives the chief attributes of elegance to be stupidity in conversation, and the dealing with a certain set of tradesmen whom she accordingly puffs with the kindest regard to the interests of commerce. As the co- medy does not seem likely to be a profitable speculation in any other way, we would advise that it should be made available as an advertising medium, and that by varying the names on each night, other shopkeepers may take their turn with Gunter, Stultz, and a few others wbo, at present, monopolize the puffs disseminated at Drury Lane in Lords and Commons. Notwithstanding all this, the comedy was received throughout with great applause by those who, as is the custom on tbe first night of a new piece, had orders to make it successful. This practice has lately increased to a degree that renders the expression of opinion in a theatre a very dangerous experiment. We found ourselves in a most insignificant minority, in entering our protest, as we always feel it our duty to the public in such cases to do, against the repetition of Lords and Commons. We were seconded by a very few, and among others a wag in the gallery, to whom we feel grateful, not only for his » ote and interest in support of our opposition, but for naaking us laugh by saying the only witty thing that we heard in the whole course of the even- ing. Mrs. Humby, in an epilogue, which, though dull in the ex- treme, she, to do her justice, spoke with some vivacity, had to observe she was glad the comedy was over, and was facetiously re- sponded to with " So am I!" from the aforesaid wag in the gallery. The Queen's Theatre, we are sorry to hear, is every night about one tenth part occupied by a good humoured— and very orderly au- dience. The house in fact, as there is plenty of room and nothing to pay, well deserves the title of a free and easy. The ill- success of this establishment must be attributed to a bad system of manage- ment, and the engagement from time to time of a number of very inferior stars, whose fame there is an attempt to magnify by six inch letters in the play bills. Miss S. Booth is, we admit, an actress, whose reputation, such as it is, must at least by this time be allowed to be established ; for we can remember her these ten years, but we never saw anything in her to warrant the printing of her name in Egyptian capitals. The benefits are on, but we know pretty well the advantages poor actors gain in this way at a theatre which is not popular. After paying the expenses of the house, they are gene- rally out of pocket, but the performers at such a place as the Queen's cannot always resist the temptation afforded by a benefit, to post their names about the streets in preposterous type, in the vain hope of making themselves popular. We saw a lamentable instance of this expensive and useless vanity a week or two back, in an enor- mous broad- side, in which nothing was visible at first sight, but the names of Atwood and Healy, and announcing in small letter, only to be seen on going near, that these great unknowns were about to take a night at the Queen's Theatre. We perceive that there have been attempts made to get up attractive bills, and that among other prodigies a Miss Waller Wybrow, aged six years, has been singing " Oysters Sir," with very precocious accuracy. Now the name of Waller Wybrow, is rather more illustrious than those which we have mentioned above; every body knows the Rathbone Place three- penny song shop, conducted by W. Wybrow, alias Sidney Wal- ler, alias T. B. Phipps, alias Evelyn Manners, alias Walter Turn- bull, alias Signor Leander Zerlini. FOR THE FIRST OF JANUARY, 1832, Published on Saturday next, Dec. 31, ( for the Proprietors, J BY B. STEILL, Paternoster Row, and Sold by all Booksellers, A New LIBERAL, MORAL, and INDEPENDENT WEEKLY REVIEW of BOOKS, the STAGE, and the FINE ARTS, entitled, THE LITERARY TEST; THE FRIEND OF ALL PARTIES;— THE RICH MAN'S ADVISER J— AND THE POOR MAN'S ADVOCATE; Consisting of SIXTEEN closely printed QUARTO PAGES, ( contain- ing as much interesting matter as the LITERARY GAZETTE and ATHE- NAEUM !)— NO ADVERTISEMENTS being admitted! 1— PRICE only TWOPENCE!!! N. B. The Proprietors are in treaty for an Office in a central situation. Notices to Correspondents. J. L. of Oxford Street, is inadmissible. Mr. Hytche is thanked for his communication, which however cannot be made available. W. A. F.' s letter has been received, and he will see that we have attend- ed partly to his suggestions. Johannes shall hear from us in a day or two. Several letters have been returned from Paternoster Row, on account of the postage not being paid. Our subscribers will perceive that we have presented them this week with an extra caricature, which will not interfere with our promise to give a splendid uew years gift with our next number. We therefore have much pleasure in announcing that the success we have experienced, has deter- mined us ( at a heavy loss) to offer on Saturday next, 8iac additional Caricatures ! By that highly gifted and popular Artist, Mr. Seymour. FOR ONE PENNY! Printed by T. Richardson, 245, Hiijh Holborn, Loudon. PUBLISHED BY W. STRANGE, 21, PATERNOSTER ROW.
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