FIGARO IN LONDON: Satire should, like a polish'd razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen. LADY MONTAGUE. " Political Pasquinades and Political Caricatures are parts ( though humble ones,) of Political history. They supply information as habits, and often as to the motives and objects of public men, which cannot be found elsewhere." CROKER'S NEW WHIG GUIDE. to the personal Xo. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17, 1831. [ Price One P e n n y . R E J E C T E D K I N G ' S S P E E C H. ( As proposed by Lord Wharncliffe.) THE negotiations pending between the ministers and the moderate reformers had actually proceeded so far, that a speech for the opening of parliament was proposed by Lord Wharncliffe. We have, from an exclusive source, procured a copy of the document, which we find to be just such a draft of half- and- half ( bad measure too J , as we might have expected. Such a cataract of heavy wet issuing from the mouth of his majesty would, of course, have thrown a damp upon the hopes of the country, and the speech was accordingly indignantly rejected by the ministers. MY LORDS AND GENTLEMEN, I've call'd you together thus early although Your recess has been short, but you all of you know, Though lately you've been in perpetual debate, You've pass'd little else but the time of the state ; Yet should you still find that you need some repose, While one of you speaks all the others can dose. In the first place, I want your attention and skill To patch up a something and call it " the Bill." You cannot exactly remain as you are ; But still, Lords and Gentlemen, don't go too far. ' Tis true that great part of the people require A bill of reform, but they do not aspire To getting ( why should they, presumptuous wights !) A jot more than some hundreth part of their rights. Then do not believe those who'll tell you they want Any more than to you is convenient to grant; And do not give credence to what you will hear From one, who, though ( will ye believe it ?) a peer, And proud of his order, has lately conferr'd With a tailor* commission'd to treat for " the herd." Yes, Grey will declare that the country is still In favour of Russell's preposterous bill. But oh ! do but judge by yourselves, and you'll trace In all his professions, attachment to place. * This is evidently an allusion to Lord Grey's interriew on the subject of reform, with Mr. Place the tailor. A tailor ! indeed! why he really with pleasure Should take without murmuring any one^ s measure, And gladly accept, as he probably will From men like your lordships a part of his bill. Reject all such notions, my Lords, and confine Your votes and support to a measure of mine. In the first place, disfranchisement let us approach With care, nor on rights that are charter'd encroach. We ought to do just as we will with our own; A borough's a borough though ' tis but a stone; And who, Lords and Gentlemen, could be more fit Than some of yourselves are, for stones here to sit ? Next as to extending the suffrage, you know, The qualification must not be too low ; For should all the middlemen once get a voice, And their own representatives be their own choice, There would be of the Commons two sides I don't doubt, Ah! need I suggest them ? the in and the out; Then most of you, ' tis not my intention to flatter, Might be, Lords and Gentlemen, found on the latter. Having plac'd then before you the heads of a measure, Discuss it as much as you please at your leisure. I hear a great deal, though I'm free to confess That I see nothing of it, of public distress. I am told there are millions now out of employ, And therefore a palace or some other toy Should be built, and as workmen, poor things must be paid, Some additional taxes must on them be laid, Of which our friend Nash wiil, of course have a share To plan and to superintend the affair. And should I dislike it, we'll give him a salary For turning it into a national gallery.* It is with the greatest concern I discover The Cholera has to this country come over. Of course you'll take every precaution that's meet, Crowds should not be let to collect in tbe street; * This refers to the project for converting Buckingham Palace into a gallery of pictures. 6 FIGARO IN LONDON. Large unions likely infection to spread Should by proclamation be knock'd on the head ; And as medical men have advis'd ventilation, A coolness of course will be good for the nation ; The people then ought not to think of reform, A subject on which they get dreadfully warm. And, Gents of the Commons, on you I rely To grant me, as usual, a liberal supply. Need I add, every penny with which you may honour me Will be spent with the strictest regard to economy ? But, good Lords and Gentlemen, ere I conclude, I must to the riots at Bristol allude ; I need not repeat bow it was they fell out, Nor how Charley Wetherell, put to the rout Was forc'd from that city to scamper away, Which he enter'd his courage* alone to display. ' Tis enough, the offenders most certainly ought To be unto justice immediately brought; And as the police wouldn't run in and bang ' em, I must trouble a special commission to hang ' em. And now, Lords and Gentlemen, feeling assured That by your exertions we shall be secured From any thing that can be call'd innovation, To you I commit the affairs of the nation. THE INTERPRETER. The Dignity of the House of Lords maintained b y Old Women. " It is to be regretted that a very inferior attendance of fashionables took place ou the occasion of the. prorogation of parliament. Only five peeresses were in attendance to impress the Grand Duchess Helene, ( who was seated on the woolsack) with the dignity of the English Aristocracy." Court Journal. ONE would imagine from the above paragraph that the only view with which parliament was prorogued had been to give the Grand Duchess Helene an adequate idea of the dignity of the British aristocracy. Even had such been the case, the end would not surely have been answered by the introduction of a parcel of women inlo the House of Lords, whose appearance, however prepossessing, could not at all have contributed to the dignity of a senatorial assemblage. A row of fusty old dowagers, or a set of affected peeresses, however well fitted to ornament the chairs of a drawing- room, are sadly out of place on the benches of a House of Parliament. The dignity, too, of the British aristocracy represented by the female part of it! this is a new idea, and worthy of the editor of the Court Journal, who attaches importance invariably to things and persons, which, in the eyes of men of sense, are objects of the most contemptible and absolute insignificance. What on earth did the Duchess want with Lord Brougham on the Woolsack ? Princely Pathetics. " Claremont House.— The establishment at Claremont goes on in nearly the same way as when King Leopold was there. Great attention is paid to the growing of pines and grapes in the hot- houses, and all the fruit which is not wanted by the Duchess of Kent is sent to the King at Brussels. The expense of keeping up the gardens at Claremont amounts to £ 2,000 per annum. The Duchess of Kent and the Princess Victoria frequently reside at Caremont now, as the removal of several large trees from the immediate vicinity of the house has rendered the spot healthy, and the young princess gains strength whilst there. Sir John Conroy manages all that relates to the house, but does not interfere with the grounds. The king on the day of his departure for Belgium went over the garden with his gardener, and stopping at all tbe plants or beds which had been favourites with the Princess Charlotte, recommended them particularly to » Sir Charles Wetberell has declared that he only went to Bristol to show he was not a fraid. the attention of the gardener. On leaving the garden the face of Leopold was bathed in tears."— Court Journal. So the establishment at Claremont is to be kept up as usual,— the vegetables and flowers are to be reared and sold as in the days when Leopold himself was residing in England. What a pathetic scene must have been that in which the king elect bid an eternal adieu to his kitchen- garden ! Not a polyanthus, a cabbage, or a strawberrybed, that had been a favourite with the Princess Charlotte, but it received on parting the tribute of a royal tear ! What an affecting situation for the gardener, to have been present while the Majestic Leopold stood blubbering over a favourite gooseberry- bush— his tears rolling down his royal cheeks in two enormous currents. Surely the gardens of Claremont having been thus nobly watered, should this year be threefold in their fecundity. The roots honoured with such a moisture, must, indeed, be prodigal of fruit, and where last year there was but a single apple, in the ensuing season there will certainly be a pair. If his gardens are so endeared to him by the recollection of how his consort used to enjoy their produce, we wonder that Leopold, instead of taking leave of his fruit trees, did not have the trunks themselves packed up to be carried with him to Belgium. At all events he seems determined to keep them still in remembrance, as all that is not devoured by the Duchess of Kent and the Princess Victoria is to be transferred to the royal table at Brussels. Dawson Shocked. " He was sorry to see the manner in which ministers had allowed the anti- looms of their offices to be filled by the would- be representatives of the mob and the press. Lord Grey had admitted he didu't know how many tailors to an interview, and Lord Melbourne ( from whose character and generosity of mind he had expected something better,) had allowed a radical apothecary to intrude upon his privacy."— Speech of Mr. G. Dawson. How dreadfully derogatory to the dignity of a prime minister, to hold any intercourse with, or consult the opinions and wishes of those for whose interests it is his duty to endeavour to legislate. That Lord Grey should condescend to " entertain a score or two of tailors," is sufficiently shocking to the sensitive refinement of Mr. Dawson, but that Lord Melbourne, who has the advantage over the premier, of possessing a character and a generous mind, should hold correspondence with an apothecary, is really the more dreadful from its being more unexpected. Now this is vastly witty and severe of Mr. Dawson, but besides exposing himself by his sneer at the useful members of society, with whom he, at least, cannot be accused of a connection, he shows an utter ignorance of the generous qualities of the mind, by supposing them to consist in a haughty contempt for trade, which always is the offspring of the most paltry, despicable, mean and truckling of prejudices. This lets us at once into the servile character of the man, who, we venture to assert, would regard a lord with the humblest reverence. Those who are awed by rank, are, in general, insolent to humble utility, and, like Mr. Dawson, who has not the accidental advantage of the former, nor the positive merit of the latter, always in the hope of being thought to appear nearer to the one affects a supreme contempt for the other. That this Dawson is not a man of high birth, his singularly plebeian name is quite sufficient evidence ; but while we question the aristocracy, we do not doubt the antiquity of his family. The name of Dawson is as well known as the old song commencing— " Nancy Dawson was a " but our readers know the rest, and will at once decide on the respectability of the honourable member's pedigree. The Blessings of Sir Robert Inglis. Sir R. Inglis wished it to be understood, that he was no party to au agreement to recognize the bill with a mitigated hostility. He was satisfied with the blessings he enjoyed, and he should oppose change.— Speech of Sir R. Inglis, on the first reading of the lieform Bill. SIR Robert Inglis has in one little sentence concentrated the whole of the motives by which the anti- reformers are actuated in their 7 FIGARO IN LONDON. opposition to the bill proposed by Lord John Russell. If all those on his side of the house would be as candid as himself, how many long- winded speeches would the Tories have saved themselves the trouble of making, and relieved those on the ministerial side from the onus of answering. Sir Robert " is satisfied with the blessings he enjoys and opposes change." This is the real cause of the opposition of the borough mongers, the sinecurists, the placemen, the pensioners, and the bishops: all these are satisfied with the blessings they now enjoy, and are therefore opponents of change precisely on the same account as Sir Robert Inglis. To make use of a vulgarism for the sake of a pun, the honourable member at least speaks plain fnglish, and whatever fault we may find with him in other respects, we must give hint ample credit for his sincerity. ENGLISH MELODIES,— No. 2. AIR.—" Believe me i f all those endearing young charms." Believe me if all that demolish'd plate glass, Which I cannot observe without pain; Could be made by to- morrow one glittering mass, And fixed in your windows again! They would soon be in holes, as this moment they are, Let the panes be as thick as they will ; And around thy fine mansion each mob from afar Would collect itself angrily still! Oh! it is not while windows thus smash'd are thine own, Presenting an aspect so drear, That the furious rage of a mob can be known, ' Gainst a proud Boroughmongering Peer! No, the vote of the tory will ne'er be forgot Till the Bill has pass'd into an act; Like your head, my dear marquis, repair them or not, Your windows till then will be crack'd ! BREVITIES. " Brevity is the soul of wit."— Shakspeare. Medallers, We understand that an Anti- Reform medal is about to be struck, to commemorate the anticipated success of the opposition to the Bill in the present session. On one side will be a typification of the union existing between the enemies of the country, forming a most apt illustration of the bundle of sticks. A design emblematical of the throwing out of the Bill will appear on the other side— need we say it will be the reverse ? A great Difference. The friends and opponents of the Bill are divided into two very distinct classes— the a- bility and the no- hility. Comme il faut, The aldermen finding their opposition to the livery has rendered them unpopular, have resolved on meeting their fate with a very becoming resignation. A N e w Board of Health. The house of the Duke of Wellington is so closely boarded up, that a stranger in London enquired if it contained a pest ?— Not , exactly, was the reply, only an Anti- Reformer. More Military than Civil. We have it from good authority that the abrupt epistle sent by the Duke of Wellington to Mr. Flanagan, the barrister, charged with ! inciting the mob to break his grace's windows, was not copied from the Polite Letter Writer. Malcontents. The non- contents onthe Reform question have surely no business in the House of Lords, for they cannot be considered to belong properly to its contents. Well adapted to " Swing." Last year there was a lamentable propensity manifested in some parts of the country to the destruction of ricks, but we are happy to find that there is now a mania more universal and less injurious for the demolition of bishop- ricks. Epigram. They say the Tories, when they speak, To blind the people only seek ; And sure when in the House they rise, At least they close their hearers' eyes! Advertisements Extraordinary. Some principle is ready to invest, The advertiser's view is interest; All who can treat on an affair like this Must write ( post paid) to Mr. Horace Twiss. For sale, waste paper lying in a loft, Percival's speech— particularly soft ! Inquests Extraordinary. Found dead, a rat— no case could sure be harder, Verdict— Confined a week in Eldon's larder. Died, Sir Charles Wetherell's laundress, honest Sue, Verdict— Ennui— so little work to do. Gazette Extraordinary. The Gazette of Tuesday last actually announces the bankruptcy of John Bull, a fate that must sooner or later have been expected. Sir Charles Wetherell might, at least on this occasion, apply for a special commission. Newcastle Infected. The Cholera Morbus is known to rage most in corrupt places, which, of course, easily accounts for its appearing in Newcastle. Indeed corruption is one of the properties of the disease, and surely, like other nuisances, " it has a right to do what it likes with its own /" Fast Work. The members of the House of Commons were so much imbued with the spirit of Mr. Percival's motion for a general fast, that, by way of putting it into immediate practical effect, they determined that on last Tuesday night there should be no mealing. A Good Move. We perceive that Colonel Evans has given notice of a motion to exclude recorders from parliament. After this we would advise Sir Charles Wetherell to take ( as they say in parliament) the very earliest opportunity of moving. Good Taste. We find that the Earl of Coventry presented a petition to the House of Lords from the anti- reformers of Worcester. Had the opponents of the Bill, in general, evinced an equally just appreciation of the value of their own cause, their petitions would in every case have been sent to Coventry. THEATRICALS. A new drama has been lately produced at Drury Lane, called the Bride of Ludgate; it is from the pen of Mr. Jerrold, the talented author of John Overy. The principal character in the piece is Charles II.; the royal reprobate, who having a natural turn for blackguardism, did not allow the dignity of his station to prevent him from choosing the most profligate of his subjects for his associates. The merry monarch, as posterity has been pleased to term this abandoned libertine, has become so stale as a dramatic hero, that we wonder the authors of plays do not, for the sake of variety, fix upon a king somewhat nearer our own days, who was at least equally eminent for his disregard of all virtuous principles. The Bride of Ludgate is partly historical and partly fictitious, and in the latter portion of course we must include the pardoning of a confessed 8 FIGARO IN LONDON. rebel, and many other little acts of grace so necessary to the denouement of the drama, though so totally at variance with the well known character' of Charles II. Dramatists of the present day are somewhat more severe upon the royal office than is, we think, in these times of loyalty, either judicious or justifiable : for example, in the piece of which we are speaking, as long as the sovereign is disguised in the clothes of an ordinary individual, none of the dramatis personae seems to dream of his having anything kingly about him, though directly he throws back a cloak, and exposes a white satin waistcoat to the view of the spectators, they all fall upon their knees, as if its external trappings were indeed the only distinctions of majesty. We must not, however, be too critical on these points, as the interest of the piece is well sustained ; some of the situations are effective, and the language throughout is remarkable for its point, spirit and terseness. We find that our old friend Sal Sheriff is to appear as Poll in the Beggar's Opera on Thursday evening, but as our work goes to press on that day, and we do not think her sufficiently important to delay it, we cannot give a notice of her till the appearance of our next number. In the mean time, however, as it is but right we should say something of her, about whom the newspaper paragraphs are now so constantly appearing, we may as well remark on an advertisement in the Age, the writer of which says " he regrets to have just received intelligence of the death of her maternal uncle, Captain John Chilcott of the Royal Navy." Now we really cannot appreciate the value of this piece of information, nor do we see that the public, because it pleases to pay to hear Sally sing, should be expected to condole with her on the loss of her relations. Is this piece of news meant as a set off to the ill- natured paragraph, which informed all the world that Sal's father was a tailor ? and has she thought it worth while to advertize her uncle the navy captain, by way of counteracting the derogatory effect which she supposes might arise from the knowledge of her immediate origin ? Servants of the public are too apt to assume an unbecoming importance, which we hereby give notice, it will be our constant practice to expose and satirise. It is not often we see at the Adelphi, a piece with such peculiar claims to our approbation as that brought out on Monday, under the title of Favorites in Town, or Stage Arrivals. It opens with a conversation between the manager and his property man, which sends the former to sleep, and up to this point the house was decidedly with. him. In the course of his dream, however, a number of popular dramatic characters are introduced by way of vision, and these being somewhat outre in the painting, about three fourths of the audience actually so far forgot themselves as to hiss, upon which Mr. Yates came forward, and very properly rebuked ' hem for being dissatisfied ; as if people came to a theatre to be amused ; the idea is perfectly preposterous ! Mr. Yates added that the opposition proceeded from one quarter of the house, evidently insinuating " turn ' em out" to those disposed for a little fun ; now we go further than the manager, we say that the dissatisfaction actually proceeded from three quarters of the audience, which should not only have been ejected, but certainly ought never again to enter the theatre, which would then be every night about one fourth filled with the well behaved friends of Mr. Yates, his author, and his performers. We are in the second act introduced to Paul Pry, William and Black- eyed Susan, the Brigand, and Billy Black, represented respectively by J. Reeve, Gallot, O. Smith, and Wilkinson. Strange to say, there was not a laugh at those inimitably witty sayings, " I hope I don't intrude," and " D'ye give it up ?" there was no sympathy with William's affection for Black Eyed Susan, and not one round of applause for that fine old sentiment, about British Tars, and having at the helm a true British Sailor. The jokes, too, put into the mouth of Billy Black, did not go off at all; they have been going off for the last ten years, and we thought had by this time gone altogether, but the author of the piece has kindly revived them, and the ungrateful audience would not, even on the score of old acquaintance, grant them an affable reception. Strange to say there was no appreciation of the venerable conundrum, " Why does a man go to bed?" Not a laugh followed the well- known answer, " Because the bed will not come to him :" this and other equally humorous conceits were received with a solemn indifference, without that respect being awarded to their age, which, according to the proverb, they ought to have commanded. Of the acting we have little to say. J. Reeve endeavoured to ram, by repetition, down the throats of the audience one of the established jokes about, reform, which was not at first taken ; and Yates appeared in the first part as a Theatrical Manager, and, in the second, played the Devil, a character in which he found before the curtain some very formidable rivals. It will be seen from the preceding remarks that the disapprobation arose principally from circumstances over which the author of the piece had no controul; the intemperate manner of Mr. Yates, and the bad painting of the pictorial illusions. The former will, we hope, not be repeated, and the latter is now omitted, so that, as there are several humorous situations in the piece, and a great deal of smart comic dialogue, it now goes off with that degree of success to which it is fairly entitled. A comedy called Lords and Commons has been announced for Thursday, and will, we suppose, have been produced before the publication of this number of our paper. We shall, however, in our next have a slap at our friends the Lords and Commons, who are thus brought by Mrs. Gore, in a spirit of ultra- reform, into one house, as if more than one house of legislature was decidedly a superfluity. We hope we shall find that there will be a pretty fair representation, though we must not be too sanguine if the scene is to be laid in parliament. The poor tiger at Drury Lane is, we find, defunct; poor thing ! we always thought it was half dead when it used to hunt the children in Hyder Ali. N o t i c e s to Correspondents. Oar respected contemporary, The Times, has politely called our attention to the inaccuracy of some of the rhymes in our last number. We do not intend to deny the justice of the complaint, but we humbly submit that in verses with so little pretensions to poetry, as are usually looked for in a jeu ( Vesprit or an epigram, we may be allowed some license in the particular to which we have alluded. Should the Editor not consider this a sufficient defence, we would beg to remind him that an equal liberty has been taken by writers, who, from their more exalted rank in literature, should be raised higherabove such errors, than humble pasquinaders like ourselves ; and that Mr. Moore, when he wrote formerly in the Times Paper, itself, on one occasion was guilty of a much grosser inaccuracy than we stand charged with, as wiil be seen from the two following lines quoted from one of his effusions called the " Insurrection of the Papers." Never wrote or borrowed, Any horror half so horrid. Surely tbis at least equals our rhyme of winders and cinders. By the bye we find the Atlas bas servilely copied the critical comment from the Times, and has added to it, a line of gross abuse, equally boorish and nonsensical. instead of having the whole world upon his shoulders, oue would imagine the Atlas carried the weight of the Globe on his head, so ponderous is the matter that issues from its Editor's cranium. We last week begged of the Newspaper Press, to acknowledge the source of all extracts that might be made from the Fitiaro. We have to express our obligations for the handsome manner in which our request has been complied with, by the more respectable and talented of our contemporaries, but some of the inferior newspapers have copied from us freely, without adding the authority. We shall not mention the names of au. v of the publicatious which have thus acted, for we are unwilling to draw them from their obscurity; we must, we suppose, put up with the robbery, which is the harder for us, as were we to endeavour to retort, by stealingfrom them, we should probably ruin ourselves, by introducing their dullness into the columns of the Figaro. In consequence of the extraordinary avidity with which our work lias been sought after, we have determined to leave untried no exertion, that may warrant the favour with which it has been received by the public. We have therefore to announce, that we shall occasionally give an additional caricature, uot however pledging ourselves as to the intervals at which we shall present them, being resolved that no cut sball appear iu the Figaro, which iu idea and execution may not be fully worthy of the reputation of the paper. We feel great pleasure in saying, that a satirical design is now in the hands of that j u s t l y celebrated comic artist, Mr. Seymour, and will be given without additional charge, by way of a new year's gift, on the lst. of January. Printed by T. Richardson, 245, His; h Holborn, Loudon. PUBLISHED BY W. STRANGE, 21, PATERNOSTER ROW.